“Why you want me back.”
Brad debated how much to say. He’d loved her once. She’d been his favorite person in culinary school—in the world—for the year they’d been together. She was still one of his favorite people, even before she walked back into his life. He thought she was great—beautiful and smart, loyal and fierce, stubborn and challenging, angry and edgy sometimes. Once upon a time, he’d been in love with all of it, but she had harder edges now, was a little more cynical. But he wanted to know the woman she’d become, which told him he wanted to be with her again.
“You got under my skin, I guess. I never stopped thinking about you.”
Lindsay frowned. She opened and closed her mouth a few times like she didn’t know how to respond to that.
“I want another chance,” he said, deciding to just go for it. “You and I were great together. We had a lot of fun together, didn’t we?”
“Well, sure, but relationships are more than just fun.”
“I know. That’s why I want a chance to prove that I’m an adult now. I want to think about the future and make plans. And I want you to be a part of that, if you’ll have me.”
She looked down and, if Brad was not mistaken, blinked away tears. “But didn’t I… I mean, my heart, it… When I saw you and Phoebe, I just… It shattered.”
Brad felt that deep in his chest. He hated that he’d hurt her. He’d never wanted to. But he’d gotten her point, what she’d told him the other day about how Phoebe had been setting them up, and he’d been too self-absorbed to see it.
“Yes,” he said softly. “You broke my heart when you left me. But I understand why you did. And I want to make it up to you. I’ve missed you, Lindsay.”
She frowned. “I missed you, too.”
He kissed her. He had no idea how to show her that he was sincere, that she could trust him, that he could be the man she wanted and needed him to be. But he could do this.
She sighed into his mouth and put her arms around his shoulders.
And so here they were, making out on his sofa again. He leaned over and she leaned back, and then he was on top of her on the lumpy, too-small sofa.
Thishe knew. This was familiar. The feel of her fingers in his hair, the taste of her lips, the curves of her body under his hands. They feltrighttogether, like some order had been brought to their chaotic universe, like the planets were aligning. In some ways, this part was easy. It was the emotional stuff they kept messing up.
He’d fucked it up once. He was determined to get it right this time.
But first, he had to respond to this immediate moment. Lindsay pulled his shirt off and ran her hands over his chest, pausing on the sun tattoo.
“Okay, wait,” he said. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but maybe we should talk about this before, you know.”
She frowned at him. “Brad.”
“I just don’t want us to do something we’re going to regret later.”
Lindsay didn’t quite back off, but Brad could feel the hesitation wafting off her. Then she said, “Watching you cook reminded me of the good old days, I guess. I know I’ve been…unfair to you. I’ve got some shit I’m dealing with, and none of it is your fault. Okay?”
“Sure. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
He wondered if he should let it go. If he should accept her affection now. If this were a short-term thing, he’d let her stay mum. But he wanted her back for the long-term, so he pushed her. “Do you think we should talk about it?”
She rolled her eyes, but then she looked at him. “It’s just… Okay. The thing is, when I was watching you cook at the taping, it occurred to me that I made a choice when I walked out on you, and I’ve felt many times that it was the wrong choice. And I don’t know if what I want is to get back together, but that second-chance thing, maybe I could do that.”
“Not sure if you noticed, but you were about to jump my bones. Not sure if that counts as a date.”
“It counts as something.”
He laughed. “Linds, I—”
“Do wehaveto have a big talk about our feelings?”
“Are you gonna freak out if we have sex again?”
