Tara said nothing as they made their way to the ball. The strange sensations she had felt with Lord Pottinger upon first seeing him had slowly faded as she had come to terms with the fact that the man whom she thought handsome, the man she was drawn to, was the very same man she had seen that dreadful night. What she had seen of him - the astonishment in his face, the pain flickering in his blue eyes, and the tightness of his jaw - had not left her since they had spoken together. Had there been even the smallest hint of feeling on his part for her? Did that make her behavior towards him all the worse? The carriage rocked her gently back and forth, as if seeking to comfort her. Keeping her eyes closed, Tara silently prayed that she would be able to endure this evening without any great difficulty. She would be there for her sister, and nothing more, and would be more than relieved to return home once the evening had been brought to an end. The less she could be in society at present, the better.
“Now do take care of your sister.”
Their father patted Tara’s arm gently, although his eyes were already fixed on the door of the house, and a smile was beginning to curve his lips, as though he already knew what distractions were waiting for him inside.
“Yes, Father, I shall,” Tara replied obediently, before following him into the house.
They dutifully greeted their host before making their way into the ballroom, where their father immediately took his leave of them. Tara let out a long sigh, her shoulders dropping as she looked around the room. There were a good many guests here this evening. Perhaps she would be able to fade into the background as she usually did, while Mary, of course, would be encouraged to dance with as many gentlemen as she could, and to garner as much enjoyment from the evening as possible. But for Tara, there could be no delight at present.
“Miss Shaw.” A hand grasped hers, and Tara let out a gasp of astonishment as she was pulled back toward the edge of the ballroom, whirling around to look up into the face of a gentleman. His other hand went around her waist, and for a moment Tara was afraid that something dreadful was about to take place, only for her to be drawn immediately into a warm embrace as they stood in the shadows. “I am so very sorry.”
Fear rebounded back into her chest, and she made to pull away, only to hear her sister exclaim Lord Pottinger’s name. Her heart quickened all the more as weakness loosened all of the fearful tension and she found herself leaning against his shoulder, quite unable to do anything more than that. She ought to pull away, she ought to step back from him, for fear of being seen, but since they were already standing in the shadows, and given that the ball was such a big crush, she did not think anything untoward would occur.
Nor did she care.
But why was he holding her so? It was most unlike any gentleman of thetonto behave in such a fashion. And what was his apology for?
“You have been through such a great ordeal.” Lord Pottinger finally broke their embrace although his hands slid down her arms to catch her fingers with his. Deep blue eyes flew to hers as he leaned forward, his voice low. “My reaction to you was utterly despicable and must have injured you even more. I am sorry for it. I ought to be joining you, supporting you in dealing with this, rather than blaming you for what has taken place, when you are as much a victim of this gentleman’s schemes as I.”
His eyes continued to search her face, and Tara felt as though he could already read all of the thoughts which were present in her mind. Her breathing was ragged and for some reason, she could not look away from him. Part of her wanted to give herself a solid shake so that she could be sure that what was happening was real, whilst the other part simply wanted to remain like this for as long as she could. Fire was slowly drawing up her arms as Lord Pottinger’s hands tightened and the gentle expression on his face threatened to cause her to break down completely, overwhelmed suddenly by the kindness and understanding he offered her.
“It is not you who ought to be apologizing. It is I.”
“No, my dear lady, no.” Lord Pottinger shook his head firmly and took a step closer to her. His nearness added fresh fuel to the fire already burning in the pit of her stomach, sending flames licking up into her chest. “I reacted poorly, and practically threw you from my house!”
Tara swallowed again, unwilling to simply accept his apology without taking on some of the responsibility.
“But you had every reason to, I am sure. It must have come as a great shock to you, and I more than understand that you required time to think about what I had revealed to you. I assure you, I bear you no ill will.”
Lord Pottinger lowered his head, his blue eyes flashing as his jaw tightened.
“You are so willing to take some of the responsibility, Miss Shaw, but there is no need for you to do so. Your kindness is appreciated, but I am well aware of my fault in this. I should have been grateful for what you had revealed to me and instead, I found myself blaming you for what had taken place. The time I have had to think on it has revealed a great deal to me – and I see now that you are as wounded in all of this as I, for you were forced into behaving so to protect your sister. Understand that I lay no blame at your feet whatsoever.”
Tara blinked furiously, tears beginning to pool in the corners of her eyes as her gaze slid away. Was he truly so generous of spirit?
“But I have lost you your entire fortune,” she mumbled, wishing that she could dash the tears from her eyes, but at the same time wanting to hold onto Lord Pottinger for just as little longer. The strength in his grip bolstered her courage even more and she lifted her chin to look directly up into his eyes. “I am truly sorry for the part I played in this. My sister is very dear to me. I had to protect her, even at your expense.”
“I understand completely, and I certainly do not hold it against you,” came the soft reply. “I can only apologize for my lack of consideration. It must have made you feel–”
“Pray do not apologize for that,” she replied quickly. “Your reaction was not unwarranted. It must have come as a great shock to hear that I, who have been close to you in society for a few weeks, am involved in this particular affair.”
“Yes, I will admit that it was something of a shock,” he replied, smiling a little wryly. “But I am very grateful to you for your honesty and for your courage in coming to speak with me. I am sure that, together, we will be able to find a way forward… that is, if you are willing to help me?”
Her eyes went wide.
“What is it that you intend to do?”
“I intend to find the person responsible.” Lord Pottinger’s eyes grew dark as he frowned, although his anger was not directed at her, she realized. “I do not know if it will be possible for me to do such a thing, but that is my intention at least. Sadly, the vowel they had me sign provides no true clues, for it requires that I provide the payment by means of a solicitor’s firm, and I am quite certain that such a firm would never break a client’s trust. But perhaps if we work together, we will be able to find a way to discover the man responsible so that we will be able to lay the blame at his feet. I am not suggesting that I will be able to regain everything, as my friends have done, but more to state that IhopeI will be able to do so. In short, I also desire him to face the consequences of his actions. It may be that you are not the first young women whom he has treated in this way, and I certainly wish to prevent him from doing the same to any others!”
A sense of urgency filled Tara.
“Then yes, I eagerly desire to help you in any way that I can. Given what I have done, it is the least I can do now.”
Lord Pottinger smiled.
“Recall that I do not blame you for this action, Miss Shaw. I do not blame you for any of it. My only hope is that we might be of assistance to each other, so that satisfaction can be gained for all.” It was as if he had opened the door for her, and let her see the light for the first time in many a dark day. Tara looked up at him, her throat constricting as she struggled to find the words to express all that she felt at that moment. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes briefly, but Lord Pottinger seemed to already know what it was that she was trying to express. “You have suffered in this a great deal, I think,” he said softly. “No longer shall it be so. You will not be alone, nor shall you continue to bear that burden of guilt that you have tied to your shoulders for so long. You are quite free, Miss Shaw. Do not allow any guilt to unsettle you any further.”
Before she could react, Tara found herself once more pulled into Lord Pottinger’s embrace. It was a most extraordinary behavior, for no gentleman had ever treated her with such consideration before, and she knew that it was not something she ought to accept, given the circumstances. But regardless, she let herself be swept up into his arms, finding such comfort in his actions that it was as though this was what she had always needed, to recover a little of her happiness. Her eyes closed and she breathed him in, taking in a gentle scent of cinnamon and spice. The gentleman she had been avoiding for so long was suddenly the only one she wanted to be close to. And it was only the gentle clearing of her sister’s throat that forced her back from him.
