“The waltz, Lady Sara.”
Bowing low, he smiled as he lifted his head, waiting for her expectantly. Accepting his arm, and all too aware of the blood that roared in her ears as she did so, Sara frowned to herself as they walked out together.
She could not understand it. Her interest in him was more than she had ever experienced before, and given that she had struggled to keep her thoughts on anything else, what Miss Cartwright had said might well be true. Was this the beginning of a genuine and possibly prolonged affection for Lord Stoneleigh? She would not even allow herself to imagine what such an interest might lead to, although she would never dare confess it to him unless he said something to her first.
What if he should ask to court me?
Giving herself a slight shake, Sara quietly silenced her thoughts, telling herself not to be ridiculous. Lord Stoneleigh had never even come to call upon her, and it was she who had requested the waltz rather than him. These strange feelings were doing nothing but unsettling her.
The music began and Sara found herself immediately whisked away by Lord Stoneleigh. There did not appear to be any weakness in his arm this time and she realized quickly that he had not made mention of it. Perhaps he expected that she already knew of it and therefore would not need to address the matter again. The closeness of him made her breath twist about within her, spiraling furiously as he held her close. She had promised that she would not be a poor conversationalist this time, but even if he had spoken to her now, Sara did not think she would have been able to comprehend what he said.
His breath rushed across her cheek and turning her head just a little, Sara looked up into his face. That, she realized immediately, had been a mistake, for as she looked into his eyes, she lost herself completely. A myriad of sensations rushed through her as flickering candlelight reflected in those dark brown eyes caught her gaze. She could look nowhere else but up into his face, her hand grasping at his shoulder, holding on tightly, as if she feared she would fall into nothingness if he released her. Furious sensations burned, dousing her in the fire she had never expected. Was this what Miss Cartwright had spoken of? Was this when interest became something more?
“Lady Sara.”
To her astonishment, she realized that the dance had come to an end. Lord Stoneleigh’s voice was quiet as he set her back carefully, his hands lingering on her arms, sliding gently down towards her fingers before he caught her hands with his. The music had stopped, but they looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment - only for Lord Stoneleigh to shake his head. Dropping her hands, he fell into a bow, which she quickly returned with a curtsey, astonished at how off balance she felt.
“This cannot be.”
Sara only blinked, uncertain as to what he meant.
“There can only be friendship between us, Lady Sara. I cannot allow myself to feel anything more for you and you certainly cannot permit yourself to feel anything more for me, if that is what is currently within your heart.”
“Lord Stoneleigh I…”
As she attempted to find words, Sara’s lips closed, and her eyes went to his. Everything she felt must have been evident in her expression, but it seemed that Lord Stoneleigh was not about to allow her to cling to those feelings.
“You cannot, Lady Sara.Wecannot.”
“I do not understand. Is there something wrong, Lord Stoneleigh?” The words flew from her mouth towards him. “Have I displeased you so much that you would step away from my company, rather than draw closer?” Her breath rattled out of her chest. “That is, if that is what we both admit at this very moment to be what we each desire.”
If he was to be blunt, then she would be the same. Lord Stoneleigh squeezed his eyes closed, his expression tight, his face a little pale.
“I must take my leave of you, Lady Sara.” Turning, he offered her his arm and she took it without thinking. Together, they began to walk to the side of the ballroom, but all Sara could hear was her heart, and all she could see was Lord Stoneleigh. Her head remained turned towards his, her eyes searching his face as she begged silently for understanding. “Pray understand this.” Once they had reached the crowd, near her mother, and also Miss Cartwright, he released her arm but turned to face her, his expression grave. “We must only ever be acquaintances. I will not pretend that I have not felt something a little… unusual… this evening, but I must ignore that completely. I cannot allow it to enter my heart. If you have any similar feelings, Lady Sara, then I beg you to remove them from yourself as best you can. I am not worthy of your attentions.”
Her mouth fell open, but Lord Stoneleigh only shook his head and looked away.
“Unworthy?” she repeated, her voice a broken whisper. “Whatever do you mean, Lord Stoneleigh? There is nothing about your behavior that I have ever considered inappropriate, and there are no rumors or whispers about your character.”
“All the same, I cannot be anything to you.” Turning his head, he looked straight into her eyes, his hand reaching out to squeeze her fingers for a single moment. “Forgive me, Lady Sara.”
She grasped tightly at his hand, refusing to let him step back.
“What do you mean by all this, Lord Stoneleigh? You cannot simply say such things and then release me, expecting me to return to my friends as though nothing has passed between us! You speak of what you feel, so I shall do the same.” Drawing in a great breath, she twined her fingers with his. “I will admit to you that I feel something akin to what you describe, even though I am greatly confused about what it might be, and why it has taken hold of me. But that does not mean I wish to forget it, as you so firmly demand.”
“And yet, forget it, you must.”
He tried to pull his fingers away, but she held on all the tighter.
“Why?” Her voice became a little louder and she took a step closer, catching the way his breath hitched as she drew nearer to him. “Why must I do so? What is it about you that you cannot permit me any closeness?”
Lord Stoneleigh took a deep breath, holding her gaze. Setting his shoulders, his jaw worked for a moment before finally, he let go of her hand.
“It is because I have no wealth to speak of,” he told her, as shock ran like ice from the top of her head to the very tips of her feet. “Regardless of how such a situation has come about, I have very little coin and can never offer you the life of comfort that a lady such as you deserves. That is why I beg of you to remove your feelings, just as I shall remove mine. I can offer you nothing, Lady Sara. Nothing at all.” Taking a step back, he dropped his gaze and began to turn away. “Goodbye.”
Chapter Eight
“Stoneleigh. I did not expect to see you here.”
