But it beats continuing this conversation.
No way in hell am I getting into why or why not Evie and me are a good idea with Mr. Positivity here. He only ever sees the pros. Cons don’t exist in this golden retriever’s world. Poor sap. Lucky Iris pulls his head out of the clouds on a regular basis. We all need a reality check every so often.
Mine just happened to come crashing in in the wee hours of this morning.
A little too late.
Bitter about the whole situation, I rip another frigid carrot in half with my teeth.
“You have no idea how glad I am to not be a vegetable in your garden right now. What’s got you surly as a bear with a sore head?” Em says. Now concern narrows his eyes. He’s been my best friend for decades. There’s no hiding anything from him.
I’ll be damned if I’m gonna pour my heart out. Be sticking to hard truths.
“Show me the boat, and then we can talk.”
As if I’m doing him a favor. God, this shit has me all fucked up. Emmett simply obliges, walking out the front door andsliding his cap on. We walk in silence to the dock, and his gaze swings to me every few steps.
“What?” I grunt out. I can’t stop myself, and apparently, it’s written all over my goddamn face.
“You know, you keep bottling this shit up, its gonna kill you, man. Almost did before...” His words fade out as we reach the boats.
It almost did. After Ava.
Out here on the island by myself, I thought about ending it all more than once. Every time. And every single damn time, I couldn’t do that to my little sister. I’m the only family she has left.
I have no doubt this time will drag me under the roiling current like it did last time. This time, however, unlike the whirlwind of Ava’s adoration that fueled my last significant relationship, my feelings grow from somewhere much deeper. From a selfless place. The man I am this time around understands with a profound soundness the gravity of spending my days without Evie. By choice.
“Jesus, Cal, you look like someone died.”
I swallow, grinding my jaw shut.
“You can’t work it out?” Pain is in his eyes, and I can’t tell if it’s a mirror of what is surely lacing mine or solely empathy.
“Nothing to work out, Em.”
He rubs a hand behind his neck and huffs a breath as he drops his focus to the wooden jetty. “You don’t have to stay here, if you want to go somewhere else.”
“I’m not doing that to my sister. She’d have no one left. Besides, that’s not?—”
“Irry would have me. Not like I’m ever leaving.”
I stare at him.
He’s always protected her like a brother. I guess he’s right. Emmett will always be around to make sure she’s okay. But I can’t. Fire Island is who I am.
That’s about right. I’m a fucking island.
Figures.
“Well, if you change your mind...” Emmett steps onto Firefly. The engine turns over a beat later. She purrs like she never missed a day. “You can leave. Just saying.”
I board the boat and check the gauges. Everything looks good. No pungent electrical fire smell, so that’s a bonus. “You staying for lunch? I could use a hand in the old shed.”
Emmett looks up from his inspection. “You sure?”
“Yeah, it’s time I threw half that old crap out.”
“Righto, I can load up a fair bit on the big boat and toss it into the marina dumpster.”
