It was absolutely the worst thing to say. I could see it the second the words left my lips, and in that moment I would have done anything to take them back.
“You’d haveme,” Merrick said, sounding wounded.
It was a dangerous thing to hurt the feelings of a god.
“I only mean…” I pressed my lips together, trying to come up with the right set of words that would stop this from happening, that would keep him mollified. “I only mean that you have to travel so much, for all the important things you do. It would be nice to have a friend.”
“A friend,” he repeated skeptically.
I felt like a small beetle cornered by a scorpion. I could practically see the barbed tail thrashing back and forth, ready to strike with venomous speed.
“Don’t assume my absences mean I don’t know everything that goes on here. The two of you have been more than friends for quite some time now, and you’d have to be a fool to think I wouldn’t notice.” He leaned across the table, growing even taller as sudden anger swept through him. The red of his eyes sparked with fury. “And you know better than anyone that I will not abide a fool!”
Thunder rumbled outside, a long roll blanketing the land as he stalked out of the room, heading for the parlor. The windowpanes rattled in their lead casings, and my sternum ached from its force.
“We weren’t trying to keep anything from you,” I called out to him. “Truly, Merrick. Wearefriends…just…more now.”
Themorehad begun last autumn.
Kieron had finished work for the day and had brought by a basket of apples to surprise me with. I’d taken them from him and, on impulse, leaned in to offer him a hug. It was meant to be nothing but a small squeeze of thanks, but it had somehow changed into something more, and when he’d pulled away, his face had held the loveliest look of wonder and astonishment.
And then I’d kissed him.
Or he’d kissed me.
It didn’t matter who had begun it, because both of us had quickly surrendered to the magic of it, tracing shy fingertips across the other’s face, the basket of apples forgotten.
It was my first kiss, and I hadn’t known what I was doing, only that it felt wonderful and made me happy and that his lips had been a heady mix of crisp apple and a sweetness that was wholly Kieron.
I couldn’t get enough of him, and later that winter, when he told me he loved me, that he’d always loved me, that he’d spend the rest of his life loving me, I knew I was his—and he was mine—forever.
I knew Kieron planned to propose today.
He’d been making noises about a grand surprise for weeks, and only days before, I’d caught him poking around in my jewelry box, looking at the sizes of rings Merrick had gifted me through the years.
I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes. They felt hot with welling tears. This was not how I wanted the day to go. I wanted all of us together, happy and here. I wanted Merrick to smile as I accepted Kieron’s hand and heart. I wanted us to eat the terribly sweet cake and plan for a dizzyingly bright future. Merrick and Kieron were my family now. Why couldn’t we all be at peace with one another?
I sighed, turning to glance into the parlor.
It was quiet, and I could picture Merrick seated beside the fireplace, staring broodingly into its flames. I listened to the falling raindrops, counted the seconds, and wondered if enough time had passed. I’d go to my godfather and tell him how much I loved him, how he was right about leaving the village, how much I looked forward to being in Châtellerault. I’d tell him everything exactly as he wanted to hear it, coax him into a better mood, and then he’d see how he’d overreacted. He’d see how much Kieron cared for me and how webothcould be right at the same time.
“Merrick?” I called softly.
He didn’t answer.
Of course he was going to make this harder than it needed to be. There was nothing in the world worse than a god nursing a wound. Rolling my eyes, I cut him another slice of cake and carried it with me to the parlor, knowing he’d appreciate the gesture.
But when I surveyed the room, it was empty.
Merrick was gone.
Chapter 18
The trunk shut with adecisive click before I hauled it from my bedroom, letting it join the other bags by the front door. I glanced out the windows, expecting to see Kieron’s cart on its way across the field, but the lane was empty.
I sighed, twisting his ring on my finger over and over as I waited. It was still a novel oddity for me, making my hand look far more refined and grown-up than I felt.
Yesterday, just moments after I learned that Merrick had left, Kieron had rapped on the door with freshly picked wildflowers in one hand and his grandmother’s ring in the other. I’d pushed down all my wounded feelings and pent-up frustrations, thrown caution—and Merrick’s vague forebodings—to the wind, and said yes. We’d spent the afternoon on my quilt beside the fire, pretending it was the picnic we’d planned, kissing and dreaming of our future. When I’d asked if he’d wanted to begin that future then and there, starting right now, he’d laughed at my impetuosness but agreed.
