Jill’s mum sighed, her voice sounding defeated. ‘I don’t know what to do. Where to start. I just don’t want to give him to someone we don’t know, he was only with her a month but he was part of Jill.’
‘I’ll take Bear.’ Alice left the conversation with her friends and turned around, the words falling from her lips, desperate to do anything that might contribute to the huge debt she owed her best friend’s family. ‘I’ll take him. I’ll look after him just like Jill would have. I went to the vet’s and the puppy socialisation parties with her, I can help. Please let me help.’
*
While Jill’s family exchanged a silent conversation with each other, which Alice didn’t know whether to interpret as thinking about it or wonderment at how Alice could dare even to suggest it, Kemi appeared at her elbow.
‘Alice, I don’t think you have space for a dog,’ she murmured.
‘It will be fine. My flat is small, but he’s only small . . . at the moment, and I have the park minutes away for big walks.’
‘I know you want to help, but you’re so busy, Ali,’ added Bahira. She turned to Jill’s parents. ‘Maybe I could have him for a while?’ Even as she said it she sounded unconvinced.
‘You have a dog already,’ Alice said. ‘I have no one. I’m alone.’
‘What about work and things, though?’ Bahira pressed, tugging Alice just out of earshot. ‘Aren’t you trying to get involved in more causes at the moment?’
‘It’s all just so unimportant,’ Alice said, tiredly. ‘I can’t change anything, I can’t stop anything, I can’t even save my best friend!’ The morning after it had happened Alice had woken up a different person. She’d given so much of herself to optimism, and without it she didn’t really know who she was any more. She was crumbling, and she turned back to Jill’s mum, dad and brother. ‘Let me save Bear?’
Jill’s mum shrugged, and then nodded, too overwhelmed to continue the conversation she’d started. Sam patted her arm, awkward but kind. Jill’s dad cleared his throat. ‘That would be very helpful, thank you, Alice. Even if it’s just temporarily.’
Alice nodded, processing what she’d just done. ‘How will I get him—’
‘I have my car down here. I’ll take you and him and his things back to London whenever you’re ready,’ Bahira interjected, pulling Alice away from the family, knowing the details didn’t need to be decided right now.
‘So,’ said Alice when it was just the four of them again, nestled under the comforting leaves of an old oak tree in the churchyard. ‘Anyone know how to raise a dog?’
Back at her home that evening, Alice was listening to her parents and her friends discussing her. They were all drinking tea and sitting around the living room, tired, emotionally worn, the different ages an inconsequential factor. It was like a board meeting being held at the very end of a very long day, where people occasionally remembered to include the person on the other end of the spider phone, which in this case was Alice.
‘I’m just worried because it’s a big responsibility for her. Literally. It just doesn’t seem like a good time. She’s still quite wary of things. Understandably,’ Liz was saying, nodding encouragingly at Alice on the final word.
‘My sister-in-law has a big dog,’ Kemi said. ‘And she’s always saying how he makes her feel really safe. It could be that he helps her. You.’
Theresa nodded. ‘And they do say dogs can help with shock and –’ she whispered the next word, ‘–trauma.’
Liz looked to Ed. ‘She’s not had a dog before. It’s a lot to learn.’
‘I don’t know if it’s that much hard work,’ Ed said. ‘Jill already trained him up a fair amount, I remember Alice telling us.’
‘But she doesn’t want to leave the house at the moment. Maybe we should take him instead.’
‘If I have a dog, I will leave the house,’ Alice said without looking up from her tea. ‘I promise. We can look after each other.’
‘Where would you walk him around yours?’ Bahira asked.
‘The park is two minutes away. My street is quite quiet, too, so I can take him out for wees last thing at night.’ Even as she said it, Alice found herself wondering if dogs could have litter trays.
‘If having a dog is anything like having a kid, which it is, as I know because I have both,’ said the ever-practical Bahira, ‘it’s a massive lifestyle change. You won’t be able to go out and leave him for long. You’ll need to find dog day care for if you have to go into theFunny Packoffice. You have to take him out and walk him, twice a day, rain or shine.’
‘I know all of this,’ Alice said. ‘I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’ve made my decision and I’ve already told Jill’s parents. I’m taking Bear. I need to do this.’
‘It’s not too late—’ started Liz.
‘Mum, I really do need to do this. I’m going to look after him.’
They all nodded, and then Bahira spoke up. ‘Well, like I said earlier, if you want to come back with me tomorrow, you can. I’ll drive you both. Otherwise just ring me when you’re ready, no rush, and I’ll come down and pick you up.’
‘Thank you.’ Alice sipped her tea.
Theresa sighed. ‘I’m happy. I mean, it’s been a horrible day, but I’m happy Bear is coming to live with you. It’s like you get to keep hold of a little bit of Jill’s heart.’
