Swallowing, I rest her on her back and go to lay beside her, but she doesn’t release my head.
Don’t ask, Kairhyse, leave it.
Laying between her legs, I rest my head onto her chest, listening to her heart that’s steady. There’s no lingering sense of dismay, or pain; she’s back to normal—well, as normal as any psychotic Succubus can be.
“Xera?” I know better than to do this. I’ve always had to allow her to offer her feelings and never push for them.
She whispers a “Yeah?” Her fingers draw through the strands of my short hair, causing me to hum in content.
I hate hesitating, but who she is matters so much more than my insatiable need to know how to help her.
“The nightmares,” I murmur, not confident about going through with the question. “Can you tell me about them?” I’ve never heard her speakduring them. When she’s woken me before, it’s only been with gasps or the desperate clutch of her hands, as if needing reassurance that I’m still beside her.
Her hand slowly ceases stroking through my hair.
“Do I have to?” I can tell she wants me to tell her no. Hoping that I’ll back down from the question. However, there is a lingering scent that also feels different, as if she’s fighting with her feelings of wanting me to push.
“Yes.” I lean my head back and kiss the center of her chest, across her breast before resting against her again.
She grumbles. “I want to go back to sleep…”
“Close your eyes and talk to me then.”
She takes a deep breath. “While she had me…” As she talks, I move my arms under her, wrapping them around her waist and gripping tightly. “I’d fall into this weird state where a version of you would be. There were some points you’d leave me alone, and once where you kicked me out. The last time I was there, you never showed up… It was right before you found me.”
I don’t know what version of me she saw in those moments, because I can’t imagine ever pushing my girl away, but maybe, in some way there was a reason. Or maybe it was just her own self-doubt twisting things, making it feel like I was the one wanting her to go.
I won’t ask, because chances are, she doesn’t even know the answer herself.
“These are different though.” I state it plainly, not really questioning it. Xera has never been sick around me—not once. The fact that she just threw up is significant, something I won’t ignore.
“Yes.” That singular word is filled with more suffering than I’d ever felt from her. “When I reach over for you, only your head is with me in bed.”
Oh, Xera…
“She’ll try to take you from me. It’s why I’ve kept the trio of assholes around…” Her fingers glide through my hair again, slow and soothing. She shifts slightly under me, and when I feel her tail curl around the small of my back, I breathe out a quiet laugh through my nose. “It’s why I haven’t killed Niyla.”
“Niyla is younger than I am, I highly doubt?—”
“I’m not doing it for her strength,” she cuts me off. “I’m doing it for another body to use as a shield to what is mine.” My small smile turns toothy. “I’ll command her to stand in front of you and Syd to give me a split second to keep you alive. The same with Brice. The same with that Fallen.” She hesitates briefly before continuing, “Anyone… anyone but you two.”
“And Mister?” My hand trails up to her chest, right above her breast to rest against her beating heart. I know we haven’t found him, but I’m confident we will. That feline is just as much attached to her as she’s of him, even if she’d never admit it.
“Yes, and my cat.” A rough grip on my hair has me lifting my head up. “Hungry?” She’s deflecting now, steering the conversation away. Even though I’d love for her to keep talking through it, I don’t push.
Moving up while releasing her, I hover over her. “For you?” I enjoy taking my little demon, and I know that having me ravage her is equivalent to Sydni cuddling up to watch a movie. “Always.”
That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather just hold her until she falls back asleep. To sink into her embrace and keep her in my arms, letting go only when the sunlight finally pulls us from the warmth of the sheets. I’ll never complain about our constant sex, but I can tell she’s hiding behind her comfort zone, shielding herself from whatever it is she’s really feeling.
Fear.
I think it’s time I stop letting her be comfortable.
The moment she tries to tug me down to her, I put strength behind my arms, resisting her pull. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion.
“Let me hold you while you fall back asleep.”
Her lips part at the middle, eyes searching between mine.
