Killing for a salary had gifted me a comfortable life, but it had also thrust consequences in my path, as though each soul I’d taken had ebbed away a little more of my own.
Her brow rose.“Well, that’s something at least, I suppose.”
“Men like Hawkins…” I was reticent to mention the fucker again.His name would forever be associated with the sinking feeling in my chest and the knowledge that not only had I lost Baron, but in the process, I’d turned the woman I was in love with into a killer.“Those are the sorts of people I used to work with.”
“‘Man’ is a rather strong noun forHawkins.”She spat out his name, her voice wavering as she presumably tried to reconcile her heinous experience with his ultimate fate.
“I agree.”Stretching my neck, I tried not to focus on the pulsing throb in my shoulder.Whatever her view of me in the light of the truth, I’d need to find a medic sooner rather than later.The last thing I needed was an infection.“I just hope you don’t feel the same way about me, that’s all.”
My tone was intentionally light-hearted, and pausing, I waited to see if she’d laugh at my quip.The quiet that met my ears was almost deafening.
“You’re nothing like Hawkins.”
“I hope not, little girl, because I need you.”Fresh anxiety bloomed in my solar plexus as I edged closer to the other confession I wanted to relay.She already knew the murkiest part of my past.I figured I might as well tell her everything.
“For sex, you mean?”She shook her head.“Because after everything you’ve just told me, I don’t know how I feel about us being intimate, Eli.”
“No, not sex.”My heart hammered faster as I edged closer to my revelation.Even when I’d worked in the field and my life had been in danger, I’d been calmer and more in control than that moment.Staring at the never-ending road ahead, I realized she held all the cards.I might have enjoyed authority at the cabin—and Ihadenjoyed it—but suddenly, she was the one with all the power.“Something else.”
My foot eased off the gas, my gaze darting to check how many miles we’d successfully managed to put between us and the place we’d been held.I wouldn’t truly be happy until that number was in the hundreds, but for the time being, the imminent peril appeared to be over.
“What else?”She fidgeted in her seat.“Why are we stopping?”
“Because I need to talk to you properly.”I wanted to look into her eyes when I disclosed my weaknesses.Needed her strength as I cast myself open for ridicule.“I can’t do that when I’m driving.”
“You don’t look well.”Her brow furrowed.“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?You have been shot, remember?”
How could I forget?
“This is just important to me, that’s all.”Pulling over to the side of the road, I yanked on the brake, ignoring the fresh shoot of agony, before I shifted in her direction.
“More important than killing people?”
Her tone was wry, and on another day, I’d have considered spanking that look from her face, but Erin had me on the back foot and we both knew it.Revealing the truth had handed her the perfect get-out of our burgeoning relationship.She might have slain Hawkins in self-defense, but there was no justification for the things I’d been paid to do.There was no comparison between the two.
“Please listen to me.”Ignoring her retort, I concentrated on how to relay the things I’d seen, but there was no easy way to explain that I’d been witnessing my demons in the shadows.“I’ve been experiencing things since I did that job… bad things.Things that have plagued me.”
Changed me.
“What things?”Recoiling, she pressed herself against the car door, but her attention remained on me.
“Images?”I shrugged.“I don’t know.Memories, I guess.I see them as black shapes out of the corner of my eyes, and they won’t leave me alone…”
Pausing, I pushed out the crux of the craziness.“I think they represent the people I’ve killed…”
It sounded insane, confessing it out loud, but it was true.I just hoped she believed me.
“Youseethings?”The furrow in her brow deepened.
“Yes.”
“Like… gh-ghosts?”
“If you like.”It was a stupid response.She wouldn’tlike.No one could ‘like’ the things I saw.“But meeting you, Erin, it’s changed things.”
That might have been the understatement of my lifetime.
“When you’re around me, I don’t see those things anymore.”I realized I was smiling as I went on.“It’s like you’ve shone light into those incredibly dark places.You’ve frightened my demons away.”
