Then again, it did shield me those days until mentally I snapped, but even still…
“What do you know of them beyond what they yearn for?”
“Lucifer would often talk with his Vigoro.” I don’t hide my confusion.Talk to it?“Sort of like meditation—prayer? He would sit in front of a fire for hours and just disappear into his head.”
I shift my gaze downward, looking at the grass that drags across my white knee that is slightly pink from the constant friction.
It protected me…She protected me?
“Did he ever tell you how he did it?”
After he releases a soft sigh, he says, “No. It held no significance to me, so I never asked.”
“Do you think…” I can’t imagine he’d know this answer, but at this point I’m desperate. “It’s because I’m a Hybrid that I can’t use my Amoro to its fullest potential, or something else?”
“Hmm…” This is the first time he drags his gaze away from mine since we got deep into our conversation. His hand comes up to rub against his full beard, before dragging up through his hair, tugging the bun out in the process. “It shouldn’t be because you are Hybrid, if anything that should make you more powerful than a full bred.”
“Why? Answer that before you give me your theory as towhyI’m incapable of doing so.”
“So much like him, I swear…” he hums. “Mundane have the shortest lifespan of any mortal being. They love, work, and survive the hardest, though. You have a Mundane’s lifeforce, partial if not more. Meaning that for your eternal life, you’ll fight, survive, and love like them.”
“I definitely do two of them…” I don’tlovethat well.
His leg comes up, elbow resting against his knee while he leans into his palm. He passes me a look, one I’ve seen Kai give me so many times. It’s one of longing, desire, and care. I don’t feel a sexual attraction coming from Kayn, though, and if I had to guess, I’m reminding him of Lucifer.
“My theory,” he continues, moving away from the topic oflove. “Is that you just haven’t connected well enough with your Amoro. Since I’m unsure of how you truly bond with her, let’s work on your manipulation. That was what Kai wantedme to help you with.”
I straighten my back and nod. There are still so many more questions I have, but I want to get as much value out of my time with him here as possible. He doesn’t know any of my trauma, doesn’t know how I tick, which means he won’t send me backwards.
I’ve been working so hard to open my gates to those beyond Kairhyse and Sydni.
Brice reminded me that people will use anything to see results, even if it will tear me apart. I don’t want to use my trauma as a means to light my flame. It isn’t a crutch, it’s a wound I want to patch and mend.
I don’t want to lean on it…
I shouldn’t have to use it to be strong.
I’m not powerful because of it… It made me the way I am because it was forced on me.
That isn’t my catalyst, my resilience is. And as I have every day of my life, I’ll be my own fucking match to light my fire.
“Let’s start,” I say with a decisive nod. “And, Kayn?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t give me any look of sympathy. Don’t coddle me, or I’ll take your fucking head off after I’ve got what I need.”
Chapter 36
Kairhyse
Iwas gone for exactly two hours and thirty-two minutes, and even though Xera had been anxious about me leaving, I was the one rushing to get back to her.
Trust isn’t something I give easily—especially when it comes to my girl—but Kayn is one of the few exceptions. If I’d sensed anything off the night Xeraphine was taken, I would’ve asked him to tap into his contacts in Sidence to keep an eye on my place. We’d been holed up in my apartment for weeks, so there’s no point in dwelling on what I might have missed.
Still, it eats at me. I should have kept her safe. Even if she’d argue she didn’t need me to.
Cutting the engine, I step out of the car, and the first thing I catch is my little demon’s scent. A moment later, she appears around the side of the house, Kayn trailing beside her, his hands in his pockets. There aren’t any obvious scuffs on him, and for a second, I wonder if she wasn’t successful. But no—she’s radiating pride. Even without a smile, I can feel her good mood humming in the air between us.
