“This must be after I have introduced myself to Lady Shawbost. After that, I will explain all.”
The pain in his chest only grew as he began to walk away, his steps dragging, his whole being demanding he stay still and allow the moment to pass but, clenching his teeth, Phillip forced one step after another, knowing that he had no other choice but to do as Lord Anderton had decreed.
Lord Marchmont did not come after Phillip as he walked away, clearly still deeply confused, but willing to do as Phillip had asked. How little he had appreciated his friend before now! His shame rose again, and he dropped his head, walking out into the gardens just as Lord Anderton had instructed. He did not look to the left, nor the right but made his way directly to the fountain, praying somehow, that Miss Madeley would not see him even if she was nearby. The gardens were well lit, and Phillip silently cursed the light, wishing he could wrap shadows around himself and hide everything which was about to occur from the lady he had taken into his heart.
“Lord Brookmire.” Phillip’s head lifted as Lady Shawbost’s silken voice wrapped itself around him, tugging him closer. He did not move, his throat tight, his hands pulled into tight fists as his nails burned into his skin.I do not want to do this.“Silent?” Lady Shawbost giggled softly, then ran one hand up his arm. “One might enjoy a little entanglement out in the gardens and Lord Anderton told me that you would be more than willing.” Her other hand went to his shoulder, then slipped around his neck, burning him. His eyes remained closed, his whole body beginning to shudder as he forced himself to remain in place while, at the same time, battling the desire to run from her with all the strength he possessed. “Why, you are as much of a scoundrel as has been said!” Lady Shawbost giggled again, pulling herself close to him, but Phillip did not so much as put one hand on her. “See how you shake with desire! We are soverymuch out in the open, however. I would have thought even a gentleman with a reputation such as yours would want to sneak away into the shadows!”
Phillip opened his mouth to say that he did not want to be here, and certainly did not want to have an entanglement with her in the middle of the gardens, only for Lady Shawbost to push herself up on tiptoe and press her mouth to his.
He pulled back instinctively, his head twisting sharply as a cry met his ears.
In the flickering light of the fire glow, Miss Madeley stood, watching. Her hand was at her mouth, her eyes wide – and instinctively, he went to her.
“Lord Brookmire!” Lady Shawbost pulled at his arm, but he shook her off. “That was not at all as I expected.”
“Miss Madeley – Deborah!”
His hoarse voice barely made it through the darkness and before he could reach her, Miss Madeley turned into the arms of her friend and they both hurried away. His heart pounding, he made to follow her, only for Lady Shawbost to catch his arm again.
“Where are you going?”
Her voice had changed from its previous silken softness, and the whine grated across Phillip’s broken spirits, sending yet more pain into his heart. He rounded on her.
“I am leaving, Lady Shawbost.” Aware that he was responding harshly, Phillip did not hold himself back. “I did not come to be embraced by you for I have no interest in your company. Lord Anderton may have suggested otherwise, but the truth is, I have no desire to wrap my arms around you. Understand this, Lady Shawbost, I will not return, and I certainly will not give you what you seek.”
Lady Shawbost blinked and made to say something, but Phillip was already turning back towards the ballroom. He did not know what he should do, or what he should say, but the desperate urgency to find Miss Madeley drove his every step. Heaving great breaths, he licked his lips, the shudder which had been in him before now strengthening all the more.
“Lord Brookmire.” A quiet voice caught his attention and he turned, just as Lady Yardley caught his arm firmly. “Are you quite all right?”
“It is Deborah.” A tightness rang through his voice as he continued his attempts to enter the ballroom, but Lady Yardley held him fast. “I have injured her. I must go and find her. I must-”
“Iwill speak with her.” Lady Yardley held his gaze fixedly, her hand still restraining him. “You know that Lord Anderton will watch for you the moment that you step back into the ballroom. He will make certain that you do not go to Miss Madeley to explain. He wants you to feel this pain – and for her to feel it too. If you go to her now, I fear there will be consequences for you both.” Phillip closed his eyes. “I should have considered this.” Lady Yardley shook her head and turned it away, her expression tight. “I should have been more cautious and taken greater care with Lord Anderton, knowing that he might see the connection between you and Miss Madeley.” Taking a breath, she looked at him again. “You can be assured that I will make certain that she knows your actions this evening were not done willingly.”
A great fear now clung to Phillip’s soul, sending a chill through him that brought gooseflesh to his skin.
“I do not think I can draw near her again.” The realization of how much Lord Anderton might injure her, how much he could pull her into this darkness, suddenly overwhelmed him. “As much as I care for her, I do not want her to become a focus for Lord Anderton.”
Much to Phillip’s surprise, Lady Yardley smiled.
“And that speaks of true affection,” she said softly, “but, knowing Miss Madeley as I do, I believe she will wish to make such a decision herself, once she knows all.”
With a heavy sigh, Phillip nodded, closing his eyes as he did so.
“I cannot imagine how much I must have injured her.”
His heart tore with a great pain, but Lady Yardley set a comforting hand on his for a moment.
“She will understand. The pain will fade.” Her head tilted, and her eyes narrowed just a fraction. “You do truly care for her, do you not?”
Letting out a long breath, Phillip nodded.
“I have not wanted to admit it to anyone, wishing to resolve this situation with Lord Anderton before I looked to my own heart, but yes, it is as you say.” His heart leaped despite the pain within it, and he managed a smile. “It is as if this difficulty has finally made me see how much I care for her. I am only sorry that my affection has become so obvious that Lord Anderton has used it against her.”
“But he will not succeed.” Lady Yardley spoke with a confidence that Phillip did not feel. “Have a little faith, Lord Brookmire. She will return to you.”
Chapter Fourteen
Every part of her burned.
