“Okay.”
Nolan carefully handed her over to Grayson. Grayson held her and stared at her with awe. It was strange; in the past two weeks, Nolan had almost grown used to Rachel. She’d managed to weave herself into the fabric of his life, although sometimes he’d look at her and be so overwhelmed by her that it felt like his heart stopped. He wondered if it would always be that way. He hoped so.
“What a pretty little girl,” Grayson cooed. She continued to stare up at him, her little mouth hanging open, as if he was the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen. Nolan thought it seemed like they were having a moment.
Was there some future where this tableau was something more permanent and less likely to slip through Nolan’s fingers? Grayson smiling down at Rachel was fulfilling in a way Nolan hadn’t expected. But wouldn’t it be great if the two people he loved also loved each other? Nolan had been thinking these two individuals would live in separate bubbles, that Rachel would be his and Grayson would be his, but somehow never at the same time. But here they were.
Nolan wanted that future fiercely. He wanted Grayson to live here and be a part of his life and be a parent to Rachel. He wanted all of it, wanted the life he’d dreamed up with Ricky. But he wanted it in a new way now.
But there was no way he could ask Grayson for all that so soon, so he had to be content to stand back and watch them interact for a bit.
A couple of hours later, when Rachel was back to sleep, Nolan and Grayson cuddled on the sofa and watched TV with the volume on low. Rachel had done an admirable job sleeping through the rambunctious screaming and running of Nolan’s friends’ elementary school–aged children when they’d still been in LA, and it seemed to be the case today that she slept for two hours at a time no matter what was happening around her.
“You must be exhausted,” Grayson said. “Does she keep you up at night?”
“Yes. So fair warning, if you plan to spend the night, I’m going to sleep and she will wake us up every two hours.”
“So noted.”
“Sleep is more important than sex. That’s what the parenting book I bought says.”
Grayson laughed. “Really?”
“Yeah. This pattern you’re witnessing now, where she sleeps for two hours at a time and then is all cute and awake and then sleeps for two more hours? That’s her pattern all the time. It’s less cute at three in the morning.”
“Okay. Got it.”
“You don’t have to stay.”
Grayson snuggled closer to Nolan. “I want to. I missed the crap out of you while you were in LA.”
“Okay. I’m too tired for sex, anyway.”
“I don’t want you just for your body, silly.”
Nolan laughed. No one had called him silly in years. “No?”
“Maybe I like your company.”
Nolan hugged Grayson close. “Maybe I like yours too.”
“Unless you don’t want me to stay.”
“No, I do. I definitely do. I missed you when I was gone too. Just, you know. A baby waking you up every two hours isn’t exactly what you signed on for the first time you came home with me.”
“Sure, but it doesn’t scare me as much as you seem to think it should.”
Nolan didn’t know what to make of that. He kissed the top of Grayson’s head and decided to be grateful for their time together now, because he couldn’t imagine being twenty-five and taking on a baby he wasn’t related to. Grayson was still basking in the glow of their seeing each other again, and Rachel had sucked him in by being adorable and well-behaved. But Nolan suspected that in a few days, Grayson would grow tired of it all and realize this was too much for him.
Maybe that was the troubling thing here. It felt temporary and fragile. Nolan couldn’t shake the suspicion that once Grayson saw what he’dreallysigned on for—sleepless nights, messy diapers, and the thrum of anxiety that had vibrated through Nolan’s body since the moment Rachel was born—he’d leave. She was so tiny and vulnerable, and it was difficult not to imagine any number of terrible things that could happen to her. And it was Nolan’s job now to make sure she was safe and cared for. It completely overwhelmed him sometimes.
He held Grayson close because, for now anyway, Nolan had everything he needed. But he knew it might be fleeting, because if life had taught him nothing else, it was that one never knew what tomorrow held.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“SO, WAIT,”Nolan said to Helena. They were in the studio, and they’d just finished filming a segment in which Nolan and Grayson had worked out a design theme for the Chu house. The cameras were gone now, but Helena had asked for a meeting. “The network wants what?”
“Two more episodes,” said Helena. “Fan buzz on social media is off the charts for your show. So, look, I’ve found two more families for you. We can do the house for that couple near the Jersey Shore that you liked, and also this other family that sent a video in. It’s a young couple with two toddlers who are stuck living on only one floor of their broken, nonfunctional house. And, uh, strap in, because we’re going there tomorrow.”
