“At me?” Sara lifted her eyebrows. “Why should you be so with me?”
“Because you are always questioning, always looking and wondering, except in this situation, you now seem to have decided that it is no longer worth your while to be so. You are refusing to allow your curiosity to take hold of you once more, even when I can tell that it battles within you still.” Miss Cartwright smiled quietly, tilting her head a little more to the left. “Or is it because you are struggling with your feelings that you have decided to leave Lord Stoneleigh alone?”
Opening her mouth to give a defensive response, Sara quickly snapped it shut, for her friend was quite correct. She hadnotpermitted her curiosity to make its way back towards Lord Stoneleigh and his situation. She had held herself back, telling herself that it was quite useless for, if a gentleman had no fortune, then there could be no future. Why, then, was she not pursuing the matter? If she cared about Lord Stoneleigh in any way, why was she not seeking out the truth from him? Why was she not desperate in her attempts to find out why a gentleman without fortune was here in London?
“I ought not to be encouraging you, I know. However, I dislike seeing you so disheartened.” Her friend smiled, then shrugged. “I know you have not told me everything that you have done as regards Lord Stoneleigh, but you have still been eager in your attempts to know more about him, have you not?”
Recalling the way that she had made her way to the East End of London, following Lord Stoneleigh, Sara only shook her head, keeping her gaze far away from her friend. It was not that she shook her head out of guilt, but more from the fact that she could not say what it was that she had done, for fear of bringing mortification upon herself.
“If you care about Lord Stoneleigh, then I beg you not to allow your curiosity to fade away. To have any sort of affection for a gentleman is a great and beautiful thing, whether it is returned or not. But if it is returned - as I believe it is with you, then it is not something which you should turn away from easily. I am well aware that I have dissuaded you from your curiosity these last few months, but perhaps now I should do the opposite and encourage you to seek out the truth. If there is to be any hope for yourself and Lord Stoneleigh, then I beg of you to discover it. Try to find the truth, my dear friend. It is the only thing that will bring you any comfort.”
Sara nodded a little, surprised to find her throat tight and tears burning in her eyes.
“I did not realize that I felt so very much for him,” her voice was a mere whisper as she spoke. “It is most astonishing to me.”
“Sometimes it is only in losing what we have been hoping for that we realize just how much we truly feel,” Miss Cartwright replied in a way that suggested that she had once found herself in much the same situation. “You will never be contented if you step away from him now. You will spend your days thereafter wondering what the truth was, and whether or not you did the right thing in leaving things as they stood, rather than pursuing further.”
Sara laughed softly, her eyes brimming.
“Yes, you are quite right. That ispreciselyhow I would feel. I would regret doing nothing.”
“Then do not permit yourself to do nothing,” came the quick response. “Determine that you will seek out the truth from Lord Stoneleigh, one way or the other. Given that there is a little hope of a happy future together with him, then would you not be wise to do all you can to pursue it? Even ifhebelieves that there is no hope?”
Sara nodded, sniffing delicately, before pulling out a small handkerchief to dab at her eyes.
“Yes, I believe that you are correct.”
Miss Cartwright’s eyes glowed with a sudden happiness which Sara felt burning in the depths of her soul also.
“Then what is it you intend to do, my friend? I will be with you every step of the way if you wish it.”
“I am certain that I shall require your help, if not your encouragement,” Sara answered, her tears beginning to fade away. “The first thing I believe I must do is to speak with Lord Stoneleigh again.” Sitting up a little straighter in her seat, she smiled at her friend. “He must know that I am unwilling to give up on our situation, that I have no intention of simply allowing his lack of fortune to be of any difficulty to us… unless of course, I discover that he has lost his fortune through less than scrupulous means.”
“Of course,” Miss Cartwright agreed. “Do you know when you will see him again?”
Sara shook her head.
“No, I do not.” A tight fear curled around her chest. “What if he has already left London, or if in speaking to me, he has decided to-?”
Miss Cartwright held one hand towards her, palm out.
“It has only been a day,” she interrupted calmly. “I am certain he has not left London as yet. You will find him soon, I am sure.”
A fierce burning desire to get up from her chair and leave the house almost immediately, in search of Lord Stoneleigh in town, rose up with such fury that it was all Sara could do to remain seated.
“What engagement have you this evening?” Miss Cartwright asked as Sara battled against the urge to remove herself from the house. “I am to go to Lord Donaldson’s soiree.”
“We are to dine with Lord and Lady Symonds. I do not know who else will be present.”
“Perhaps fate will smile upon you, and he will be seated next to you this evening,” Miss Cartwright smiled as Sara shook her head, letting out a slightly broken laugh. “Come now, my dear, have a little more hope.”
Sighing softly, Sarah tried to smile.
“If fate should be kind and offer me Lord Stoneleigh as a companion to my dinner this evening, then I should be most grateful,” she replied a little quietly. “Alas, I do not believe it will be so. The chances of it are much too slim.”
“You will see him again soon enough,” Miss Cartwright said firmly. “Do not fear, I am sure that everything will make itself quite right again very soon.”
* * *
