“What does that mean?”
“It means a bunch of bullshit. Which both sexuality and astrology are.” Jess packed up her belongings, including the astrology books and a deck of tarot cards. “Sometimes you fall in love with a man. Sometimes it’s a woman. Whatever. Sometimes you call yourself a lesbian, and sometimes you’re a bisexual. Either way, you’re probably an asshole, like everyone else.”
Where had this sudden animosity come from? Or was it always there? Shannon didn’t have a lot of time to ask, since the barista brought over her drink and walked away without a single word. The interruption had been enough to kill the momentum between Shannon and Jess.
“Sorry,” Shannon said. “If I said something to offend you.”
Sighing, Jess slowed her urgent motions and held the last of her books close to her chest. “Sorry. Rubbed me the wrong way, I guess.”
“Guess so.”
Jess looked as if she would rather bail on this awkward situation than swallow her pride. Shannon wouldn’t blame her.How many times have I insulted her, whether I meant to or not?
She hadn’t wanted to repeat any of this!I was stupid, thinking anything else could possibly happen.Because that’s what happened when Shannon decided to go after someone, anyone. When she wasn’t resting on her laurels and letting a long line of lovers cross her path, she was botching her own personal pursuits. Of the heart, that was.
Until that moment, she hadn’t realized that this was aboutherpursuits!
Shannon looked Jess in the blue eyes, dread overcoming her.
Because she suddenly wanted her, Jess had to be pushed away? Because Shannon might finally find peace in her love life, she had to botch it? What happened the last time she pursued someone of her own volition?The sugar daddy. A quick thrill. A quicker buck. A way to continue down my path of self-destruction after breaking up with Nick.She had pursued the man, but he was the one to make sure she felt good and used when it was over.
No wonder she didn’t like anything that rocked her perceptions of a deadly world. Every time reality shifted, she ended up hurt. When Jess pursued her eight years ago, she fought back until they both lost the best memories of their college years. Now, when she decided to pursue Jess… this?
That wasn’t the look of a woman who still pined for her. That was a woman who wouldn’t cry to never see her again.
“You don’t need to go. I’ll go.” Shannon stood up, drink in hand. “You’re the one who has things to do here. I don’t want to infringe.”
“I’m done for tonight. See you around, Shan.”
Once upon a time, Shannon would have let her go. She would have seen Jess off with a wave of indifference and a promise to say hello again.
Not now. Not when she was so close to figuring out the mysteries of the universe.
“Wait, Jess.”
She stopped halfway through the small alcove. A couple sitting at a nearby table glanced at them, but kept their opinions to themselves. Jess’s bag slipped off her shoulder.
“I’m really sorry. For everything.”
The ball was back in Jess’s court. She decided to take it and head home.
