No matter how much I wanted him, men with his designation weren’t meant for women like me.
CHAPTER 25
AVRIL
I feltlike my heart was going to burst into a million pieces. It was like a pressure was sitting on my chest, and the weight of what I had to do was going to crush me.
I couldn’t do this. I had to do this.
The words of my bitchy sister echoed through my mind on repeat,if you want to get married, and this guy doesn’t want to marry you… then the two of you aren’t compatible. You just want different things.
I was rapidly falling in love with David—it wasn’t even because he had a beautiful face and I enjoyed looking at him—David was respectful and sweet to me. I’d never laughed so much in my entire life as I had with him. The way he was so possessive over me… the way that he touched me… David had carved himself bit by bit into my heart.
I don’t think that I’d ever wanted anyone more than I wanted him. I wanted David more than I’d wanted my ex… more than any celebrity crush, even on one of those movie star alphas, or the rockstar alpha packs and everything.
But my dream was to get married, and the fact remained that David was an alpha. I wasn’t an omega. I would never be anomega. I was never going to have the properly designated vagina that stretched magically to accommodate a knot.
I wanted David so much—that even if I had to… cancel the wedding—I would do it. To be with him, I would wait for him.
But what if he never wanted to marry me?
What if I was good enough to fuck right now, but only until some sweet little omega came along with her perfect floral scent?
What if I threw away the wedding of my dreams… just to be thrown away in turn?
My heart would never recover.
“David… we need to talk.”
Okay, so I might have picked the most awkward time in the history of ever to have this conversation. The two of us had just had some amazing sex, and we were laying under the covers of his very comfortable bed. Maybe I should have waited to at least get a shirt on or something… but it didn’t matter. This couldn’t wait.
The smile faded from his handsome face as David locked all of his attention on me.
I wanted to take the words back as soon as I’d said them. I wished that I’d never have to say what I had to say, that things didn’t have to be this way.
This wasn’t fair. This wasn’tfair!
Everything with David was so perfect, so why did it have to be wrong?
“Yeah, being with you… this has honestly been the best few weeks I’ve had in my life.” It was. I’d never had a more attentive partner. He was more than perfect. Everything from the dates to the sex—nothing had ever been better. I had never come so hard in my life. Ever. Not solo with the highest setting on my silicone toy. Certainly not with any other man.
“But I can’t keep seeing you.” I felt like my heart was breaking in my chest as I spoke the words. Hot tears prickled the corners of my eyes, threatening to flow. It was so hard for me to even get the words out, I was practically whispering. “I’ve got to find someone to marry.”
David ran his hands through his hair, swallowing nervously… when had heeverseemed nervous before? “What if I marry you?”
I shook my head.If only…If it were possible to actually marry him… it would be better than my wildest dreams. “But I’m a beta.”
David shrugged as if the biological facts of life didn’t mean anything. “Yeah… and you’re also literally the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in my life.”
I clenched my fists and squeezed my eyes shut as he told me the sweetest lies. That we could be together… when he was an alpha, and I wasnotan omega. Our designations were as compatible as tomato sauce and gravy. We fit together like legos and bare feet in the middle of the night. It was a really simple truth—as much as we were attracted to each other, we weren’t meant to be together.
“It doesn’t matter if I’m gorgeous. How could the two of us work? We’re not biologically made to be together. I’m not going to go into heat for you. I’m never going to be your scent match. My vagina isn’t designed to take a knot.”
Every word I’d been silently whispering to myself the whole time… on all our dates. There. Now I had gone and dragged them all out into the open. All of my insecurities were laid bare at his feet; I was handing David all the ammunition to shoot our relationship dead before it even had a chance.
“If you think that I’m going to change my mind about how I feel about you because of knots… because maybe my fuckingpenis can’t swell up inside you,” David shook his head slowly. “That’s fucking crazy.”
“It’s not crazy. Being a beta? It’s who I am, and it’s just the way it is.”
