“Sure. But that’s your job. That’s not us.”
Brad opened his eyes and looked at her. Lindsay’s expression was wide-eyed and earnest, vulnerable maybe. “Well,” he said. “Like I said, we’ll live together.”
“Would we get married?”
“If you want.”
“Do you want to?”
Brad was starting to hate this line of questioning. He understood that she was trying to ascertain if he had any future plans beyond his career. Did he want to get married? He was ambivalent. Did he want kids? Lauren’s daughter, Hannah, was pretty dang cute, but Brad wasn’t sure about that, either. Not right now, definitely. But he said, “I want to be with you. I want to live with you. I don’t feel like we’re on solid enough ground to get married tomorrow, but that could be in the cards someday if it was something we both wanted. Do you want kids?”
“I don’t think so. Not right now, anyway.”
“Sounds like we’re on the same page there. And what about this potential restaurant job?”
Lindsay let out a long breath. “I have to let the guy know by Monday, and I’m still not sure. You know what I picture, though, with us? Yes, living together. Your apartment is big but needs someone to decorate it, and I’d be happy to take that on.”
Brad laughed. “Your taste seems very girlie.”
“I like purple. So sue me.” She let out a breath. “I’m just saying, I’m still kind of stuck on this fantasy of us running a restaurant together someday, and it was something I didn’t even know I wanted until you showed up back in my life.”
“I’d like working with you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. We’d have fun.”
Lindsay smiled. “The idea first popped into my head when you and I hosted that dinner party to celebrate your deciding to switch to pastry. You remember that?”
He did remember. It was almost a silly question to ask if he remembered any particular moment with Lindsay because they were all etched clearly on his memory. “I remember my souffles didn’t work because I got a little big for my britches.”
Lindsay laughed. “You had those cookies as backup.”
“I did, but I was so embarrassed.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Well, sure. You made a beautiful dinner for everyone.”
“No, I mean… That night was so much fun. Sharing a kitchen with you, cooking with you. Do you remember how much we laughed? And how everyone forgave you for your souffles falling because the cookies were perfect?”
“I suppose that’s true.” He reached over and touched a lock of her hair. “I want so much for you to be able to do what you really want to do. You were such a talented chef. I still can’t get over that you quit.”
“It wasn’t fun anymore.”
“Well, sure, but—”
“It wasn’t fun because you weren’t cooking with me. When we were in school and we had the space to mess up and experiment and learn, when you and I used to goof around in the test kitchen after hours, I felt so much joy in what I was doing. I loved cooking. But when you weren’t in my life anymore, I just… I didn’t feel that joy anymore. And probably I shouldn’t have let that get to me. No, I definitely shouldn’t have. Because I blamed you for all of it without taking the time to reflect on whatIhad done wrong, and I realize now that I never let you in. I should have. I want to now. I want to fix what I did wrong before. I want to find that joy again, and I want us to cook together, and that’s what I want our future to be.”
Something in Brad broke then. “Linds…” But he didn’t know what to say. God, he loved this woman. She hadn’t said she loved him, too, but he knew she felt something. He leaned over, cupped her cheek, and kissed her, wanting to convey something but not sure what to say. She hooked a hand around his wrist and continued to kiss him.
She pulled away slightly. “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about. You and me teaming up to take on the culinary world. Do you think… Do you think something like that is possible, or is it still a fantasy?”
“No. I think you and I could do anything if we teamed up.”
She nodded.
She was saying all the things he wanted to hear, but this conversation had left him feeling uneasy. Why didn’t he completely buy what she was selling him? Did he believe she changed? Could she make herself vulnerable for him? Could she take a big leap into the future like this without self-sabotaging again? He wasn’t sure she could.
