Chapter 10
It was strange having an extra thing in the house, something living and moving, that didn’t stay where she left it like her familiar furniture or her art supplies. Later that afternoon, Alice kept getting a jolt in her heart when she was walking through her home, her muscle memory moving her around her belongings, before remembering to keep watch for where the puppy might be hanging out. His favourite activity seemed to be following her from room to room, so at least most of the time he was behind her feet, rather than in front of them.
As the summer darkness finally fell on London, Alice found the street noises deafening in a way she hadn’t before. The sounds of cars, chatter, heels on pavements, distant lorry horns, all drifted through the cracks of her windows.
‘It’s so noisy here,’ she muttered to Bear, who sat awkwardly, back legs splayed about, ropey tail strewn to the side and tongue lolling from his mouth. He tilted his head at her and belched, holding eye contact.
‘Same to you!’
Well, it was probably time to try and sleep. Alice gathered her phone, her book that she still probably wouldn’t read, a glass of water, some headache pills, and took them into her bedroom.
Bear followed close behind.
‘No,’ she said, ushering him back into the kitchen. ‘You sleep in the kitchen, that’s where you used to sleep.’ She showed him the tiled floor, the water bowl, the soft rabbit toy she’d left out for him that Jill had bought. ‘You like the cold floor. My bedroom has carpet.’
Bear popped his nose in and out of the water bowl and then walked past her and back towards her bedroom, stopping in the doorway to look around for her.
‘Bear, you come back here. You’re sleeping in the kitchen.’
There was a stand-off occurring, and Alice didn’t quite know how to take this. ‘Hey, I’m the boss here, come back and sleep in the kitchen.’
With that, the puppy broke eye contact with Alice and wandered off into her room.
Tears prickled her eyes and she blinked them back immediately. How ridiculous to feel emotional about such a thing when there are bigger problems in the world. She took a deep breath and followed the dog into the bedroom, picked him up, and carried him to the kitchen, where she put a chair on its side across the doorframe to block him in. He whinnied a little bit.
‘I’m sorry, but you have to sleep in here. That’s the rule.’ Although, she wasn’t sure whose rule she was quoting. Jill’s perhaps? Would this furry little thing ever feel truly like he was hers?
Alice made her way back to her bedroom, loneliness and fear sensing an opportunity to come visiting. She ignored Bear’s whines as she changed into her pyjamas.
She stopped brushing her teeth halfway through to shout, ‘It’sh okay, Bear,’ through a mouthful of foam, when he let out the first yelp.
She tried to ignore as the yelping got louder, lying in bed, staring at her ceiling.
It was when he woofed, a tiny cry of help from something thinking he was making a much braver sound than he was, that she jumped up and ran to him. He was fine, of course he was, he was just sat on the other side of the sideways chair, waiting for her. He stood when he saw her, and that stringy, ropey tail started flicking back and forth.
Alice knelt down. ‘Are you lonely?’
Bear stared up at her.
‘Do you miss her?’
He rested his chin on top of the chair frame.
‘I miss her too,’ Alice said, stroking the white patch on the top of his head. ‘I’m going to try my hardest to give you a really nice life, just like she wanted. I’m going to take care of you, and make sure you’re safe and happy. You’re the top priority, now.’
Bear’s eyes closed, his chin still resting on the chair, comforted by her voice and strokes. ‘We have to help each other out a little, though – I’m new to this. Having you in my house is a huge learning curve, even after all the hours that Jill used to babble on to me about you. To start with, tell me why I should let you sleep in my room? I don’t let men I don’t know well sleep in my room.’
Bear got onto all fours, turned and ran to the stuffed rabbit and brought it back to her in his mouth, its ears dangling on the floor.
She couldn’t help but smile. ‘Is that for me? Is this a bribe?’ She stood and reached her hand out and Bear backed away, bumping into the kitchen island, tail going wild.Take it from me!he seemed to be saying.But you can’t actually have it!
‘It’s not playtime, it’s bedtime.’ But even as she said it Alice was moving the chair, putting it back upright. Bear bounced towards her, rabbit flailing, and pushed it into her shin, right on her wound. She winced and Bear dropped the rabbit, staring closely at her leg, sniffing her scabbed-over cut. He gave it a tentative lick, and then turned around, and sat his furry bum down on her foot, like a little bodyguard.
Alice thought in that moment that she might already love him a little bit. But just a very little bit. He was still proving to be a handful.
And that’s how she found herself not only letting him follow her back to her bedroom, but also lifting him up onto her bed, where he wadged about for a while, walking up and down, pulling at the duvet cover with his tiny spikes of teeth, rolling on his back to see how his paws felt floating about in the air of her home. A few times he stepped on her, a heavy paw holding up eighteen kilograms, but she didn’t mind.
‘Shall we try and sleep, then?’ she asked him.
