It’s possible that whatever expression I’m wearing, coupled with my body leaning slightly forward, causes her to backtrack. “Never mind.”
“No, please, go for it.”
Her shoulders square backward. “Your mother just tried to have you breed for her, does that not?—”
“Make me shy away from sex?” I interrupt. “Let me check with my ancestors to see if we’ve ever had a choice with our means to keep us alive.” I think the way I phrase it makes her realize just how dumb the question she was about to ask really was—judging by the horrified look on her face. “Did I make you uncomfortable last night?”
Her eyes round and lips part as if searching for the words to speak. “I don’t really want to answer that question.” She jerks her head away and messes with some random buttons.
“Must be nice to just be able to bite into someone, feed, and you are satisfied,” I say nonchalantly.
“I hear your Mark can feed you without sex.”
A laugh falls from my lips. “One, have I—within the last twenty-four hours—given you space to question anything that I do? If this has to do with yourmaster,Alaric, I’ve made it very clear he can fuck off. Actually, all three of you can fuck right off the moment we get onto land.”
She bares her teeth and seethes, “He isnotmy master. That hasnothingto do with this. I don’t give a fuck what he wants with you.”
“Two.” I ignore her little outburst. “What I do is none of your business.”
Her hands twitch in her lap. “I just… want to know how you can get past it. I…”
I narrow my eyes now, my head slightly tilting as I assess the smell of embarrassment sweating out of her. It’s an aroma that is slightly metallic, with a fleeting sour undertone, reminiscent of blood but not as potent.
I’m not mentally stable, that’s the truth. I’ll never claim to have everything figured out, nor am I the poster woman of trauma healing.
I’m not healed, and I’ll probably never be, but so what? What good would it do for me when I’ve got a trail of pain following me? What’s the point of mending a wound that’s bound to be reopened?
The answer is there is no point. None.
“Don’t compare trauma with trauma.” I hear footsteps coming from below deck, and I peek over my shoulder, seeing Kai returning. “Don’t compare healing to healing.”
Shifting back in her direction, she’s giving me a look of comprehension. “I’m not the one to seek healing understanding from. They did things to me that killed me, Niyla, and unlike you and nearly all Dylox, I unfortunately came back. I have no choice but to move on. It’s a mercy you have that I don’t: death. Rebirth and ultimately… forgetting everything you went through. I willneverforget what they did to me.”
There’s a pause as Kai comes back up holding a glass of water, his eyes trained on the back of Niyla’s head. She’s dragging her braided locks across her shoulder, keeping her eyes fixed on mine.
“As my therapist liked to remind me, there is no one size fits all when it comes to this shit. Deal with it in the way that helps mend what you can, and throw away what you can’t.” I take the drink from him and draw a deep breath through my nose. “And stay the fuck out of my business.”
“Don’t be so loud,” she counters, and the pop of the corner of her lip indicates she’s joking. Just as I’m taking a sip, she continues, “We aren’t going to fuck off when we get to shore.”
I groan, tossing back another large gulp.
“We don’t need you anymore,” Kairhyse says as he sits beside me, his arm draping over my shoulders. “Truthfully, we barely needed you in the first place.”
She releases a heavy winded sigh. “It isn’t really your call.” She turns to look at me. “Your mother will come for you. Guess you’ll decide if more bodies to fight her is worth it to keep everyone safe.”
Damn them…My heart slows and an ear-piercing ring soars around in my skull.
Unfortunately, she’s right, and as I look at Kai, his gaze is fixed on me. There’s a silent message in his eyes— ‘we can handle it’ —even if he doesn’t truly believe that.
I don’t, and I’m terrified of that woman getting anywhere near him. I’d sacrifice every soul in the world to keep him and Sydni safe.
That’s all that matters.
No…Theyare all that matter.
Chapter 26
Kairhyse
