Jonathan bit back a laugh, wondering what that said about his own friendship with Lord Knoxbridge. They were two very different sorts, with Lord Knoxbridge leaning towards roguish behavior. Jonathan, on the other hand, enjoyed a few dalliances but never behaved in the way that Lord Knoxbridge did.
“What is your reason for asking about him?
Shaking his head, Jonathan took another sip of his brandy.
“I did tell you not to ask me the reason…There is a reason, of course. but I am disinclined to tell you what it is.”
Lord Knoxbridge chuckled, clearly not taking the remark to be a slant at his character or their friendship.
“Surely I am not as foolish a gentleman as you think me?” His grin grew as he shrugged. “Then again, I suppose that I have let my tongue be a little too loose on more than one occasion.”
“Yes, you have,” Jonathan threw back at him with a grin. “The only thing I should say is this: it is important that I discover Lord Alderton’s true character. However, the fact that he is a quiet sort – as you suggested – sits him in good stead.”
Were he honest with himself, Jonathan knew how eagerly he wanted to find some deeply duplicitous characteristic about Lord Alderton. He wanted to find something despicable, something dreadful and so evil, that it would deter Lady Cassandra from him. That, he realized, was the reason for his dark mood. He did not want Lady Cassandra to be close with any other gentleman, even though he was the one who was meant to be helping her in her quest to find a suitable gentleman – a gentleman who would marry her with love in his heart.
“You are frowning.” Pointing this out with one long finger, Lord Knoxbridge grinned as Jonathan narrowed his eyes at him. “There is something difficult going on within your mind, is there not? What is it? Is it about a young lady?” His eyes twinkled. “What is her name?”
Jonathan shook his head.
“I beg of you, do not evenattemptto guess.” A small smile flicked across his lips. “I will admit to you that my thoughts are, at present, settled on a young lady, but it is not as you might believe.”
Lord Knoxbridge let out such a bark of laughter, many of the other gentlemen in White’s turned their faces to look at him. Jonathan himself dropped his head, highly embarrassed at his friend’s laughter.
“Do you truly expect me to believe that you have no particular feelings for any young lady? Even though I am all too aware of just how much you looked at Lady Cassandra this evening?”
Hushing his friend with a hiss of breath, Jonathan shook his head.
“You are mistaken. I was looking at her simply because I have offered to be of aid to her.” His voice grew a little louder as his temper rose, and he found himself frustrated at how obvious his behavior had been. “You know very well that I have no intention of matrimony.”
“That may be so, but is the lady aware of it?”
Lord Knoxbridge chuckled as Jonathan ran one hand over his face, fighting to keep his anger in check.
“As I have said, I am often in her company, often studying her simply so that I might support her.” Struggling in vain to keep hold of his temper, Jonathan slammed one fist down onto the table, aware that he was overreacting, but unable to prevent himself from doing so. “Do you understand me? I am seeking to be the very best sort of fellow I can be so I can support her in her search for a husband.” His voice was low, yet filled with an anger that burned through him. “I am thinking of her – and of her friends – so that I can be a support to them and, I might add, to Lady Yardley in her husband’s absence.” Lord Knoxbridge shook his head, his smile still lingering and it was the smile that frustrated Jonathan all the more. His jaw tightened, his nails biting into the palm of his hand – and yet Lord Knoxbridge simply smiled. “Knoxbridge.”
His friend sighed and waved a hand.
“Very well, very well. I shall not ask you any further questions – although you should consider why you responded to me in such a way. That anger is most unusual from you.” Holding up both hands, palms out towards Jonathan, Lord Knoxbridge settled back in his chair. “And when you wish to speak about the lady and your unsettling feelings for her, be assured that I will be willing to listen.”
Closing his eyes, Jonathan let out a slow breath as his anger began to fade away.
