I sigh, leaning back on the wall and letting my head think against the plaster.
My heart is torn in so many different directions. Betrayal and hope and uncertainty and need all tug at me, all insistent and unceasing.
Even if things with Bo start going well again, who knows what that means. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about him, no matter how upset I am about this whole situation with Savannah. I may not want to admit it to myself, but part of me has already forgiven him.
Now I'm just waiting for him to convince me that it's the right choice.
Chapter Fourteen
BO
Time marcheson and on and on, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Every second feels like a thousand grains of sand slipping between my fingers, and the harder I hold on, the more I lose. Minutes turn to days to weeks, and the start of winter is nipping at my heels before I know it.
Savannah hasn’t been persistent over the past two weeks, and I’m tempted to assume she’s just grown tired of the whole charade. I haven’t answered her texts in over ten days, and I’m happy enough to let sleeping dogs lie.
Figuring out how to navigate everything with Kenzie is hard enough without Savannah sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.
It’s been more than two months since I woke up next to Savannah, and while I’m not familiar with the timeline of these sorts of things, it strikes me as odd that she hasn’t seen a doctor yet. The way she spoke made it seem like her parents knew all about it, so I don’t see why she’d avoid my questions about ultrasounds and all that junk. Maybe she’s just not supposed to go yet. She’d know more about that than I would.
Either way, it's eating me alive.
I finally told Kenzie, but that went about as well as swearing at a preacher. Telling the rest of my family isn't going to go any better. Oakley was mad as a cat when she found out, and I haven't heard much from her since she headed back to college, no matter her promise that she'd figure this out.
Dad walks into the kitchen as I'm drying my hands off on a terry cloth towel, and I flush in instinctive shame. I don't even want to think about the way he’s going to look at me when he finds out about all of this.
Not to mention Mom.
“Oh, there you are, Bo,” he says. “I was worried I’d have to hunt you down in the barn. We’ll have company in a few here, so do your best to be friendly, kiddo.”
He claps me on the shoulder teasingly and nods his head toward the front door.
“Company?” I ask, slinging the rag I was using over my shoulder and following him.
I’ve been keeping myself buried neck-deep in work recently, but I don’t remember him saying anything about having people over. Maybe a distraction will be good.
“Kenzie put together a little farming volunteer program for kids who want to get their hours done before break. Might get a few new 4H signups out of it too.”
Scratch that. Not good at all.
Dad is positively jovial as he wanders down the patio steps, one hand raised to wave at the oncoming cloud of dust-coated cars. Me, on the other hand? I’m about half an inch from blind panic.
I haven't talked to Kenzie in almost a week, and I still haven't figured out how to explain all of this to her. If I’m put on the spot like this, I'll fuck it all up.
The throng of approaching cars grows ever closer.
Oh fuck, not now.
I turn to my dad frantically, eyes wide, and give him my most winning smile.
“Well, I'm sure you've got it all covered out here. There’s a ton of stalls that need to be mucked, I’ll get to work on that.”
No one in their right mind would turn down the offer of someone else mucking stalls, and Dad’s back has been acting up recently. It should be an easy sell.
I’m not avoiding Kenzie, exactly, I just… I’m not ready to face her. Not now, not like this. I have a million things to say to her, and I can’t say them in front of a bunch of random high schoolers. I haven’t even figured out how to put half of them into words yet. If I have to look into those perfect green eyes and make small talk, I’ll explode.
“Look at you, already got your eye on what needs to be done,” Dad praises with a grin. “Your mom and I have to meet with Principal Arthur to sign some of the last bits of paperwork, so I’ll leave it all in your hands. Just make sure everyone’s with someone who works on the ranch, we shouldn’t be long.”
He saunters toward the principal’s car, sending a proud smile in my direction, but all I can do is stand here as horror drips down my spine.
