Nolan didn’t know how to talk to this woman. He was intimidated by the fact that she was carrying a child that could potentially go home with him. He wanted to impress her and make her like him so she’d choose him ultimately, which was an odd thing to think about. He wanted this baby who wasn’t even born yet, without even knowing anything about the child. The moment was… surreal.
But he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to pull himself together. Whydidhe want to adopt? He dug deep and decided to speak from the heart. “My late husband came from a big family and loved children. When he first brought up having a child, I was skeptical. I was happy with our life the way it was. We loved each other, we had good jobs, we were happy. Why complicate that? But the more he talked about it, the more I got on board. The way he used to talk.” And oh fuck, here came the tears. Nolan blinked a few times to keep that stinging feeling away. “He wanted children so badly. He wanted to raise them, to teach them how to be good people, to play with them at the playground in the park near our old house, to do the whole thing with the PTA and Little League and all of it. And the more we talked, the more it felt like our life would be incomplete if wedidn’thave a child. So we got a lawyer and started the process. And we began designing the nursery in our old house.”
Nolan lost the battle here. The tears were coming whether he wanted them to or not. He thought he’d gotten past this phase, but apparently not.
He wiped at his eyes and said, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” said Clyde. “Keep going.”
Nolan nodded. “We were designing the nursery. And Ricky, he was so excited about having a child. And then he got sick. And now he’s gone.” He took a shaky breath. “At some point, his dream became mine and I wanted to be a father. I have so much love to give. I have a good income and can provide a good home. I know I’d be a single dad, but I’m in a good place in my life, evidence to the contrary.” He gestured at his face. “And I want to do this.”
Clyde pushed a box of tissues toward Nolan and Nolan took one.
“Sorry,” he said again. “That’s all.”
Angela nodded. “I believe you,” she said. “I believe you would love and care for a child.” She reached across the table and put her hand over Nolan’s. “I picked you and Ricky because I read your profile and I thought, these are two professional men in a loving, committed relationship who want a child but can’t have one the natural way. That’s really what you want in adoptive parents, no? People who reallywanta child. And I think you do.”
“I do,” said Nolan, nodding.
“My only worry is that I’d been hoping the parents would stay in LA.”
Well, there it was. Nolan’s stomach sank. He nodded. “I’m sorry about that. LA’s not my home anymore.”
“I’m not saying no, I just need to think about it.”
“If it helps, I’d be happy to fly you out to New York whenever you want to visit, and I can make sure you see the baby whenever I’m in LA, which is bound to happen now and then because I still have a lot of clients here.”
Angela patted her belly. “I’m still deciding how much of a role I want to play in the kid’s life. Part of me just wants to know she’s all right, you know? I feel like if I saw her a lot, it might be too painful.”
“I understand,” said Nolan, mostly because it was the thing people wanted to hear more than something he could fully relate to.
Angela sighed. “Thank you for meeting with me. I think this helped. But I need a little time to make a final decision.”
“Absolutely,” said Nolan. “It’s your child. You have to pick someone you trust. But I… I could take could care of her. So I hope you’ll consider me.”
“I definitely will.” Angela smiled. “I had a hunch when I saw your profile that you’d be someone famous. I’ve seen you onThe Stacey Lewis Show. And, of course, I watched Ricardo Vega in everything. He wassofine.”
Nolan laughed softly, warm suddenly. God, he missed Ricky. “He was.” He cleared his throat. “I have to fly back to New York tomorrow, but if you want to ask me any questions, the agency has my number. Right, Clyde?”
“Sure, with your authorization, I can give Angela your phone number.”
“Please do, yes. Okay.” Nolan took a deep breath, still overwhelmed. “Let me know when you make a decision.”
Clyde showed Nolan out a few minutes later. Nolan still felt off-kilter, not used to crying in front of other people. He did all of his crying in private; that was part of why he’d gone underground for a year.
“What are you doing at the Restoration Channel?” Clyde asked. “My wife is a big fan. It’s on in my house almost constantly. She can’t get enough of those house-flipping shows.”
Nolan smiled. “I’m filming a new show, actually.”
“Oh, neat. Does that take a lot of time?”
“Less than you’d think.” It felt like a loaded question. Nolan didn’t want to give Clyde any reason to sway Angela into not choosing Nolan. “I have quite a bit of downtime.”
“The agency wants to do another home visit at your place in the city. We have an office in Manhattan too, so I can arrange for someone local to drop by.”
“Not a problem, although I’m not currently set up for a baby.”
“That’s all right. I’ll call you to set that up.”
