Scowling at the light smile on his friend’s face, Henry pushed himself out of his chair, ready to end the conversation.
“I think it is time for me to take my leave,” he said, aware that he was being a little abrupt. “Good evening, Falconer.”
His friend’s grin did not fade.
“Good evening, Yarmouth.”
Henry nodded to his cousin and then took his leave, stepping out into the cool evening air and feeling the brush of the wind against his cheeks. Walking towards his waiting carriage, he dropped his head and scowled down at the street as though somehow, it was responsible for the strange turmoil going on within him at the present moment.
Lord Falconer was quite correct, heshouldintroduce Miss Bosworth and Mr. Brackwell for the match might be a very good one, even though Brackwell held no title. But all the same, Henry could not eventhinkof the idea without a sharp, unexpected pain lancing right through his heart and thus, silently to himself and without understanding or explanation, he determined that he would never permit such a situation to occur, no matter how much he knew he ought to do so.
Chapter Nine
“Ido not know what we are to do.”
Joy sighed.
“Mama, there is nothing to be done, save for what I, and my friends, have determined to do.”
“Which is causing whispers and rumors to fly about London!” Lady Halifax exclaimed, her voice a little too loud for Joy’s liking. “Whoever heard of wallflowers walking through ballrooms, laughing and smiling together and even dancing!”
“Those things are perfectly acceptable, Mama.” Refusing to let herself begin to feel even a hint of guilt over what she had begun to do, Joy lifted her chin a notch and looked straight ahead as they walked through St James’ Park together, though she had not taken her mother’s arm. “Wallflowers are permitted to walk about together. They are allowed to laugh and smile and even to dance, should a gentleman ask them!”
Lady Halifax groaned, her head dropping forward, though Joy remained unmoved.
“Must you always be so difficult?”
A sharp pain pressed into Joy’s heart, and she looked away, tears beginning to burn behind her eyes.
“Mama, I am not doing such a thing because I am being difficult, as you put it. I am doing such things because it is so very unfair. There is no reason for either myself or my friends to have been pushed back in the way we have been, no reason for us to be told to cling to the shadows. I refuse to accept that, refuse to believe that it is what I must now expect. Therefore, I will stand tall with my friends, I will walk about with them and prove to thetonthat we have as much right to be in amongst them as they do.”
“I wish you would not.”
“Then what is the alternative for me?” Turning, she stopped walking and faced her mother, who had immediately begun to shake her head, not looking Joy in the eye. “What is there to be done? You do not even walk with me during the ball or soiree, should we be invited to one. Instead, you go in search of your own friends and leave me quite alone!”
“What am I to do other than seek out a little enjoyment for myself? I have failed in securing you a husband… no,youhave failed by making certain that no gentleman wants to consider you.”
Joy swallowed at the knot in her throat.
“Lord Yarmouth has stood up with me on two separate occasions now.”
“Because he is a soft-hearted fellow who has taken pity onallthe wallflowers,” came the acid reply, Lady Halifax’s eyes narrowing. “I have watched him dance with everyone, yourself included. Do not think that it means anything, or that he has some genuine interest in you. Clearly, his heart is concerned for all of you, and he is doing what he can to show you a little interest in the hope that it will be an encouragement.”
Joy did not think that her mother’s words were meant to wound with such fierceness but, all the same, they cut with great strength and soreness. Ever since she had first spoken toLord Dartford and, thereafter, dealt with the consequences, her mother’s attitude towards her had changed significantly. Instead of compassion and understanding, there had been a growing hardness, a desire to pull away, rather than support. Keeping her gaze fixed straight ahead, she narrowed her eyes just a little in an attempt to keep the tears from filling them, refusing to let a single one fall. She was strong. She was determined within herself, for that was who she was and what she had clung to. To permit herself to be molded into something else, intosomeoneelse, as her mother had desired would not have brought her any happiness.
But neither does this situation.
“I do not know what we are to do.” Lady Halifax let her heavy sigh fall in Joy’s direction. “Mayhap I ought to take you back home but then that would mean an end to the Season… and I do not think that I am quite ready to return. There may still be aslimchance that someone might consider you, though–
“There is no need to return home,” Joy said, firmly, her voice cutting through her mother’s words. “I have no intention of turning away from what I am doing at present, however. My friends and I will continue to behave as everyone else does at balls and soirees. I will not be pushed to stand in the shadows.”
“Thenno onewill consider you!” Throwing up her hands, Lady Halifax began to stride away from Joy, just as she did at every occasion which they attended together. “I thought that perhaps a gentleman without any hope of a match might look to a wallflower, or one who lacks any confidence whatsoever would consider someone even quieter than he, but now, if you continue to act as you have been, then what will become of you?”
Joy blinked furiously to keep her tears back, wondering if her mother had even the slightest idea of just how much her words hurt. It was as though the only thing she cared about was marrying Joy to anyone who would have her, rather thancarefully considering precisely who such a person was, and what sort of husband they might be to Joy.
I am truly saddened by all of this.Dropping her head, Joy took a deep breath.My mother has never been at all sympathetic, and now I feel almost entirely alone.
Taking another long breath, Joy lifted her head and began to follow her mother – drawing even more attention to herself at the present moment would not be favorable.
