“All of this is why I say that there are many other gentlemen who have done far worse than you.” Her smile lingered. “I speak to myself also, I think. I see now that there is some goodness in your actions. You have given Miss Whitford a happy future. You have protected her granduncle and you have done many other things to aid and support those who needed it. I should not like your reputation to be ruined, not when you have done some good. It is better than being a scoundrel through and through, is it not?” Felix could not account for her kindness. What could he say to her in response? He could not accept her words that he was no better or worse than any other gentleman, feeling the weight of his guilt settle upon him all the heavier, as though her words had added to his shame. “Because of this, I will not let these men ruin you or end our betrothal. Any decisions on these matters will be of my own mind and of my own considerations.” The determination in her tone made him smile briefly. She had returned to her usual self, her confidence and poise filling him with admiration. “We shall find a way.”
Felix held out one hand and after a moment. Lady Elizabeth took it. He bent forward over it, his lips to the back of her hand, lingering there as he squeezed his eyes closed and allowed his heart to settle into a calmer rhythm. He had been so afraid. Afraid that he would lose her, afraid that his life and his future, as he had hoped, would be quite ruined, and all by his own doing. Now, however, Lady Elizabeth was giving him a further opportunity - one he did not deserve, and one he certainly did not want to lose. There was still the chance that she might decide to break off their betrothal regardless, but at least she would not do so because of blackmail, or out of fear. He could not help but admire her for that.
“We must ask Lady Yardley, Lady Sherbourne, and Miss Millington for their advice.” Lady Elizabeth squeezed his fingers gently as he lifted his head. “What say you, Lord Winterbrook, will you allow us to discuss the matter? To find a way forward together?”
“I will do whatever I must.”
He did not have any pride left within him, no desire to face this future on his own. In this, he was more than contented, more than willing to accept whatever help he could be offered - even if it meant availing himself to these ladies. If it meant baring his heart and revealing his foolishness to them all, he would do it. He would do anything to keep Lady Elizabeth safe.
“Then shall we take tea tomorrow?” The gentleness of her smile burned into him, searing his heart all over again. “It will be at Lady Yardley’s, I think. I will make the arrangements.”
Swallowing at the tightness in his throat, Felix simply gazed upon her for a long moment.
“You are without comparison, Lady Elizabeth.” Taking a breath, he inclined his head to her, lost in her goodness. “I can do nothing but thank you.”
Her smile grew soft.
“Shall we dance, Lord Winterbrook?”
A little overwhelmed, Felix stepped back, staring at her as if she had quite lost her senses.
“You wish to dance? With me?”
Lady Elizabeth offered him a small smile.
“I do recall that we enjoy dancing the waltz together, do we not?”
Felix could not bring himself to speak. The sweetness of Lady Elizabeth, the generosity of her heart, after all that he had done, was more than he deserved. Saying nothing, he bowed towards her, then offered her his arm.
“Thank you, Lord, Winterbrook.”
“Are you certain that you wish to waltz with me?”
Hearing the gruffness in his voice, aware that it betrayed his emotions, Felix gazed at his betrothed with a steadiness he did not feel within him. Searching her face, eager to know if she truly was doing so because she desired it or only because she felt the need to keep up the pretense of happiness and contentment for those who would be watching.
“I do enjoy the waltz.” came her gentle reply. “And I enjoy it the most when I am dancing it with you.”
Her eyes averted, but a slight pink rose in her cheeks as Felix found himself grinning broadly. Feeling as though he had been offered the greatest gift a gentleman had ever been presented with, he walked steadily, with Lady Elizabeth on his arm, towards the center of the room. As he walked, Felix made a silent promise to himself: no matter how much it took from him, he would do whatever was required to make amends. His only aim now was to heal the wound he had left upon Lady Elizabeth’s heart.
Chapter Fifteen
Elizabeth looked across the room. Thus far, everyone sat in silence, and she felt the growing tension to be almost insurmountable. From the look on Miss Millington’s face, it was quite clear that she was not particularly enamored of Lord Winterbrook’s presence, and Elizabeth could not blame her for feeling so. Lord Winterbrook had not exactly behaved well, but when they had spoken the previous evening, something within her had shifted. It was difficult to explain, and difficult to understand precisely what it was, but she recognized it, nonetheless. It was just as Lady Sherbourne had suggested. Under all of the pain and upset that Lord Winterbrook had brought, the affection for him was something she had been unable to remove from her heart.
In the carriage on the way to the ball, the decision about whether to continue with their betrothal or to end it had been swirling in her mind. She had reminded herself that it would rely solely on whether or not Lord Winterbrook’s supposed affection for her had been genuine and in that, he had proven himself. It had come when they had been talking about her altercation with Stafford, when Lord Winterbrook himself had insisted that she end their betrothal for her sake.
It was then that she had realized the truth, had seen the suffering in his eyes, and had believed that his words had been honest. Everything he had said to her regarding his own feelings, she did not doubt any longer. He had been a gentleman altered, one she did not recognize, for he had been almost distraught over what Stafford had done. When she had spoken of the threats, Lord Winterbrook’s expression had been wild and furious in equal measure, afraid for her, ashamed of what he had done, and what his behavior had brought about. Despite what it would do to his own heart, he had been desperate to protect her and, in seeing that, Elizabeth had come to realize that what she had longed for, what she had long dreamed of, and what she had promised herself was still within her grasp. It did not mean that their connection was entirely secure, nor that she was perfectly happy, or entirely able to forgive him, but there was still hope. Hope that she might still have a marriage of love rather than of convenience. Much was still to be healed but for the most part, she was willing to give their connection another opportunity to thrive. This meant that, for the moment, they would have to face a most difficult situation with these three men who were determined to have Lord Winterbrook return to their way of life.
“My apologies.” Lady Yardley sailed into the room and immediately the sharp tension broke. Elizabeth smiled quickly as Lord Winterbrook rose to his feet, but Lady Yardley waved one hand. “No need for formality I assure you. I can see that tea has already been served.” She offered a quick smile to Lady Sherbourne. “Thank you, my dear. The situation is at present rather difficult, I understand, Lord Winterbrook?”
Lord Winterbrook cleared his throat. His face was a little red as he spoke, but he said every word clearly and distinctly.
“Yes. It is all my own fault, I confess. I was foolish in what I did, for I never once considered that there would be such severe consequences, not only for myself, but also for Lady Elizabeth. I never intended for her to become involved in such a way and now that she has been threatened, I am greatly tormented.”
He continued his explanation, holding nothing back and sharing everything which had happened.
Anyone who listened would have no other choice but to believe him, such was the sincerity of his words. Elizabeth watched as Miss Millington’s eyebrows lifted. Her gaze turned towards Elizabeth, who then nodded as if to confirm that all he had said was true.
“And that is the state of things, as they stand.” Lord Winterbrook finished with a heavy sigh, then gestured to Elizabeth with one hand. “I can only finish by saying how sorrowful I am that Lady Elizabeth was involved in this matter. I did not ever think that such a thing would happen, but then again, I did not consider things carefully. I only considered myself and my desire to be a little entertained. Desires which have proven themselves to be more than a little ridiculous.”
