He looked away, scowling.
“Have you never trusted a man?” she asked.
“If you were smart, you wouldn’t trust them either.”
“What about your friend, Adam?”
“He’s no saint, believe me. He’s terrible with women.”
Maria pondered that claim. Adam was currently dating Kari, the woman who’d brought Maria to the United States. “He’s good to Kari. I think he is in love with her.”
Ian shrugged. “He’ll probably fuck it up.”
“I know you believe in love, if nothing else.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“Yes, I do,” she insisted. “I remember what you said about your mother, and Adam’s mother. Maybe the men in your life taught you not to trust, but these women taught you how to love. They loved you, and gave you the ability to love in return.”
He shook his head in denial. “You know what I learned? That love’s not enough. It doesn’t put food on the table or money in the bank. Love didn’t stop my mother from being a junkie. It didn’t protect me from her abusive boyfriends.”
“Did they hurt you?”
His eyes hardened at the question. “Whatever you’re imagining between us has to stop. I can’t feel anything for you. Idon’tfeel anything.”
She fell silent, hurt by his rejection. He wouldn’t have asked her to marry him if he didn’t care for her, but she couldn’t make him admit his feelings. And maybe he was right. Maybe lovewasn’tenough. He had his career to protect. She had her family to take care of. Love didn’t change the fact that they were from two different worlds.
They’d both been through a lot today. He’d fought a man to the death an hour ago. She’d shared the details of a deeply traumatic experience. Although she felt better for having told him, she knew her story was hard to listen to.
Men were foolish, vengeful creatures. He was disturbed by her past, rattled by the close call.
So was she. She couldn’t help loving him, even if he didn’t love her. The feeling bloomed within her, warming her from the inside out. She wanted to hold on to the glow for as long as possible. Once he went away, it would fade.
The night was long, far longer than the previous one, with danger around every corner. There were dark tunnels and low-lying tree branches at regular intervals. They had to stay alert the entire time. By dawn, she felt like a zombie. Her eyes were grainy and her bottom was numb. Every muscle in her body ached from sitting in the same position.
Ian appeared just as uncomfortable as her, if not more so. He shifted his injured leg often, teeth gritted. They went over a bridge with a steep drop to a shallow river below. “This is where everyone goes crazy and jumps off the train.”
She smiled at his dark humor. Then she remembered swimming with Delfina, and she felt a pang of homesickness. She wanted to stay with Ian, but she also wanted to find her brother and go back to Mezcala. She needed to figure out what she was going to do with her life. Joining the circus wasn’t an option. Selling pottery would be unsatisfying and insufficient. She still had big dreams. She’d like to get married and start her own family someday.
The train finally rolled to a stop at El Limbo. It was a quaint little town with a church in the center. Small houses dotted the surrounding hillside. Crowds of people were waiting to board the train. As soon as the passengers who were riding got off, they were replaced by fresh bodies. She searched the new faces for her brother, but didn’t see him.
She climbed down the ladder with Ian. Her legs were wobbly from disuse. It took her a moment to regain her bearings after they reached the ground. Then she accompanied Ian into the woods across the tracks. She was lucky she hadn’t peed her pants last night.
This was a very difficult journey for women. She wondered how a young girl like Sarai could manage.
Beyond the cargo station, there was a camp similar to the one in Taxco, with canvas tents and makeshift shelters. Women were heating corn tortillas on a large griddle over hot coals. Maria’s stomach growled at the smell of food. She noticed a different mood in the crowd, with a lot of whispering and curious glances at Ian. Word had spread about his heroic actions.
These people respected him now. They might talk to him about Sarai.
On the downside, he wasn’t traveling incognito anymore. Sarai would hear about the tall American and know exactly whom to avoid.
“So much for anonymity,” he muttered.
One of the men from their railcar invited them to eat. Ian didn’t have to be asked twice. He devoured a half-dozen spicy chicken tacos without blinking an eye. If there was too much chile in the meat for his taste, he didn’t complain. She tucked into her own plate, smiling at his hearty appetite. They shared a lukewarm soda with the meal.
“We’re looking for a teenage girl,” he said in Spanish. “Small, with short hair. She might be dressed like a boy. Have you seen her?”
The men said they hadn’t, but they promised to ask around.
