“And how would you pay for such an estate?” Finally breaking the quiet, Lady Elizabeth’s voice was filled with ice. “Is it from the things which you have taken from others?”
He shook his head.
“I have never kept anything I have taken.”
“Apart from my brooch.”
Shame drew his head forward.
“Apart from your brooch,” he admitted softly. “After I met you, I swear, I never took another item from anyone. As regards your brooch, I had the intention of returning it to you – as I had returned every item before that. I did not know how to do so, given that our connection was becoming so warm, and my heart so involved.”
Her broken laughter shattered the room, sending shards of shame to pierce him.
“How can I trust a word you have said to me?” Her tone was harsh, burning words scalding his skin. “You said you cared for me but how can you do so whenyoutook this brooch from me? You knew how much it meant to me and still you did not return it. You had ample opportunity to do so, but you did not.”
Accepting her words, Felix’s shoulders dropped low. Lady Elizabeth was quite correct. Yes, he had needed to put the brooch back into her possession but instead, he had focused on his connection to her, chasing away the idea for fear it might drive them apart.
“I swear to you, I did have an intention to return it, though it was not at the forefront of my mind.” Admitting this aloud, he reached to touch her hand with his, but she shuddered and pulled away. Felix’s heart tore all over again. “If you might consider allowing me to explain all to you, then I would be most grateful. I fully understand that you might have very little desire to do anything of the sort, however, in which case I shall respect that also.”
Her eyes now clear of tears, but her cheeks still a little flushed, Lady Elizabeth looked at him.
“And yet you still expect me to betroth myself to you?”
Having no other answer, Felix put out both hands.
“I do not know. I shall leave that decision with you.” Gesturing to the door, he sidestepped her as he made for it. “But we must take our leave. We have been in here for too long, alone, already. Please.”
The moment he opened the door, there were about a dozen expectant faces looking at him – including that of Lord Bramwell. Felix said nothing, not even smiling, but instead turning his attention to Lady Elizabeth. Taking a moment, Lady Elizabeth held her head high and walked to the door, her shoulders stiff and her face expressionless. Felix held her gaze, watching her expression change when her eyes turned toward those who were waiting. Her eyes flared as she took in their obvious expectation, her face losing its last hint of color as she glanced toward him.
Felix held his breath.
“We are betrothed.”
Her voice was broken with emotion and while everyone else smiled and cheered and even yelled with evident delight, Felix was all too aware that Lady Elizabeth felt nothing of joy or happiness. She had said those words simply to protect herself, and to protect her family’s reputation. Had she had any choice in the matter, she would have rejected him outright and been perfectly right to do so. He would have been injured, his heart painful with regret, but he would have deserved it.
“My hearty congratulations!” Lord Bramwell appeared by Felix’s side and slapped him on the shoulder. “I must confess that I was rather surprised when Lady Elizabeth threw herself into the parlor in that manner. I did not expect it in the least!”
“Nor did I.” Felix dropped his head, running one hand over his eyes, his heart so heavy he could not help but speak. “Bramwell, I have entangled myself in a dire situation. It is full of thorns and briars, and I do not know how I am to extricate myself from it.”
Lord Bramwell blinked, his smile frozen to his features.
“I thought you would be very glad indeed to have betrothed yourself to Lady Elizabeth. Had you not planned to do so?”
“It was not my intention when she arrived.” Felix swallowed hard, his throat rough, and lifted his gaze back to his friend. “We must become betrothed to protect her reputation. While I will say, it was extraordinary what she did in marching into the room in such a manner, it came about because of somethingIhave done.” Something coiled around his throat as Lord Bramwell frowned. “I have done something so very wrong, I do not think that she will ever forgive me. We will marry, yes, but it will not be a happy union. I am not what she wanted, nor what she hoped for – and certainly not who she deserves. I have taken all her dreams and torn them into pieces, and ruined her chances of finding what she promised herself.”
“And what is that.”
Sighing heavily, Felix let his gaze drift to where Lady Elizabeth was being embraced by her mother.
“She sought a gentleman who loved her, and whom she loved in return,” he said softly. “And I may love her, Bramwell, my heart may be filled with her, but I do not think that she will ever be able to love me. And that is something I fully deserve.”
* * *
The soiree had endedsome hours ago, but Felix had not been able to retire. His head was far too full of thoughts, swirling and tormenting him in equal measure and thus, he now found himself wandering through the dark streets of London with never a care as to where he went.
His betrothal to Lady Elizabeth ought to be a source of great joy, but instead, it brought nothing but guilt. How could he tie himself to a young lady such as her, so beautiful, so kind and sweet, when he was nothing but a scoundrel? The weight of his previous choices hung heavily upon him, as did his awareness that now she saw him as he truly was – a scoundrel who had done nothing other than steal from her and thereafter, attempted to steal her heart also, without ever being true to her about who he was, what he had done, and how he had injured her. The grief that brought him was immense, and yet the consequences of it, he knew, were entirely of his own making. Quite what he was to do now, Felix had very little idea. His heart still yearned for her, desperate now to make amends, in some way, for what he had done, to prove that he loved her still. Yet even the thought of speaking to her, of trying to explain to her what he had done and the reasons behind it, seemed futile. His explanation that he had been bored and dulled by society was weak, showing him to be nothing but selfish, which, Felix realized, was precisely what he had been.
“I am nothing but a fool.”
