Tears began to splash onto Rachael’s cheeks and her mother instantly caught her breath in a gasp of surprise and shock, taking Rachael’s hand and catching her so she might pull her back and look into her face. Rachael could not stop her tearsnow, even though they were still in the middle of the park and, though her mother asked her what was wrong, she could not get the words out.
“Whatever has happened, we must get you back to the carriage,” Lady Grant murmured, thrusting a handkerchief in Rachael’s direction, and then putting her hand through Rachael’s arm so that she might almost pull her along the path. “It is not far. Look, there are three ladies approaching. Pray, drop your head so that they will not see your tears.”
Rachael did as she was asked and, much to her relief, the three ladies walked past her without a word, though they did murmur a greeting in Lady Grant’s direction. Her vision blurred with fresh tears, shock still chasing through her as she fought to find even a small semblance of composure. It was too difficult to find, too distant a thing to cling to and so, she struggled on, her breath tight and her chest heaving.
I am betrothed.
She did not know whether she cried from shock or relief. Lord Blackmore was a good man, with a fine character and a kindness in him which she valued. If she were to be honest with herself, she would admit that her desire to be close to him had grown considerably, though she had done her best to ignore such an awareness and to set it to one side, given her present circumstances. Now, however, those circumstances had grown all the more difficult, and she was left in the middle of it all, doing her utmost to find a way to regain some of her poise, rather than being flustered and upset.
“What happened?” Lady Grant waited until Rachael had been helped up into the carriage before coming to join her, sitting down opposite, and looking Rachael straight in the eye. “I should not have left you. I should not have become so distracted that–”
“I do not blame you,” Rachael managed, in between hiccoughs and sobs. “It was not your fault, Mama. I was surrounded by a small group of ladies, all of whom were quite determined to cast me into despair.” Her eyes closed as fresh tears fell to her cheeks. “They stated that Iwasguilty of the shame placed upon me last Season. It might not have been Lord Blackmore’s townhouse, but itwasthe townhouse of a gentleman, they said. Thereafter, they stated thatIhave been the one spreading gossip and the like about Lord Blackmore, in the hope that he will be brought low and thus, I will be the only one ready to step in beside him as his wife.” Lady Grant turned her head away sharply, her eyes at the window, one hand at her mouth. Shaking her head, she made to say something, only to think better of it. “Lord Blackmore and his friend were walking together at the same time as this was said,” Rachael continued, softly, her tears subsiding as the truth began to sink into her soul. “They overheard all of this and came to my defense. Lord Blackmore stated that he and I were acquainted, he knew full well that I would do no such thing… but then another lady told him that he was a fool and that I was speaking kindly to him in his company but ill of him thereafter.”
“How could they?” Lady Grant’s head whipped around, her face white, her eyes blazing with anger. “Howdarethey say such things as that? That is all entirely untrue, all made up by their imaginations and yet spoken as though it is quite true!”
Rachael nodded and sighed.
“I know, Mama.” What she was to say next began to wriggle up through her towards her heart, sending a nervousness sparking through her. “As I said, Lord Blackmore came to my defense, though I also spoke in my own.” Gripping the handkerchief in both hands, she looked down at it, took in a deep breath, and then spoke the words that would change the course of her life forever. “He told the assembled group that I wouldhave no reason to speak ill of him, that I had no cause to do such a thing as they threw at me, for the sole reason that we…” Closing her eyes tightly, she let out a shuddering breath. “We are already betrothed.”
Her mother’s gasp was the only response Rachael expected. There came, thereafter, nothing but silence, and when Rachael opened her eyes to look back at her mother, Lady Grant was staring at her, her eyes rounded and one hand at her mouth.
Rachael could only nod, to confirm to her mother that what she had overheard was quite true, and Lady Grant’s eyes flooded with tears. What Rachael did not expect, however, was for her mother to start laughing, tears dropping to her cheeks as she reached across to grasp Rachael’s hand.
“This is wonderful news! You are betrothed? To Lord Blackmore?”
Nodding, Rachael could not rid herself of the tightness in her throat, a little surprised at how overjoyed her mother appeared to be.
