“If only I had not allowed my own heart to be so affected,” she answered softly. “That is what has frustrated me so. How could it be that, upon hearing how little he thought of what I desire most of all, I onlythenrealized how much I have come to care for him?”
Lady Winterbrook gave her a small smile.
“It is because the heart can do a great many things. It can hide our true self from us. It can hold onto anger and disappointment long after we think that we have forgiven and forgotten it. It can reveal the love we have for another before we have even had the opportunity tothinkof it.”
“Then what am I to do?” She was a little frustrated with herself for she had managed to hide her emotions from everyone for the last few days, only for them now to pour out like a torrent. “How am I to rid myself of such feelings?”
“Alas.” Lady Winterbrook lifted her shoulders, then let them fall with a sigh. “I do not think that you can.” She offered Constance a small smile, as though that would be comfort. “That is the nature of love, I am afraid. It often comes upon you without your willingness, and certainly does not leave simply because you request it to depart. That is why it is said that one’s heart can break on occasion. It may be because the love which one has is not returned by the other, and thus, one must bear the pain of unrequited love, while the love itself continues to linger on regardless.”
Constance sniffed and turned away a little, wiping her eyes again.
“That is dreadful.”
“Yes, I am afraid it can be.” A quiet laugh came from Lady Winterbrook, but Constance knew it was not one of mirth. “Might I suggest….” She bit her lip only for Constance’s eyebrows to raise in question. “Might I suggest that, if you are bold, you take yourself to speak with Lord Seaton about this?”
Horror thrust itself into Constance’s heart.
“You think that I should tell him that I fear I am in love with him?”
“No, indeed, I did not mean that.” Lady Winterbrook waved one hand. “Forgive me for my lack of clarity. No, what I mean to say is that you might speak with him about Lady Margaret. You could suggest that his heart is closed to all manner of things because of how his declaration to her was received. Perhaps it might aid you both.”
Despite her friend’s explanation, Constance could only feel a curl of disinclination.
“I do not think that I could.”
Lady Winterbrook nodded in obvious understanding.
“Very well. Then might I say also, without meaning to be callous in any way, that you shall have to prepare your heart regardless. You have two other gentlemen whom you might consider, both of whom, according to their letters, seek a love match. Either that or your father will present you with someone very soon that neither your mother nor Lady Yardley will be able to protest about. Either way, my dear, you will soon be betrothed and you must prepare yourself for that. I know that you have long desired a match where your heart is filled with another and he is in love with you in return, but I must ask you if you can truly find a way to be contented if your marriage does not have love within it?” Constance closed her eyes, the thought so overwhelming that she found herself struggling even to accept it. “If you cannot,” Lady Winterbrook continued, softly, “then pray, raise your courage, and speak openly with Lord Seaton in the hope that your words might ignite something within him. Perhaps then, my dear friend, you will gain what you have long hoped for.”
Despite her friend’s encouragements, Constance could feel nothing but despair in her spirit and, with fresh tears threatening, she shook her head.
“At this juncture, I find myself thinking that a gentleman whom my father considers appropriate may very well be the best choice.”
Her voice was low, and her heart sank as Lady Winterbrook’s eyes rounded in obvious surprise.
“My dear friend, you are speaking from a place of pain and disappointment which, while I understand, is not a good situation in which to make any sort of decision.” Lady Winterbrook took her hand and patted it gently with the other. “Do not do anything until you have a chance to speak to Lady Yardley and the rest of your friends. We are all here to support you with this.”
What was there to do but to agree? With only a minuscule nod, Constance lowered her gaze to the floor, her heart entirely unwilling to talk any further about what she now felt for Lord Seaton. What good would talking do? It would not lead to anything good.
“Thank you.” Lady Winterbrook let go of her hand, sounding relieved. “I wish you did not have to feel such sorrow. I –”
“It now appears as though I am the one interrupting you.”
Constance was not ready to lay eyes on Lord Seaton again, but he was in her presence regardless. A slightly strangled sound came from her throat as she fought to greet him, which was thankfully covered by Lady Winterbrook’s effusive welcome.
“Lord Seaton.” She smiled warmly as Constance quickly composed herself, taking a long, slow breath that lifted her shoulders and her chin. “We were at the end of our conversation, so you are quite welcome.”
“I am glad to hear that.” Lord Seaton smiled in obvious relief, but to Constance’s eyes, it was not the same, warm, familiar smile he usually wore and, with his gaze dancing from one place to the next, Constance considered him a little uncertain. Perhaps he felt the same strain as she did at this moment. Her heart did not lift at this, nor give her any relief. Whatever he felt, she was sure that it could not be from sorrow and upset, as were the feelings which filled her own heart. Instead, it perhaps came from confusion and uncertainty, wondering why she was no longer as warm towards him as she had been some days ago. How could she be bold, as Lady Winterbrook had suggested? How could she speak to a gentleman who had very little understanding of what it was she felt – and who had been so quick to reject it as nonsense? “Are you dancing this evening, Miss Millington?”
Swallowing the knot in her throat, Constance tried to smile.
“I am not certain, my Lord.” That was the truth for, thus far, no gentleman had come to enquire as to whether they might put their name on her dance card and, besides which, she was not in the best of spirits either. “My dance card is entirely empty as yet, so it remains to be seen whether or not I shall stand up with anyone.”
“Mayhap if you did not hide your beauty in the shadows, then you would have many a gentleman coming to seek you out.” His gentle words did not make her smile, although his compliment was appreciated, nonetheless. At seeing her lack of reaction, Lord Seaton’s eyes suddenly flared. “Forgive me, I did not mean to insult you, or make to say that-”
“Do not worry, Lord Seaton.” With a gentle laugh, Lady Winterbrook attempted to break the obvious tension. “We quite understand what you meant. Constance and I were seeking a place for a private conversation, which is why we stand here. I am sure that we aremorethan ready to return to the other guests.”
Saying this, she turned her head and fixed Constance with a long look, making it quite clear to Constance precisely what was being asked of her. Would she be willing to put aside her hurt and disappointment and stand up with Lord Seaton again? Or was she too heartsore to do so?
