Kelly’s plane would take off without her in an hour. Her hotel room would never be checked into and when they did the attendance roster tomorrow morning, her name would remain unchecked, her examiners probably relieved at one less piece of work for the day.
Kelly was not going to sit this exam. Not tomorrow. Not ever. How could she, when her life was about to be ruined again? That video would cost her everything, as the first one had almost done. She’d be deemed an unacceptable reputational risk. It would cause a stir for a little while. Some would come to her defence, others would condemn her impulsive and violent behaviour. And within months, perhaps even weeks, Kelly would be forgotten by all who once claimed to care. She would be a woman who had trained her entire adult life for something she could never have. And then what would she do? She had no idea. She had no idea even what she should do now.
And so she just sat there in a death-like trance, the road of her life seemingly at an end. Nowhere left to go. No path left to travel. Since Evan’s call on Monday, she had barely risen from her bed. There didn’t seem to be any point. Only the sight of her briefcase on the way back from the bathroom this morning gave her a reason to do something other than sleep.
She sat there until her back ached, her legs burned and her buttocks went completely numb. She sat there until the room darkened a shade further. She sat there until her doorbell rang, and even then, it was all she could do to haul herself up and walk gingerly to the monitor. She raised the receiver and the screen came to life, igniting a tiny spark of interest in her otherwise waterlogged soul.
She had never expected to see that face again.
***
He entered the apartment cautiously, as though walking into the den of a wild animal. Kelly watched him eyeing the equipment laid out on the mat on the floor but he said nothing. She sat on the couch and he settled opposite her in an armchair. It was quiet.
‘You’re the last person I expected to see,’ she said.
He nodded, his eyes still on the briefcase equipment. ‘I couldn’t let you sit your exam without at least saying good luck.’
‘You could have called.’
‘You wouldn’t have answered.’
‘No,’ Kelly said. ‘I wouldn’t have.’
They both looked at the equipment. ‘This is—’ he searched for the word, ‘—unusual preparation.’
‘I’m not sitting the exam.’
He didn’t react. At least not dramatically, just pushed his glasses up his nose a touch and nodded his head slowly, those ridiculously soft curls bouncing gently on his head like shallow-water seaweed in a gentle swell. ‘Look, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty confident that if you want to be a paediatrician, you have to sit the paediatrics exam.’
Kelly sighed. Her strength flowed out of her body with her breath. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to, Eli. It’s that they won’t let me.’
‘Who?’
She almost chuckled. ‘The whole fucking lot of them.’
He didn’t smile. ‘What happened?’
Kelly hesitated. This was Eli, the man she’d been told to avoid unless she wanted to ruin his career as well. But this was also Eli, who made her laugh. Eli, who listened, who cared, who loved.
So she told him everything. The whole sorry saga. He listened quietly, occasionally nodding or humming. Flinching when she told him about Michael’s threat to his own career if she continued to see him. ‘So that’s why,’ he whispered.
When she was done, they sat in silence. Eli broke the spell first, leaving the armchair and sitting beside her on the couch. He took her hand in a soft, familiar grip. Comfortable, trustworthy, but no longer electric. ‘You can’t do this, Kelly. You can’t let them beat you.’
‘They already have, Eli.’
‘Only because you’ve let them.’
That pissed her off. She withdrew her hand. ‘Bullshit. I’ve been fighting for respect my whole fucking career. My whole fucking life.’
‘So why stop fighting now?’
Kelly’s eyes stung with tears. It was so unexpected and embarrassing that she turned away from him to wipe her eyes. ‘I’m just so tired,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t have any fight left.’
Eli stood up. ‘I know you and I don’t have a future, Kelly,’ he said. ‘But don’t give up on yourself. You’re too brilliant.’
Her eyes filled with tears.
Eli leaned over and kissed the top of her head. ‘Good luck for your exam tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you.’
