Chapter 29
Her day on the slopes, and the night under the stars that followed it, had uncovered something in Alice. Like a pebble hidden under the sand, a small grain of hope was making itself known. Hope that maybe life could get better again.
She was afraid to admit it out loud, or to put too much pressure on it, in case it burrowed its way further down. And she was weak without it; she didn’t have the energy to force it to grow quicker than it could. It was nearly four months after the incident; who knew how many more months it would take?
But today was the first of December, and she had less than one month before she went home.
‘Hi, Mum, it’s me,’ Alice said on the phone that morning. ‘Happy Christmas month.’
‘Hello, sweetheart!’ Liz cried. ‘Ed? Ed? Alice is on the phone!How are you this morning?’
‘Quite good, thanks, I went snowboarding a few days ago for the first time.’
‘Oh that’s brilliant, it must feel nice to get those muscles moving again? Did it feel nice?’
‘It felt awful for a couple of days because I was so achy!’
‘Oh,’ Liz replied.
Her mum sounded so deflated that Alice clarified, ‘But good achy. Yes, it was nice to get a bit of exercise.’
‘Was your leg all right?’
‘It was okay. So I’ll see you in a little over three weeks because I’m going to come home for Christmas.’ Alice injected more brightness into her voice, ramping up the festive spirit.
‘Goodie!’ Liz cried. ‘She’s definitely coming home at Christmas, Ed!’
‘Shall I turn the heating on now?’ Ed shouted in the background, guffawing at his own joke.
‘I’m looking forward to it,’ Alice stated.
‘Oh, so are we. How are you feeling now? In general?’
Liz and Ed waited with baited breath, and Alice could hear the expectancy in their voices. She was pretty honest with her parents usually, and it wasn’t that she wanted to lie to them now, but the desire to prevent someone else from suffering, or worrying about her, was strong. Her parents were rocks but they were only human, and they so desperately wanted their daughter back to the happy girl they knew she could be that they were unwittingly trying to help her to the finish line via any means possible.
‘Coming out here was definitely a good move,’ she answered honestly. And then, ‘I feel a lot better.’
At least she intended to by the time she went home.
*
Outside the windows of Alice’s Swiss chalet, fat flakes of snow drifted down, and inside Dean Martin sang through a compilation of Christmas classics quietly in the background while she made herself a morning coffee and thought about the phone call with her parents. Bear snoozed beside her feet, and she could almost imagine in this idyllic scene that she wasn’t broken any more.
The decision was made now. She had three weeks to sort herself out, no time to dwell.
Alice hovered in the centre of the living room, standing on a ledge. She looked up the stairs towards her bedroom, looking for that craving in her to go back to bed, draw the curtains, give into the dark until this was all over. Then she looked at the window, the view, the possibilities, the Christmassy scene and the light, and she knew if she could just stay in that, distract herself with festive traditions and making new, happy memories, maybe she could cling onto that grain of hope. Maybe she could fake it until she could make it.
And with that, a candle flame of an idea fizzed to life. The more she thought about it, the bigger it grew.
Alice pulled on her snow boots and kissed Bear’s head, saying to him, ‘Bear, be good, I’m popping next door.’
She left the chalet and trampled a path in the deep white powder between hers and Marco’s, and rapped on the door.
He answered almost immediately, his eyes warm like the fireplace. ‘Hello, you. I was just about to make some lunch before heading down to base in Lauterbrunnen for my shift. You want some?’
‘No thanks. I’m glad you’re home, though. How’s your morning going?’
‘Good. I was working late last night so this morning I slept in and then have been just doing chores, you know.’
