“I thought I would have forgiven him by now - forgivenher.” His voice was low, as though he spoke to himself, and Adam looked away, suddenly uncomfortable with his friend’s vulnerability. It was not that he found what was being said disconcerting, but that he was uncertain as to how to respond. What could he say that would offer Lord Campbell any sort of encouragement? What could he say to a man who had been so broken by another? Lord Campbell had been betrothed to one Miss Barrett, but when Lord Westerton had come to London society, she was soon caught up with him instead and, after only a fortnight, the betrothal between the lady and Lord Campbell had come to an abrupt end. The excuse given had nothing to do with Lord Westerton, of course, but Lord Campbell had been all too aware of the truth. “It is not as though she ever declared herself to have a deep affection for me.”
“But that does not mean that you did not have an affection forher.”
Lord Campbell shook his head and sighed heavily.
“What is worse - and you will mock me for this, I am sure - is that my heart still longs for her in a way I did not expect.” Adam blinked in surprise, but said nothing, choosing to wisely keep his thoughts to himself. His first impulse was to throw up his hands and state precisely what he felt about Miss Barrett and what she had done to ruin Lord Campbell’s happiness. Why a gentleman should still find himself so inclined towards a young lady who had hurt him so furiously was not something he could understand. “Lord Westerton’s return is not the cause of my strife, however.” Lord Campbell groaned aloud, throwing back his head as he did so and continuing to pace up and down, no longer looking at Adam. “She is here.”
This time Adam could not contain his surprise.
“You mean to say that Miss Barrett is back in society? She is in London?”
“Yes. She has returned with her mother and younger sister.” Lord Campbell swallowed hard. “She is not wed.” This was said with a sharp look sent in Adam’s direction, but Adam simply shook his head in astonishment. He had expected – as Lord Campbell had also – that the lady would wed Lord Westerton. “Neither is her younger sister. I confess that I am astonished to hear that she has not yet married Lord Westerton. I thought that was the intention.”
“We did not hear of any betrothal, I suppose.”
“That is because I did not want to hear anything about her,” came the sharp retort. “Do you recall? I forbade you from speaking her name. Lord Dennington, on the other hand, decided to forget that he had made me such a promise and told me about her return this morning.”
Adam nodded slowly, rubbing his chin for a moment. Now that he thought of it, he did recall that his friend had stated such a thing last Season, and thus he had closed his ears to anything regarding the young lady and assumed that Lord Dennington had done the same. Now, however, it seemed that Lord Dennington had been the one to break their promise – although Lord Campbell did not appear angry about that.
“Perhaps it is a good thing that you know,” he considered aloud. “You will be prepared for when you must lay eyes upon her again.”
“Am I that much of a fool to still be drawn to her?”
It was a question Adam had no intention of answering, and as Lord Campbell continued to wave his arms around and expound at length, he sank back into his chair and let his friend speak openly and without interruption. Lord Campbell talked of how his heart had been sore, grievously pained, and how he had found himself to be in such a dire situation that he had believed he certainly could never allow his heart to feel an affection for anyone again. But despite a year passing, he still found himself thinking about her. Yes, he had told himself repeatedly that it was foolishness and stupidity, and that he was nothing but a fool, but upon hearing of her return, much to his frustration, his heart had leaped about with a sudden joy - a joy he did not wish to feel.
This, Adam concluded, was again a reason why allowing oneself to fall in love was quite ridiculous. It would do nothing but bring heartbreak and sorrow, frustration, and confusion. How glad he was thathewould not permit his own heart to settle upon such a thing again!
“And thus I find myself quite at a loss; still in love with a young lady I want to forget.”
Adam sighed heavily.
“And I believed you last evening when you told me that you had no feelings for her, although I should never have made such a remark as that either.”
“I lied.” Lord Campbell threw up both hands, his voice echoing around the room. “I knew it would be seen as foolish and, given the heaviness which already hung upon you, it was not as though I wished to have it thrown like a cloak over my shoulders also.” Flinching, Adam sank back into his chair a little more. What Lord Campbell said was quite true, for he had been in a very despondent mood and had never once thought how his manner might affect his friends. “Besides, how could I admit such a thing to you, when I could barely admit it to myself?” Now, eventually seeming to lose some of his strength and no longer pacing the room, Lord Campbell made his way towards Adam and then slumped into a chair opposite. “I know myself to be a fool, but what else can I do but confess it, in the hope that in telling you of it, it may leave me?”
“And has it done so?”
Rising, Adam went to pour his friend a whiskey. Yes, it was very early but, to his mind, the situation required it.
“No.”
Sounding most irritated, Lord Campbell took the whiskey from him with a grunt.
“I do not think you are a fool.” Adam shrugged both shoulders. “Though I do think that you ought to attempt to rid yourself of these feelings in some way.”
“As you have been able to do, so easily?”
Adam turned away, making to sit back down in his chair.
“Yes, I have been able to remove the affection from my heart easily enough,” he stated quite honestly. “But in all truth, I begin to wonder whether love is a truly genuine emotion that one can feel for any great length of time. Mayhapsomecan, such as yourself but, on the whole, I begin to consider it an emotion that is easily dissipated.”
At this, Lord Campbell snorted aloud and rolled his eyes.
“You say such things only because you have neverexperiencedlove.”
With a scowl, Adam drummed his fingers on the edge of the table, aware of the hint of temper beginning to rise.
“How can you say such a thing to me? You know very well I had a great depth of feeling for Lady Margaret.”
