Alice was clearing out her bathroom cupboards, and was about to throw a half-used bottle of Neal’s Yard bubble bath into the bin, when she stopped herself. Maybe it would be nice to have a bath for a change. The house was chilly because she had all the windows open for Bear, and the thought of encasing herself in warm water seemed indulgent, yes, but like something she could allow herself to do.
She pushed the cardboard box she was packing aside and threw on the taps. If she didn’t do it now this bubble bath would probably end up in the bin after all. Then she pulled a couple of other just-packed, not-used-in-months things back out of the box – a body scrub, a face mask, arazor.
As the bath ran she pottered back down the corridor to find Bear, and was glad to see he was still snoozing away beneath one of the open windows.
Alice helped herself to a glass of wine and returned to the bathroom, dropping her clothes on the floor and sliding into the warmth. She closed her eyes and breathed.
Sometimes you just know when you’re being watched. Cracking her eyes back open she faced Bear’s nose, centimetres from her own, stretching over the side of the bath. His chest fur dangled over the edge and was speckled with bubbles.
‘Now I know for a fact you don’t want to get in this bath,’ she told him. ‘I was left with scars last time we bathed together.’
Bear rested his chin on the lip of the bath and continued to stare at her.
‘I mean they were very tiny scars compared with this big mutha,’ she lifted her leg a little to show him. ‘But still. I don’t want any more.’
He backed away a little and whined.
‘Hey, it’s okay.’ Alice reached her hand out of the bath towards him and he came forward again to lick at it. ‘I don’t mind having baths, they’re only bad when they’re happening to you.’
He whined again and turned in the small space, bumping the door, and then looked back at her, willing her to come with him.
‘It’s okay,’ she repeated. ‘It’s okay that you can’t get to me. I’m fine.’
Bear signed and sat down on the floor, staring into the bathroom and panting. This slightly killed the mood, but she continued nonetheless, keeping up the chatter to comfort him.
‘Look, this body scrub is lime flavour,’ she babbled, explaining every step she was taking. ‘It smells yummy.’ Lifting her leg from the water again she very carefully ran the scrub over the length of her wound, treating it with attention she hadn’t really bestowed upon it until now. She spent a long time running her hand back and forth over it, long after the scrub had washed away. By this point Bear had flopped into a lying position, but his eyes were still open and watching her.
Alice shampooed her hair and then dipped her head back into the bath. She knew bath water wouldn’t really clean it properly, but whatever. Sinking her ears below the surface she closed her eyes and imagined a world where everything was silent again. Not just silent from outside noise, but from the internal noise, the memories, the worries.
Something pressed firmly against her forehead and she shot out of the water to see Bear back leaning over the bath, his spongy nose damp. He woofed, as if angry at her for scaring him like that. ‘All right, I’ll get out.’ Alice pulled the plug and shuffled out of the bath and into a towel before Bear could completely dry her skin with his tongue. They bumped past each other going out of the bathroom. ‘Let’s hope Vanessa’s bathroom is more spacious, huh?’
A card arrived the following morning, the day before she was due to move out. It was marked first class, somebody trying to get something to her before it was too late.
Alice opened the card in her nearly empty flat, giving the envelope to Bear to rip into shreds. She put her hand over her mouth when she realised it was from Jill’s parents.
Dear Alice,
Your mum and dad told us about your trip, and we wanted to wish you safe and happy travels. We’re so grateful to you taking on Jill’s beloved dog and taking such good care of him, and she often spoke about how much she wanted him to see Switzerland and ‘get completely covered in snow’.
We also wanted to give you something, and we’ve left it so late so that you have no time to give it back. Please find enclosed a cheque. Jill put aside some savings during her last few months especially for the trip you and she planned to take. She was so excited about that trip, and we want you to take that money to put towards living costs out there. We really owe you so much more for all of the expense I’m sure Bear has cost you (your mum also told us about those brownies!) and if you ever need anything please let us know. You’ve been like a second daughter to us for all of Jill’s life, and that doesn’t need to stop.
Please have a wonderful time, send photos, and enjoy this adventure on behalf of Jill.
Much love xxx
Alice was floored. They didn’t need to do this, she didn’t deserve this kindness. But what a lovely, warm gesture it was. She would use the money wisely, and take their letter with her.
It was time to say some goodbyes.
Alice wrote a letter in return to Jill’s parents, thanking them and promising to fulfil their daughter’s dreams while she was out there. She called each of her friends in turn and had short, but sweet, conversations, promising she’d see them soon. Her parents were the hardest to leave, a deep worry that came from knowing the worst could always happen tucking itself inside of her, something she knew she’d carry with her now whether she was three or three thousand miles away.
But it was the cusp of November, and she’d be back to visit for Christmas in less than two months. She knew she needed this.
She was leaving today. The belongings that she knew she wouldn’t need had been taken to her parents’ house, and her flat was all but cleared out, apart from a few things from her dresser still to pack in a bag which she was taking with her.
‘It’s so strange to see this place so empty,’ she said to Bear, who was licking at the skirting boards. ‘Turns out partially furnished instead of fully furnished would have given you lots more room.’
Alice pulled open her sock drawer and tipped the contents onto the floor. Something she’d all but forgotten rolled out and across the floor.
