The words came out before she was ready to have them spoken but, to her relief, Miss Madeley only smiled.
“Then what is it that you want?”
Almeria did not even have to consider her answer.
“I want us to be as close as we once were. I want us to be dear friends, able to share with each other whatever we say, think, and feel at the time. I do not like the fact that he does not spend as much time in my company as he once did. I know that all that you have said is quite true and, no doubt, I am being very foolish in speaking as I am, but that is the truth of it. You ask what I want?Thisis what I want, for it is what I am missing at present, and what I find very difficult to bear.” They walked in silence for some minutes, and although Almeria glanced towards her friend, Miss Madeley said nothing. Her eyes were fixed on the path ahead of them, and though she remained quiet, Almeria knew that her friend was simply considering things. Miss Madeley was always very thoughtful, and did not speak without carefully deliberating what it was that she wanted to say. “It is foolish, I know.” Unable to bear the silence, Almeria spoke again, her heart twisting painfully as though admitting such a thing was agonizing in itself. “It is not as though he appears to have any difficulty in pushing himself away from me.”
The ache in her heart redoubled and she was forced to suck in a breath. She looked for Lord Coppinger whenever they were out in society at a ball or a soiree. She could not recall the last time that they had danced together, and was a little surprised at how much she longed for such a thing now, how much she desired to be back in his arms. Why was he ignoring her? Was it, as Miss Madeley suggested, quite natural? Was this something she ought to simply accept? But if it was, why was she caused so much tumultuous pain by it?
“I think it is quite normal to feel sorrow when a relationship one has known for so long begins to take a different turn.” Miss Madeley’s voice was soft, seeming to understand all that Almeria felt. “But if you do not want such a thing to change, Almeria, you must question what it is you seek instead.”
“I do not know what I seek, other than Lord Coppinger’s company.” Almeria flung up her hand as Miss Madeley simply nodded, ready to listen to yet another outpouring of whatever was bubbling inside Almeria. “This change is not one I find at all pleasing. Yes, of course. I was aware such a thing would happen now that we are both looking for a husband or a wife, but it does not please me, I had thought…” Trailing off, she dropped her hand back to her side, surprised that tears were now forming in her eyes. “I had thought that we would always be close.”
Miss Madeley smiled and tilted her head a little closer to Almeria.
“Well, if that is what you want, then that is what you must pursue.”
Almeria shook her head, aware of the trembling in her voice.
“But how can such a thing be? You are quite right to say that we are now in a new situation in our lives, one where he seeks a bride and I seek a husband. It is normal and right for us to change, for our connection to become a little different. I am simply struggling with that particular idea. Mayhap all I require is a little time to become used to the difference. Yes, that is all, I am sure.”
Even as she spoke, her foolish heart gave her another flare of pain, and she squeezed her eyes closed for a minute.
“Ido not think you desire such a thing as that.” Miss Madeley frowned as Almeria looked to her, startled. “Perhaps it is Almeria, that you care for Lord Coppinger.”
Her heart slammed hard against her ribs and Almeria blinked.
“Care for him?” The idea was almost preposterous. “Good gracious, no!”
“You need not look as shocked as that.” Laughing, her friend tilted her head, squinting at Almeria. “My very dear friend, could you not have noticed how much your heart has quickened whenever Lord Coppinger draws near? Could you truthfully say that you have never found yourself watching him with admiring eyes?
“I…”
To her utter embarrassment and complete shock, Almeria found that she could not answer the question. Miss Madeley laughed softly, but it was not a laugh of mockery.
“Almeria, I saw your reluctance when I first mentioned Lord Coppinger, and how handsome he was. It became clear to me that you were not particularly enamored of the idea of him becoming acquainted with a young lady such as myself, who might, one day, become his bride.”
Flushing, Almeria immediately tried to explain, stuttering as she did so.
“No, indeed, it is not that I thought you an unsuitable match. It is only that –”
“Pray, be at peace.” Pressing Almeria’s arm, Miss Madeley silenced her protests. “I can understand that this may come as a great shock to you, and I certainly will not seek to embarrass you further. But consider it, my dear friend. I should not want you to miss any potential happiness simply because you have not even thought about the fact that you might be in love with the gentleman.”
“In love with him?” Almeria swallowed, those words seeming to burn her lips. “Certainly I cannot be in love with him, Deborah. He and I are like brother and sister. I have told you so many times.”
“And yet, consider your response to his absence.” Miss Madeley tipped her head, her eyebrow lifting gently. “That is more than a sister might feel for her brother’s absence, I can assure you. Besides which, you arenotbrother and sister. You have been known to each other for a long time, certainly, perhaps, but you are not kin. Mayhap the beginnings of you falling in love with him came many years ago, before you were ever aware of it. And now it has lingered for so long, it has become a part of you without you ever truly being able to decipher what such feelings are.” She chuckled softly. “And it has taken a friend’s observation to express it to you.” Almeria did not know whether to be horrified or relieved at her friend’s considerations. There was such a shock there, that she could barely seem to catch her breath. “Come, we will talk of something else and quicken our steps a little, so we do not lose sight of my Mama.”
Miss Madeley, perhaps sensing how overwhelmed Almeria felt, began to talk of the upcoming ball. Almeria’s head turned as she listened to her friend’s delight, only for both shock and overwhelming delight to pour into her, causing her heart to beat furiously at the sight of none other than Lord Coppinger and Lord Trevelyan. They were walking together, with Lord Coppinger’s hands clasped neatly behind his back, his head tilted towards his friend. As they spoke, there were no smiles or laughter, but instead, there was a very grave expression on Lord Coppinger’s face. All the same, Almeria’s heart yearned to hear his voice, and she found herself calling his name before she had even thought to do so. She did not miss the sharp look sent to her by Miss Madeley but dared not look at her directly.
Thankfully, Lord Coppinger looked towards her, and he immediately started forward, only to stop, inclining his head before making to turn away.
“Marcus!” Now her feet were hurrying forward, closing the space between them as Lord Coppinger cleared his throat, with Lord Trevelyan shrugging a little. “How good it is to see you.”
“Almeria.” He did not smile, and certainly his gaze would not linger on hers. “Good afternoon.”
“Good afternoon.” Hearing that she sounded a little breathless, Almeria quickly directed her greeting to Lord Trevelyan, who nodded, but again did not smile. “I have been so eager to see you of late, Marcus.” Directing her attention back to her friend, Almeria continued quickly before Lord Trevelyan could say anything. “You have been in society certainly, and we have been at many occasions together, but I have not been able to find the opportunity to talk with you.”
Lord Coppinger cleared his throat and his gaze shifted to her left.
