“Mr. Hamlin?”
“Yes.”
“Hi, this is Hilda from the Abbott Agency.”
It took Nolan a moment to figure out what the Abbott Agency was. A design firm? A literary or entertainment agency?
No. It was an adoption agency. It was the agency he and Ricky had gone to almost two years ago, before Ricky’s cancer diagnosis.
“Hi, Hilda,” Nolan said, suddenly nervous. There was no way…. After all this time, was the agency coming through? Didn’t they know Ricky had died?
“I have good news. We have a woman who chose you and Ricardo. Her baby is due in two months.”
Nolan and Ricky had wanted an open adoption so that the birth mother could check in with her child any time she wanted. But they’d wanted privacy too, so they’d gone with an agency that had anonymized their application. The birth mother could then peruse profiles without the names, although probably there were only so many interior designer/actor gay couples. Then again, in LA, anything was possible.
“Two months is soon,” said Nolan. “Also, my circumstances have changed somewhat.”
“Do you not still want to adopt?”
Did he? He and Ricky had talked about this so much, and they’d had a solid plan. Ricky had been struggling to find work, so he’d planned to stay home with the baby while Nolan kept up with his design clients. Now Nolan was in the middle of filming a TV show and getting his life back on track. In LA, they’d started decorating the nursery. Nolan’s loft in New York was hardly ready for a baby.
“It’s not that. I’m…. I mean, it was pretty public, but Ricky died a little over a year ago.”
“Oh, gosh. I’m so sorry.”
“I would have called to tell you, but I suppose it slipped my mind. And so much time has gone by that it seemed unlikely anyone would pick us, and I guess I thought—”
“No, I completely understand.”
He was about to tell HildaThanks, but no thankswhen he realized that he didn’t want to say no. The whole time he’d been on the phone, he’d been mentally picturing how to rearrange furniture in the loft to make space for a baby. He could put up a screen and buy a vintage crib that worked with the space’s modern design, as well as build in some storage for clothes and toys. At some point, while Ricky had been trying to persuade Nolan that he wanted to be a father, Nolan had realized hedidwant to be a father. And he still did. And given that it had taken two years to get to this point, it might be his last chance.
“I can’t even believe I’m about to ask this,” he said to Hilda, “but could you go back to the mom and explain the situation? I’m still interested in adopting, but I’d be a single dad now, and also, I live in New York, not LA.”
“Hmm. Well, the reason I’m calling you is because I wanted to invite you into the office to meet the mother.” Hilda’s chipper tone hadn’t changed. “So let’s keep that appointment. Can you fly out here? Meet with the mom, let her meet you, explain the situation, see if you both agree this is a good idea.”
“I… sure. I can do that. I assume sooner is better than later?” Nolan’s heart started pounding. This was really happening. His mind rapidly cycled through all the many ways it could go wrong, but it could go right too. And if it did, Nolan’s life was about to change in a huge way.
“Yes, definitely soon. The mother lives locally, so I can have her come in next weekend. Can you get away then?”
He’d have to shuffle the filming schedule around, but he said, “Yes, I can do that.”
“Great. I’ll send you an email and let you set up an appointment through our online system.”
Nolan got off the phone and plopped down on the sofa. It was profoundly uncomfortable, likely ported around various sets over the years, and the cushions were worn and flat. But it didn’t matter. His knees had gone rubbery.
He didn’t know much, but hedidknow in that moment, that there was a very good chance he’d become a father—and he wanted that a great deal. He was at a stage in his life when he wanted things settled. He could offer a good home to a child, a loving home where the child could have all of their needs met, with a father who loved that child fiercely.
He took a deep breath and got up. As he shut down the studio, he saw that Grayson had left his scarf behind.
It was only then that he realized that he was in a relationship. Maybe it wasn’t a serious one, but it would have to change now. Once Nolan had a baby, he couldn’t have flings with young men anymore. He’d have to focus on this new person in his life.
So he’d have to have a difficult conversation with Grayson. The idea of it made him feel like he’d swallowed a rock. The truth was, he was enjoying his time with Grayson. They had fun together, and Grayson had a way of making Nolan feel a lot less lonely. He didn’twantto end their relationship; he wanted to see where it would go. But he also knew better than to think he could carry on a relationshipandbring a baby home. Grayson wouldn’t want to play dad; he was young and had friends to see and parties to go to and clothes to buy.
But maybe Nolan didn’t have to have that difficult conversation just yet. It was very possible this mother would find out Nolan was a single man now and change her mind about the adoption. No need to end the affair, in that case.
But if she said yes, Nolan would have a lot to think about.
GRAYSON WASgrinding against a shirtless guy in a club, and somehow didn’t feel weird about it until the guy moved to kiss him. It was too loud for Grayson to explain that he was kinda sorta seeing a guy he really liked, so instead he just shook his head. The guy shrugged and went back to molesting Grayson’s ass, but now that Nolan was on his mind, this all felt very inappropriate. When the song ended, Grayson gave the guy a pat on the shoulder and slunk off the dance floor and over to the bar. He ordered a vodka soda, more for something to do than because he wanted to drink, and took a long breath while he waited for the bartender to mix it.
