“For?”
He looked at me then, and I saw genuine, heartfelt emotion. “For asking. And for not prying too far when you did. Kinda makes me think you might like me more than you let on.”
“Psh…” I averted my eyes just in time to see Malibu Barbie bite it. Anticlimactic. Boring. She tripped, of course. He put a machete through her back and got stabby.
“Booooo…” Malek tossed a handful of popcorn at the TV, and I chuckled. The killer flipped her corpse over and stabbed her again, this time pulling back an implant on the end of his blade. We both burst out laughing. “Well, that was unexpected.”
“Told you they weren’t real,” I laughed.
“Yours are.”
I shot my head at him, but he continued to watch the screen. “What makes you so sure? And you better not say because you’ve seen them already…‘cause I’ve yet to let you.” Malek shrugged, popping another kernel into his mouth.
“I know boobs. I don’t have to see ‘em bare to know if they’re natural. The good Lord took his time on you, pet. That’s for damn sure.”
“On that note,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes and easing off the air mattress. “I’m gonna go to bed. I have it on good authority that there’s a chainsaw involved somewhere in this movie. If you rub one out to the pointy things…could you at least do me the courtesy of gettingoutof my coffin?”
He leaned his head back as I made for my bedroom door, practically looking at me upside down. “Where should I go exactly?” Every one of his teeth showed with that grin.
“Goodnight, Dexter.”
“Night, Wednesday Addams.”
Something smells good.
Like,reallygood.
Like oak, and coconut…maybe a hint of leather? I’d say it was making my mouth water, but I’m pretty sure my face is already laying in a puddle of drool, anyway. Whatisit? I cracked an eye open, and—
“BLAAAGGGGHHHHHH!”
I just started swinging, the heel of my palm hurts ridiculously, and I’m not sure which one of us is screaming louder, but now I’m standing on top of my covers, confused at how fast my Louisville Slugger got into my hands, and there’s somebody on the floor of my bedroom groaning.
“Naofa fecking cac!I think you just brokeme’nose!”
“Malek?!”I dropped the bat onto my mattress and sprinted to the bedroom door, flipping the light on to see him holding said nose on the floor next to my bed. “Jesus! Are you okay? What the hell are youdoing?!”
He sat up, eyes tearing, and pulled his hands away to check for blood. There was a bit, but it wasn’t terrible. “Was that yourfist?”
“Well, yeah! Was that yourfacean inch away from mine, in the dark, when I’m trying to sleep?!”
He smiled at me from the floor, wiping the blood on the back of his hand and sniffling. Bridget burst into the door witha metal frying pan raised. “Who’s gettin’ it! Where they at?!” I don’t know if it was the adrenaline, the terror, or the delirium that set us both off, but Malek and I burst out laughing. The frying pan slowly lowered, and Bridget rolled her eyes, huffing and cursing her way back into the living room.
“Damn, you got a right hook, Viper. And here I thought you couldn’t get much sexier.”
I reached a hand out to help him up off the floor. “What the hell were you doing, Malek? If you’re trying the wooing thing you mentioned? There were about a thousand other ways that could have fucking gone. MyGod.”
“I’ll need a detailed list of all—”
“Uggghhhh!”
He snickered, and pulled a burner phone out of his pocket, handing it to me before turning to go nurse his nose in the bathroom. It’s mine.The cleaner line.
“I heard buzzing and for a second, I thought I was gonna have to come in here and show you exactly what I meant about that naughty drawer. But sadly, it was just this damn thing.”
I looked at the time when I flipped it open. It’s two in the morning. One body. The crime rate around here must be insanely misunderstood. I’veneverhad this many calls to clean in a month. I was about to politely decline, but…the payout for this is a couple of uncut diamonds? Holy shit. What a sweetener.
“I’ve got a cleanup.”
