“Must’ve been hard for her.”
Although she had never really been a smoker, Thelma would have killed for one right now while drinking her tea in this shrine to a grown woman’s childhood memories.
“It was hard for me, too, you know.”
Unspoken words danced on Gretchen’s lips. She leaned forward, arms encircling her tea as her hands came together atop the dining table. Thelma wondered if she had said too much—if she had confused Gretchen, who rang some bells in Thelma’s head, but she could never be too sure.I usually know.Sandy once said that her friend could spot a Tommy before she saw herown reflection in the mirror.It’s true. I have a type.Sandy had been more like Gretchen when they were in school. Back then, it was easier for tomboyish women like her to wear male clothing and style without getting too much flak from their fellow students. Once Thelma married and Sandy graduated, however, the latter had gravitated toward popular style trends for women that would help her blend in more easily. She would never give up the hair and pants, but she would wear the feminine makeup if it kept her looking “of the times” and out of crosshairs.
Besides, Gretchen knew about Megan’s girlfriend. That counted for something, right?
“What was hard for you?”
That tender tenor in Gretchen’s voice hit Thelma in a place that hadn’t been touched in weeks.Months, really.Not even Sandy had penetrated that vulnerable part of her in a long time.
“Oh, honey…” Thelma couldn’t help it as she searched her own soul for an answer. “What hasn’t been hard? I’ve been living a lie my whole life.”
At least it felt good to get that out. Thelma had spent most of her existence questioning a silent authority that bore the weight of a familiar oppression upon her. No, she wouldn’t say it was the life she willingly entered with Bill, although Megan had implied that a time or two. Instead, the young woman who had gone by Thelma Erickson had desperately wanted something that she didn’t even know would be possible one day.
All of that… but with another woman.
“Did any of them tell you about my husband?”
That was a pale depression on Gretchen’s face. “N… no. You…” Gretchen blinked, hard, a hand chopping against her table. “You have ahusband?”
“Had. He passed away a while ago.”
“I see…”
“We had two children together. A boy and a girl.”
“Oh, my God. Where are they?”
“Well…” Thelma had to be careful. As much as she wanted to dump everything she had been through, the sum of all her truth on Gretchen… it wasn’t safe. Not just for Gretchen, but for Thelma, who could get in big trouble with the FBI.Besides, she wouldn’t believe me.For the best. “My daughter Debbie…” When Gretchen choked on her tea, Thelma claimed to have named her daughter after her birth mother. “She got really sick. She’s not around anymore.”
“Holy shit. You’ve got a dead kid?” Gretchen waved her hands before her face, as if that erased what she had just said. “Sorry! So sorry! I didn’t mean…!”
“It’s okay.”
Thelma took one of those hands and brought it down to the table. Once she realized what she had done, both she and Gretchen stared at their hands as if they were as natural as two friends sharing something as deep as the pain they inevitably shared.
It was Thelma who untangled their hands first. But she didn’t apologize.
“I have a son.”
Gretchen regathered her bearings. “How old?”
Thelma said what was true in her mother’s heart. “Eight. The last I saw him, he was ill.”
Her host did the math. “You had him when you were twenty?”
Thelma nodded. “I dropped out of college to get married. It was what girls did in my community. You basically went to college to have something to do while looking for a husband. I found one. William.” She hoped Gretchen didn’t know about “Bill.” Heck, she counted on it.
“That’s wild. I only hear about that in cults, to be fair.”
Laughing, Thelma crossed one leg over the other as she leaned back in her chair. “It’s a place stuck in a different time.”
“Where’s your son now?”
“He’s, um…”Well, he’s out with the boys, whoever they are.Hooting, hollering, and drinking, probably.If he’s anything like his father.“He’s with family. It was best for all of us that I leave him behind with people who could take care of him. Actually, didn’t really have a choice. After his father died… I mean… it’s really complicated. I probably shouldn’t have even said this much.”
