Finn looked around. The street was deserted. He stepped closer to the girl on the bike. She stood up, dipped her hand into her jacket pocket and then wrapped both arms around Finn under his jacket, as though they were old friends embracing. As the message had instructed, he had secured an envelope full of cash in the waistband of his jeans at his lower back. It had seemed an odd request but it now made sense. He felt the girl’s cold hands on his skin, the slip of the envelope being replaced by the cool touch of plastic as she tucked what he assumed was a bag into his waistband.
She broke the embrace, discreetly sliding the envelope into her pocket. ‘Pleasure doing business with you.’
In an instant, Finn saw her future unfold. Petty drug dealing would lead to harder enterprise. She’d be arrested, spend time in jail, become an addict herself, turn to burglary, stripping and, eventually, prostitution. She’d do more stints in jail, then overdose days after her release in a cold, lonely alley not unlike this one, dying beneath a cloudy sky with nobody left to care. And he would be partly to blame.
He almost gave the drugs back. ‘How old are you?’ he asked, instead.
‘Old enough to keep you supplied.’ She winked, spun the front wheel around and rode away, her knees rising comically high on the little bike, like a clown in the circus.
It took all of Finn’s energy and will to suppress his guilt and keep his fears at bay. He looked around nervously, convinced someone was filming the exchange. He looked up at the windows of the hotel but couldn’t see anything other than dark rooms and slits of light behind drawn curtains.
Still, he didn’t dare take the bag from his jeans waistband. That way, even if someone had filmed him, it would only show him hugging a teenage girl. That was potentially damning, but he could shrug it off as a fan request, albeit inappropriate. But he’d learned his lesson, blah, blah, blah. That would be much easier to defend than a drug exchange with a teenage dealer.
Finn walked briskly away from the alley in the opposite direction from the hotel lobby. His plan was to find a service station or convenience store, buy something and then double back, so if anyone was watching him, it would seem as though he’d just gone out to pick up a snack. But what if there were security cameras in the store? That would probably work to his advantage, because it would be a record of him being away from the hotel at around the time of the drug deal in case the teenage dealer was caught and questioned.
But what if there were cameras at the entrance to the car park? Fuck. He hadn’t thought of that. What if they saw the whole thing? That’s when he’d have to rely on the adoring fan routine. Yes, that was okay. He had that covered. Even if she ratted him out, he’d deny everything. There would be no evidence of an exchange. It wasn’t airtight, though, and he pictured himself in the dock being eviscerated by a prosecutor, then sentenced to jail, where he would be raped and beaten to death.
The pressure in his head was so close to exploding that, after finding a store and grabbing a random chocolate bar, he almost walked out without paying. He scanned his watch to pay, kept his head down and hurried back to the hotel.
Kelly was setting up dinner at a small dining table. ‘Feeling better?’ she asked, believing Finn’s lie that he needed some fresh air to clear his head after the flight.
The knowledge that he had a massive supply of cocaine and benzos tucked into his jeans was almost like taking the drugs themselves.
Almost.
‘Much,’ he said.
‘Good. Room service just arrived and I’m starving.’
Finn smelled the food and realised he was absolutely ravenous. He couldn’t actually remember the last time he had eaten. All he had to do now was get through dinner and put Kelly to bed. Then he’d be able to set himself free once more.
Chapter Forty-four
Kelly almost felt like it was going to be okay. She looked deep into her own eyes as she brushed her teeth, the bathroom mirror still slightly fogged up from her shower. Finn was here. She was safe. Melbourne was so far away. If she stared hard enough, she could almost see herself as confident and prepared and ready to smash this exam to pieces.
But then her memory talked and she conjured up the cafe, the storming out, the assaults on strangers’ phones. She saw the article, not yet published, that Michael would read. And she felt the hot sting of shame and disgrace on her face as the Society Board withdrew her accreditation and threw her on the scrap heap.
The foaming toothpaste bubbled over her bottom lip and she spat it into the sink. Her mouthwash stung as she swirled it around, her burning tongue a kind of penance for every foolish word she had spoken. Every outburst, insult and denial.
The hotel room was large and had two single beds. Finn was lying on top of his sheets with his clothes on, legs crossed at the ankles, hands intertwined behind his head.
‘Aren’t you going to sleep?’ Kelly asked.
‘Not yet. Might just watch a bit of TV. I’ve hooked up the Bluetooth on my AirPods, so it won’t keep you awake.’
Kelly sat on Finn’s bed. She was wearing an old grey T-shirt and underpants. Her bare legs were cool on the sheets. She stroked Finn’s forehead. ‘You look tired.’
‘I’m okay.’
‘Don’t stay up too late, okay?’
Finn smiled. It was strained and he had that haunting look of a hunted prey in his eyes again. A little too wild. A little too startled. A little too scared. His arms were bony and his stomach was concave beneath his T-shirt. Kelly was sure she’d be able to see his ribs through the skin.
‘I’m sorry, Finn.’
‘What for?’
‘For letting you get like this.’