“And speak of it, no doubt.” Muttering to himself, and now beginning to feel somewhat embarrassed by his furious reaction, Jonathan threw back the rest of his brandy. “The reason I seek out Lord Alderton’s character is to know whether he is a suitable match for Lady Cassandra. I plan to discover whether he is a worthy sort. That is all.”
Lord Knoxbridge chuckled again.
“And now the reason for your fury becomes clear.” Pushing himself out of his chair, he threw a smile in Jonathan’s direction. “When you feel able to discuss such matters with me, then I will be here to talk with you. Otherwise, I wish you well.”
Seeing his friend depart, Jonathan bit back his response, deeply frustrated by the fact that his friend seemed to understand more about Jonathan’s own heart than he did himself. Settling back into his chair, he scowled to himself, no longer looking after Lord Knoxbridge, but staring straight ahead at the blank wall opposite. These feelings were both confusing and unsettling. He did not want to feelanythingof what was in his heart, but the feelings ignored his wishes, and were continuing to grow. He had told himself that he would easily be able to remove Lady Cassandra from his thoughts once the shock of seeing her for the first time had worn off. She would only be one of many beautiful young ladies of his acquaintance, and he would not think anything particular of her over any other. Now, however, he was beginning to see that she was going to become a good deal more to him than just a mere acquaintance if he was not careful.
Gesturing for a footman to bring him another brandy, Jonathan closed his eyes and let his head roll back. Thus far, all he was doing was discovering just how much he was beginning to be affected by Lady Cassandra – for, even in his promise to find out the truth about Lord Alderton’s character, the hope within him was that the gentleman would prove himself to be unworthy in some way. The more he spoke to people about the fellow, the more he began to fear that his hopes would be dashed. Thus far, Lord Alderton appeared to be a very suitable gentleman indeed. In time, he might come to care for Lady Cassandra and love her as she so desperately wanted to be loved.
But what if I have such a great depth of feeling for the lady myself?
Scowling to himself, Jonathan picked up his brandy and flung it down his throat before settling the glass back onto the table, with perhaps more force than was warranted. Sitting here, lost in thought, was not wise. The best thing for him to do at present would be to leave White’s and take himself back to his townhouse. At least there, he would be able to drink a little more and then retire to his bed in peace. He would find no peace here, should he linger.
Pushing himself out of his chair, he made his way to the door, ignoring Lord Knoxbridge’s cheery shout of farewell. Someone bumped hard against his shoulder, to the point that Jonathan fell back against the door frame but there was no time to spy who had done so, for someone else was following him closely, as was a third gentleman, and Jonathan had no wish to block the doorway. There were angry voices but rather than turn to find out who had bumped into him, Jonathan shrugged, pushed the annoyance aside, and turned to make his way out of the building.
The street was gloomy, the moon hidden behind thick clouds. For a summer’s night, it was very dark indeed. There were one or two lanterns, giving just enough light to make out his carriage waiting for him. Jonathan stumbled towards it, only then realizing that he had drunk a little more than he had estimated. Putting out one hand, he ignored the offer of help from his footman and instead, awkwardly climbed up. Putting one hand on the strap, he hauled himself inside and practically fell into the squabs. Closing his eyes, he rolled his head back, slumping there with his mind still filled with thoughts of Lady Cassandra. He had hoped that the brandy might push her away from his present thinking but thus far, it had not. Her image was still there – a little fuzzy around the edges, but there, nonetheless. He could see her smile; the way that her eyes sparkled when she laughed at something he had said. Was he forever destined simply to be her aid, her support? He desired more, Jonathan admitted, as the carriage began to trundle away, he desired a great deal more - but even that thought was a heavy one. Had he not told himself and his mother only a sennight ago that he had no desire to further his acquaintance with any young lady? He had stated that his mother ought to forget the idea of his marriage. Was he now thinking of such a connection when it came to Lady Cassandra? For whatever reason, thinking of her seemed to make it a distinct possibility – but Jonathan did not want to be connected to a lady in that way… did he?
