“Perhaps we should keep this ruse up for a while longer,” she whispered, her eyes unable to drag themselves away from his tempting lips.
She could feel the immediate electricity in the air as soon as they had a moment of intimacy, and she never wanted it to end.
“It is almost the end of the Season, Alice. I cannot hold you hostage forever.” He chuckled. “You are free now. I believe you have an earl to marry.”
“I am not ready.”
“Not ready for what? Marriage?” He closed the distance between them, cupping her cheek with his palm. She leaned her head into his touch, feeling the warmth seep into her skin. “You will be a wonderful wife, Miss Snow.”
“I am not worried about that.” She smiled lightly. “I am not ready for this to end. For us to end.”
Rowan furrowed his brow, drawing his hand back. “You know that this was never a part of our deal.”
“There were plenty of things between us that were not part of the plan. What we have is real… Or have I lost my mind?” She stepped back slightly, trying to read him.
He looked confused, which worried her.
“Rowan, I love you.”
He averted his gaze, sending a shock of pain through her heart. “Alice, you cannot love me. You know I will never be able to reciprocate your feelings.”
“I know you are capable of love. Of happiness. I want you, Rowan, just as you are. We can work together. You said yourself that we make a good team.” Alice placed her hand ever so lightly over his on the cool stone railing. “Just let me in, Your Grace.”
“You want marriage, and I cannot give that to you.” He pulled his hand from under hers, stepping toward the doors. “I apologize, but that life is not for me. I will never let myself face a heartbreak that I can prevent.”
Why did he believe we would end up heartbroken? Have we not both proven to be loyal and kind? Have I not shown him how endlessly I care for him?
“Am I not worthy?” she finally said, anger beginning to bubble in her chest.
A harsh silence fell over the balcony, and the Duke ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. “I will not marry you, Alice.”
“Why not? Why will you not let yourself feel happiness? You are scared, Rowan. I feel so much grief that you had to go through what you did as a boy, but love is what this life is all about. Why will you not live? Your father would?—”
“Do not mention my father, Miss Snow. I am not discussing this further,” he snapped, not even looking at her as he turned away.
“Rowan, I?—”
She watched as he walked back inside, leaving her on the balcony as the chilly summer breeze began to swell, sending a shiver down her spine. She wrapped her arms around her middle, sinking to the ground, not even worried if her dress would get dirty.
He would not marry her, even after everything they had been through. She felt her eyes begin to sting, and then several tears finally let themselves fall on the blue skirt of the dress that Rowan had gifted her.
* * *
Rowan made his way to his carriage as quickly as possible, climbing inside and expelling the breath he had not realized he was holding. He pinched the bridge of his nose, overwhelmed by what just happened.
Why would she think that our deal would go any further than what was expressed in the beginning?
His mind immediately went to her body, to the moments they had shared in the theater, in his best friend’s castle. He sighed, running his fingers through his tangled hair. He knew that the heat of the moment took over, but he could not deny his attraction to her. But surely, he did not love her, and he could not marry her, right?
A sudden knock at the door of the carriage startled him, and he peered out to see Maxwell looking concerned.
“Your Grace, are you all right? Where is Miss Snow?” he said, opening the door.
“She is inside. We are no longer going to be looking for her, Maxwell. It is for the best,” Rowan said, though the conviction was not quite there. “Let us leave.”
“Your Grace…” Maxwell muttered, giving him an accusing look.
Rowan could not even make eye contact, moving to the far side of the carriage and looking out the window. He knew he was acting childishly, but he did not want to keep thinking about that look in her sparkling blue eyes, and the odd pain in his chest now.
