Sadness wraps around her; it’s a salty and sweet fragrance. She nods, and I feel my heart slowly breaking. “If that was her damnation, then yes, I would take her.”
“I-Is there any way to damn her without her… taking my Mark?”
Her throat bobs, and the sigh she releases is all the answer I get.
She’ll send people after Kai… to kill him… just so she doesn’t end up doing it herself. The thought makes my breath quicken. Is he okay right now? Have I left him to the wolves for answers that won’t even help?
“So, nine months of your life to birth me a child of war, for information that will aid in saving you… and a means to end your suffering if you can’t save him.”
“Belial.” Proserpina comes around to stand beside him. “You cannot dictateher ending, that is for me to choose.”
“Then choose, my love.” His head cranes down to her, his hand cupping her face, completely consuming half of it. “Have her be used by Tali, or me.”
My vision blurs, and when I look at Alaric, he is softly shaking his head. “No.” His word merely a whisper from his throat, his lips don’t even move.
What if I can’t save him…
“Xeraphine,” Proserpina calls for me, and I look at her with tears lining my lids. “Us…” I bite my bottom lip and swallow. “Or Tali.”
Can’t I say neither? Can’t I choose myself?
I can’t live without him.
No, I don’t want to live without him. I’ve seen what my life was without Kairhyse in it. That day when he appeared in the club, it was a sense of the weight of the world receded. I hadn’t recognized what it was, taking it at face value of irritation that he looked so fucking good and I couldn’t grind against him, instead of my target.
I just know life without him will take me back to a world of weighted pain that will crush me.
“I choose him,” I whisper.
He wants me to choose myself, always, but I’ll never be able to do that. I wish he would have let me go, but at the same time, I’m happy he didn’t.
When I look at Alaric, his head dips.
Maybe I can give him what he wants at the end of all this. I’m sure we can get this done without him having to fuck me.
My Amoro pulls a string against my heart, and in an act that is only characteristic toward Kai, I move my hand to his cheek.
“Thanks.”
He sighs. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too…” I drop my hand and look back to Proserpina and Belial. “I’ll give you what you want, but there is one more condition I want to add.”
Freedom feels as elusive as the happiness I crave. Maybe if I fight for another ten years, I’ll finally see those gates open for me.
Kai hasn’t interruptedme once since I started explaining the deal. The anger in his eyes hasslowlyfaded, and I imagine it’s because of how Alaric tried to stop me.
“He then gave me the information about Archer, and said he’d allow his passage to the Beyond if he so chose. Then provided me this.” I pushthe blade across the counter that separates us to him. “It has two uses.”
He reaches for it, picking it up by the hilt and looking over it, still not saying a word.
“It won’t break over time. And it could situate itself in a heart and keep it from starting.” That gets his attention, and he jerks his head upward. I nod, understanding where his mind is going. “If I can overpower Tali, win in a fight, and kill her, I can place it through her heart and bury her.”
There is a sense of thought running through his eyes as he shifts his gaze back to the blade. He’s thinking exactly what I am.
Fear is exhausting.
“You’ll be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life,” he says before placing the weapon back onto the wooden counter.
