Shannon was not a religious or spiritual person, but she always felt a certain connection to the stars. They were brighter in Oregon – bigger, too, although that could’ve been the great distance in latitudes between Portland and SoCal – and when the clouds moved their asses, Shannon felt like she was transported to a cosmic place where only she was allowed. Crisp, fresh air and the rustling of evergreen trees gave her added delight she couldn’t get back home.
Big dipper. Little dipper. Orion, Cassiopeia…Shannon had taken astronomy in college to fulfill her science requirement. A deliberate decision to allow her some meditative peace of mind.
Her campus boasted a small grove of trees that were perfect for separating oneself from city life and indulging in some stargazing. Her astronomy professor commended how willing she was to press her eye against a telescope and jot down the designs of stars, some of which had yet to be named. She harbored dreams of buying a name for one of those stars. A romantic wedding present, should the opportunity ever arise.
She used to think about buying a star for Nick. Then Andrew. Would she ever get the chance?
Those stars were tainted now. Not dirty, but simplytainted.Because she couldn’t gaze at them without thinking of Jess and her astrology books and charts.
“Astrology is something else…”her professor had mused almost a decade ago.“You might think that because I am a scientist of the stars that I want nothing to do with astrology. I admit, there isn’t much scientific about it, but it’s interesting, nonetheless. I don’t want to discount that there might be untold powers beyond our atmosphere. Look at them. Do you see the raw power in those stars? They burn with seemingly endless energy until their inevitable ends. Who is to say that their energy doesn’t affect us in some way? Maybe not like the astrologists say, but I will not be the first person to say it’s impossible.”
Shannon didn’t believe in astrology, like she didn’t believe in the divinity of a man named Jesus. She didn’t need to, when most of her life made perfect sense without the aid of metaphysics. She felt a certain way because of brain chemistry and biological functions. Hormones, endorphins, raw, materialistic urges… they needed no further explanations. Why did she need stars to tell her what she already knew?
Being born on February 10thmeant she was an Aquarius, but beside that song in that one musical, she didn’t need to know anything beyond that.
So why did she wear that necklace Jess gave her? More than one barista had commented on it, each one smugly proclaiming that they knew what it was before Shannon said a word.How do so many people know about this? Am I always that out of the loop?
Or did she simply want to think about Jess whenever she saw her necklace in a mirror?
Unfinished business remained. Because of her own foolish reasons that manifested when she was younger and dumber, Shannon had never given that encounter any closure. Besides, she saw the look on Jess’s face the first time they bumped into each other in Portland. That wasn’t the look of someone seeing an old, long-ago flame. That was the countenance of a woman who had seen a ghost.
Me. I’m a ghost of her past.
She looked up at the sky again. The first star of the night appeared before her very eyes.
Power emanated from the expanse of the universe. Did the people who conjured the world’s first religions feel this same power when they met their gods and goddesses? Was this the sensation of spirituality others in the modern age insisted on existing, even in the cement streets of metropolises?
Shannon would always be a healthy skeptic, but she was also weak to influence when her heart was empty and desperate to believe in the connections between human beings once more.
She wondered if that old email of Jess’s still worked.
