“Although I do not think that is the way the heart works.” Lady Sherbourne offered this remark with a small sigh. “Just because he has made this revelation to you does not mean that your heart will not still desire him. It is a very strange thing, for at this moment there will be a great many sensations, a great sway of emotions at work, including anger, sadness, disappointment, upset, fear, and confusion. Despite this, underneath it all, you may find that your heart is still enamored of him. The affection you had is still within you.”
“I can hardly allow myself to believe that.” Elizabeth shook her head, unwilling to even think about the fact that she might still be in love with Lord Winterbrook after everything he had done. “That seems to be most peculiar.”
“And yet, it is the way of things.” Lady Yardley spread out both hands. “And now that you find yourself in this predicament, you must decide what it is you are to do.”
Elizabeth nodded, her shoulders dropping, her hands settling in her lap as she looked down at her fingers, which were lacing gently together. She had been dwelling on this for most of the night, and had not allowed herself to consider much else – not even slumber - but now that it was time to face the situation as it stood, her heart was weak with sorrow.
“I do not think that there is very much Icando,” she answered honestly. “My mother has already written to my father, who will, no doubt, accept Lord Winterbrook’s request for my hand. News of the betrothal will be all over London by now, and itwasI who stepped forward and stated that I was betrothed to Lord Winterbrook. He did permit me to make that choice for myself, and that was what I decided to do at the time.”
“But youdolove him, I suppose, even if you do not wish to.” Miss Millington, who had said very little up until this moment, lifted her gaze to Elizabeth. “However, if you decide that you do not wish to marry him, then you could break the betrothal.”
Elizabeth sighed.
“I am not certain that I can do so, not after I was the one who stated that we were betrothed. To break it now would cause an uproar! I regret my hastiness, but I fear it is done.” The heaviness of that particular statement settled on her shoulders, and she sighed, aware that tears were yet again threatening, but this time making no effort to push them away. “Lord Winterbrook stated that he had an affection for me, said he cared for me, and that his feelings were growing with such significance, his heart was twining itself to mine. But given that he has hidden so much from me, I am not certain that I can believe him.”
A short silence spread about the room and Lady Yardley, after some moments of quiet, was the one to break it.
“And that is your fear, is it not?” she asked simply, as Elizabeth swallowed hard and allowed tears to trickle to her cheeks, wiping them away with her handkerchief.
“Yes, that is so.” Her vision grew blurry with tears. “I fear it is as Lady Sherbourne says. I fear that my heart is still full of him, although injured by hurt and disappointment. And it is the one thing I do not wish to feel!”
“No one can tell you what to do about Lord Winterbrook. Do not feel that you must stay in your betrothal.” Lady Yardley smiled gently. “This must be your own decision.”
Tears still seeped from the edges of her eyes.
“I suppose that I should talk to him about all that I feel but, in truth, I have no desire to even see him at the present moment.”
“Then you do not need to,” Lady Yardley answered firmly. “You must take as much time as you require before you make any further decision. Do not allow pressures from society to push you into a course of action that you might soon regret.”
Nodding slowly, Elizabeth managed to dry her tears. It was all still so much of a shock that, at times, she could barely breathe, sensing a great band placed around her chest, squeezing her all the tighter whenever she thought of the highwayman. The highwayman who had stolen her brooch, who had appeared so brash and bold, and who had kissed her without hesitation. She had not seen it before. In all of her considerations, she had never once imagined that Lord Winterbrook could be that man. And yet now that she stood on the other side of it, now that she realized exactly who he was and what he had done, everything seemed to make sense. The boldness, the firmness of character, his twinkling eye, and his bright smile had made her respond in a particular fashion on two separate occasions. That was her shame, she silently admitted, knowing that she had allowed herself to be so completely captured by him. When he had kissed her as the highwayman, he had ignited a spark within her – and that very same spark had roared into life when she had pressed her lips to his. There was no denying it. There was something about him that made her respond in that manner. Was she truly so weak?
Heat billowed through her, and she dropped her head, ashamed that, even now when she thought of him, recalling their kisses, the desire within her remained. The excitement and anticipation still curled within her. How could she think of him in that way, when she knew who he was and what he had done? How could her heart still yearn for him, after what he had taken from her, after what he had hidden from her? It did not make any sense whatsoever.
“I can see this is a strain for you.” Speaking quietly, Lady Yardley smiled softly so as not to add any further suffering to Elizabeth’s broken heart. “But while he has done to you a great wrong, I would also remind you of the accounts we have heard of this highwayman. In a strange way, Elizabeth, he has done some good, despite the fact that he ought to never have done such a thing in the first place.”
Elizabeth sniffed.
“He has helped those in need, I suppose.”
“And that came only after he met you, I believe.” Miss Millington smiled gently. “You were the person who brought about that change. Once he met you, he no longer took from those he stopped but instead, he did what he could to aid them. If you recall, he has not taken another item from anyone else since he stopped you. That was something he said to you, was it not?”
“He did.” Elizabeth lifted both shoulders in a shrug. “But whether or not I can believe him I do not know.”
“I suggest that you can in this regard, at least.” Spreading out her hands, Lady Yardley’s expression remained gentle. “I understand that you will have a great many questions regarding the gentleman but permit yourself to consider the accounts we have been given. Those all speak of the highwayman hebecame. It does not excuse him, as I have said, but he did do some things of great kindness.”
Elizabeth nodded but did not really take in what was being said. Her pain was still too great.
“No matter what good he did, he still kept a great deal from me.”
“Yes, that is so.” Lady Yardley took a deep breath. “It is an unenviable situation, my dear Lady Elizabeth, and I am sorry for it.”
“As am I,” Miss Millington added. “The secrets he held back from you must now be causing you significant pain.”
Swallowing her threatening tears, Elizabeth managed a wan smile.
“I shall find a way.” This was said more to herself than to her friends. “Only you three and Lord Winterbrook himself know of my true feelings. For all of society, I shall have to play a part, to pretend that I am satisfied and happy and that all is well between us. Lord Winterbrook will know differently, however.”
“Then might I suggest that you speak with him first,beforeyou attend a society occasion,” Lady Yardley suggested. “Make it plain how you truly feel, so that he will not be deceived by the pretense which you feel required to present to the world. Though I would also encourage you to be as honest as you can with those around you, those you feel close enough to share your heart with. But I understand the pressures which society brings to ladies such as ourselves.”
