“How is having a cat?”
Brad’s lips twisted in a way that showed he was clearly trying to suppress a smile. “It’s actually fun. Most evenings, he hops up on the sofa and watches TV with me. He likes to sleep on the corner of the mattress near my head at night. I keep forgetting he’s there and wake up next to this orange ball of fur, which is a little weird, but I’m starting to get used to it.”
“And he tries to steal your food.”
“Always. Cat after my own heart. Loves a good meal.”
Lindsay reached over and petted the cat and tried to remember what they’d been talking about before he jumped up on the table. Oh, right. The past. After mulling it over for a moment, Lindsay said, “If I’m going to give you another chance, I need to know that you’ll come home tome. I’m not saying you can’t look or you can’t flirt because that would be unreasonable. But I need to have faith that, no matter what you do, it’s me you come home to. It’s me you love.”
“It was always you.”
He sounded earnest, and his words squeezed her heart, but she didn’t have complete trust in them. But was that her, or was that him? Hadn’t he been trying to show her things were different? “It’s not that I don’t trust you—”
He sighed. “You don’t.”
“I need some time, okay?” And that was the truth. Everything about Brad’s presence in her life confused her. Did she trust him? She couldn’t tell. She wanted to. Could she be with someone who made her feel like she’d failed, albeit through no fault of his own? She was less sure of that. Could they make this work, or were they just tangled up in their old feelings for each other? “I’m just… I don’t feel like I’m on steady ground with you. I need to think about things, okay? I’m willing to see where this goes, but I need more time to decide what I want.”
Brad gave her a long look, like he was mulling that over. “Okay. I can give you time. But I need something from you.”
Lindsay steeled herself, although she guessed what he’d say. “What is it?”
“Try to trust me.”
“I am trying.”
“Look, I want you back in my life in whatever form you will have me. Given that we just had sex, again, I am guessing a friendship is probably not in the cards. So I will do everything I can to prove myself trustworthy. But you have to do the same. You have to show me that I’m putting my faith in someone who wants to be with me, who is willing to be vulnerable with me. And if you can’t do that, there really is no hope for us.”
She fidgeted, uncomfortable with how intensely he looked at her now. She hated that word.Vulnerable. It was unsafe. It terrified her.
He kept talking. “I know how hard it is for you to open up and trust people, but trust is not a one-way street. I think part of you always expected me to leave you, so you left me first, and I’m telling you now that I need you to trust that I won’t. Trust that I want you and I will be here for you, but only if you are there for me, too. I will do everything in my power never to betray your trust, and you have to do the same, or this will never work.”
She nodded slowly. She recognized the dilemma here. She had to open herself up to trusting him, something her mind and her heart were screaming at her not to do, but in return she could have a life with a great man who made her happy. Or she could stay in her safety zone and keep living her life as if he’d never walked into it but lose out on being with a great guy.
“What do you want?” Brad asked.
Lindsay stared at the little plastic tub that held what remained of her green curry. She genuinely had no idea which option was better, and she realized that she’d lose something no matter which she chose. “I don’t know. I want to trust you. But it’s hard.”
Brad nodded. Then he sat back on the sofa and eyed her. “I’m going to prove it, you know.”
“Prove what?”
“That you can trust me and that we belong together.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“I don’t know yet. But I will figure it out.”
Chapter 14
TV producers did pretty well for themselves, and Aaron’s Chelsea apartment somehow had a wet bar. It wasn’t the biggest space, but Aaron had sunk some money into making the space nice. It made Brad think about the sad Post-its on his wall where art should have gone, and Lindsay’s crack about his only art being a Star Wars poster. And she wasn’t wrong; he had some work to do to make his apartment look like an adult lived there. But Aaron’s place looked mature and expensive, even though it was small.
Aaron mixed Brad a manhattan and slid it in front of him. “So. Tell me about Lindsay. Does she still hate you?”
Brad sighed. “She still hates me. Well, no, that’s not true. She doesn’t trust me.”
“It was wild seeing her again. She looks better now than she did five years ago.”
“Iknow.”
