If I don’t come back, call the police love ya xx
The message flashed upon my screen, then disappeared.I must have read that wrong,I thought, laying my knife to one side and wiping my hands. I grabbed my phone and read it again.
The words didn’t change.
‘Is Maeve still at the bar?’ I called to Ellis, trying to keep the tremor from my voice.
The sous chef craned his neck, looking through the service window. ‘Can’t see her. Her chips are still there, though.’
‘What about Claire?’
He shifted, searching. ‘Nope. She might be back in the office.’
I chewed on my lip. ‘Can you take over? Maeve just sent me a weird message.’
Ellis glanced at the pile of order receipts and visibly repressed a sigh. ‘No problem, Anna.’
I untied my apron and hung it up before washing my hands properly. Bracing myself for the noise, I headed out to the bar.
Belle was there with two new staff, and they looked happy enough, despite the crowd. I stood on my toes and searched through the crush of patrons, but I couldn’t see Maeve anywhere.
‘You wereright here, Maeve,’ I muttered to myself. The bowl of chips I’d shoved at her was still mostly full, but her cranberry juice was finished; at least she’d gotten some vitamins in before sending anxiety-inducing text messages. I thought she would have known better; after Tessa’s disappearance, we were all raw, all on edge, and a message likethathad my stomach churning.
I unlocked my phone to call her, but before I could, another number popped up. I answered it immediately.
‘Viv? Is everything okay?’
‘Anna, honey?’ I put a hand to my ear, trying to block out the noise of the club so I could hear Vivien’s soft voice. ‘Anna, can you go somewhere quieter?’
‘One second, Viv.’
I steeled myself and pushed through the crowd.
I loved working at Advena, I really did, but I preferred to experience it from behind the safety of the kitchen wall. Though I liked people as a general rule, Advena was full of somanyof them, and they were drunk and loud and confident. I was small and quiet and shy, and I didn’t have Tessa’s self-assurance, or Maeve’s brazen confidence, or Claire’s sense of mysterious calm. Instead, I had a tongue that got tied up with nerves, and the general air of a frightened deer about to bolt towards a set of moving headlights.
You need to find your courage, girl, my grandmother had always said. Sometimes she’d say it emphatically, and sometimes sadly.
I never had a response, either way. It was easy for people to think that what you showed on the outside was all there was. I knew that the way I looked didn’t help matters: too pale, too delicate, toobreakable. A doll just waiting for someone else to move her arms and legs into position, to tilt her head, to choose which dress she wore.
Never mind that I ran my own kitchen. Never mind that I could lift industrial bags of flour and handle a knife with my eyes closed. The outside of me always seemed to eclipse anything I worked for, anything Iearned.
Dolls just sat there, after all, waiting for someone else to play with them.
Claire was at the club’s doors, chatting with the bouncers. She must have dyed her hair earlier that day; the tips of her dark brown tresses were a bright, vibrant pink. There was a long line of patrons standing down the street, waiting to get in; I didn’t like their chances.
Did you see where Maeve went?I mouthed at Claire.
She pointed towards the line. ‘She went that way. She was with someone, though,’ she answered quietly. ‘She might have gone home.’
I shot her a smile of thanks and walked outside, shivering as the cool night air hit my skin. ‘Viv? Can you hear me now?’
‘I can hear you now. Anna, honey, I’ve got some bad news.’
Vivian was my grandmother’s part-time carer; she visited for a few hours while I was at work so my grandmother was never alone for too long. ‘What is it?’ I said, my throat going tight.
‘Honey, she’s gone.’
I blinked. ‘Gone? What do you mean?’