“Had he intentions of asking for your hand, do you think?” Lady Grant asked, still squeezing Rachael’s hand while her other hand wiped at her cheeks. “Was this always his intention and, in that one moment, found himself unable to do anything other than state what he had always hoped would be?”
“I – I could not say, Mama.” Still a little stunned by how happy her mother was, Rachael took in a deep breath and then let it out again slowly, “You think that it is a good thing then?”
“How could it not be?” Lady Grant threw up her hands, having released Rachael’s. “What I have hoped for, what I feared would never happen, has now come about, and with such a good gentleman as Lord Blackmore! How wonderful! Do you know when the wedding shall be?”
With a pause, Rachael reached across, grasped her mother’s hands, and looked straight back into her face.
“Mama, I need you to listen to me. I am shocked – nay, stunned, by this. I did not expect him to say such a thing and, indeed, I do not think thathethought he would say such a thing either! We have not had the opportunity to speak together as yet, to understand what must happen next, or even to see how we feel about our impending marriage. After all, it came as such a surprise, I do not think that even Lord Blackmore himself realizes what he has done!”
Lady Grant smiled, though her enthusiasm was a little dampened now, much to Rachael’s relief.
“I understand fully, my dear. However, nothing can be done to change this, not unless you both wish to bring a great scandal to London, and I am certain that is the last thing that Lord Blackmore wishes for! Therefore, you must now begin to prepare for your upcoming marriage to him, whether that be in your own heart and mind first, and in practical preparations thereafter, it does not matter. You arebetrothed,Rachael! You are to be married, you will be mistress of an estate and, with any hope, mother to the heir of Blackmore. Is that not something worth being happy about? Something which you might sing for sheer joy over?”
Rachael considered her mother’s words, sensing the shock beginning to fade away the more she thought about what she would gain by becoming Lord Blackmore’s wife. Her heart began to quicken as she wondered whether he might, one day, pull her into his arms as, she supposed, any husband would.
He does not know that I am drawn to him.
Her quiet smile began to fade as she blinked, tears still in the edges of her eyes. While she knew she ought to be glad about her betrothal, while she ought to find happiness in the knowledge that she would have a secure future, the realization that what she felt for Lord Blackmore might remain hidden for some time –if not forever – bit down on her heart and sent a shock of pain rippling through her.
Her feelings for him would not disappear, of that she was quite certain. After all, she was to be spending more time in his company, was she not? As his wife, she would have a closer, more intimate acquaintance than ever before. Could she truly believe that her feelings would fade? No, certainly they would grow into something more profound than she had ever imagined possible.
“Your friends will be both surprised and, I am sure, delighted for you also,” Lady Grant said, interrupting her thoughts as the carriage drew up to the house. “Oh, and at Lord Blackmore’s ball tomorrow evening, everyone will be talking of it, I am sure! You shall have every eye on you, and will not need to hide at the back of the room any longer. You are to be his bride, Rachael! You are no longer a wallflower!”
Forcing a smile, Rachael climbed out of the carriage and walked to the house, suddenly aware of just how little she desired such a thing. The thought of being in the ballroom with every member of thetonwatching her, aware of her presence, sent such a coldness down her spine; she shivered violently as she hurried inside. How strange it was that now, at the time when she ought to be rejoicing that she would not be seen as a wallflower any longer, that was the only thing – and the only place – she wished to be?
“Betrothed?”Lady Frederica’s eyes widened, her expression of astonishment matching both Lady Alice’s and Mis Fairley’s. “You arebetrothed?”
“I am. And no doubt you will hear of it all very soon,” Rachael replied, looking down at her hands. “Thetonare sure to be speaking of it this evening and, though I have no intention of stepping out of this house again until the ball tomorrow, I can already practically hear my name on the lips of everyone in society!” With a wry smile, she glanced at each of her friends in turn and saw the shock written on every face. The only one absent was Miss Bosworth, though Rachael had been very well able to forgive her the absence given all that she was enduring at present.
“Goodness.” Lady Alice shook her head and then offered Rachael a smile. “I do hope you are a little pleased, despite the circumstances of your betrothal being a little… unexpected!”
