But I had to try.
Headlights appeared in my rear-view mirror, and I straightened in my seat as a huge black truck pulled into the space next to mine. Through the tinted windows, I could make out a familiar silhouette, and my heart rate kicked up.
He came.
Wiping my suddenly sweaty palms on my jeans, I watched as Cody climbed out of his truck. His face was impassive, and I had no idea what he was thinking.
No idea…until he slid into my passenger seat and shot me a glare. “This is pointless,” he ground out between clenched teeth.
Time for a charm offensive. Turning to face him, I gave him a bright smile. “Hi. Thanks for meeting me.”
His glare deepened, and he tore his gaze away, staring straight ahead through the windscreen, his fists clenching and unclenching on his thighs. “I shouldn’t have. I can’t afford this kind of shit right now.”
My smile dropped, my brows pulling together. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He laughed, but there was no humour in it. “My private life stays private. I can’t afford any drama. No fuck-ups.”
I studied the hard set of his jaw. Fuck, why did I want to kiss it until all the tension went away? Okay, I knew why, but I knew that if I tried, I’d probably get a fist to the face. “I get that, but no one knows what happened. I’m not gonna tell anyone. Not even my brother.”
Rubbing his hand across his mouth, he shook his head. “You don’t understand. It’s not just about me wanting privacy. I was traded here at the beginning of the season from Boston. They put me on unconditional waivers because I couldn’t keep my shit together.”
I wasn’t sure what unconditional waivers were, but I could make a guess, based on what he’d just told me. “What happened?”
His voice was flat. “Too many fights, not enough goals, not enough ice time. Wasn’t enough of a team player. Take your pick. I gave them plenty of reasons to get rid of me. They wanted to farm me out to their AHL team, but then Calgary took a chance on me. No one else is going to take a chance on me ifI fuck up yet again, so my NHL career would be finished. Not only that, but I can’t be the guy who brings a media shitstorm to a team that’s fighting to win the Stanley Cup. I don’t care what people think of me personally, but I don’t want it to affect the team during their most important moment of the season, and I don’t want to lose my career.”
Oh. “So you and me…”
Finally, he turned to look at me, and the misery that flickered in his eyes before he quickly masked it made my chest hurt. “There is no you and me. It was one night that should never have happened and never would have happened if I’d known who you were.”
As I let his words sink in, the pain in my chest grew heavier, more oppressive. Everything he was saying was right. It wasn’t just about us. Even if none of Cody’s problems existed, there was still the complication of my own football career and the uncertainty surrounding my future. I wasn’t ready to be thrust into the spotlight, either.
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to say the words I knew we both needed to hear. “Okay. Then we agree that what happened last night stays in the past, and we won’t speak of it anymore.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw as he clenched and unclenched his fists, his entire body a hard line of tension. “It was just one night. A fucking fumble in the dark. It meant nothing.”
Averting my gaze from his, I bit down on my lip, not trusting myself to reply to the words that stung, whether he’d meant them to or not. He was the first man I’d ever done anything sexual with, and he was dismissing it as if it were a meaningless, forgettable moment.
I could feel his eyes burning into me, but I kept my gaze fixed on my hands. He groaned. “Fuck. I meant… Fuck. This is so messed up.”
Exhaling slowly, I pushed the hurt down. He was right. Even if it had meant nothing to him. This thing between us couldn’t go anywhere. “I know. But we’re both in agreement. We put what happened behind us.” Even as I said it, I wasn’t sure I believed it. But all I could do was try.
“Yeah.” Shifting in his seat, his arm brushed against mine, and he immediately stiffened. We both sprang away from each other. How and when had we managed to move so close together?
Cody cleared his throat. “You’ll stay away from me, and I’ll stay away from you.”
“As much as possible, with…y’know, everything.”
I knew we were both thinking the same thing. I’d be at every game for the rest of the playoffs, sitting in the stands while he played. There was no possible way we could avoid each other completely without people noticing and asking questions we wouldn’t be able to answer.
“The conference finals start the day after tomorrow,” I said.
“I’m aware of that.”
“I’ll be there. In the stands.”
His fists clenched tighter. “I’m aware of that, too.”
“I’ll just be another face in the crowd, supporting the team. You’re a player on that team, and that’s all there is to it.”
