He groaned. “What did Lauren say?”
Paige shook her head. “It’s not important. The gist was that she’s worried we’re both making a mistake.”
“A mistake? She said that?”
“Well, not in so many words, but just…if this ends, then what?”
“What if it doesn’t end?”
“Everything ends!”
Josh sighed. He glanced at Bianca lounging on the stool beside him. “Until it doesn’t,” he muttered. He still hadn’t had his big fight with Lauren, and he cursed the timing of the trial. If he’d had time this week, he could have answered Paige’s texts or spoken to her on the phone or in person and helped quell some of her panic, and he could have talked to Lauren and gotten all this square so that Paige hadn’t come away from that conversation convinced this story had some tragic ending. But he’d been so caught up in the case and his work and so tired when he got home at night that he hadn’t talked with anyone about anything.
Paige stood near the kitchen island and wrung her hands. “What I said the first time we slept together hasn’t changed. If we keep dating and get more involved and we have a fight or we break up or something else goes wrong with us? I still think Lauren would take your side, but even if she didn’t, it would be a huge mess. And I’m sorry, but my friendship with Lauren and my job at the Cat Café are too important to me. So I think it’s better that we end things now before we get too involved emotionally.”
Josh nodded, because it was what he’d been expecting her to say. His stomach flopped as he realized that her ending things was not just theoretical. But he had a multipronged argument prepared, so he dove into it. “I hear you,” he said, “but first of all, I don’t know about you, but I’m already involved emotionally. So it’s too late for that. If I walk away from you today, I will regret it for a long time.”
Paige’s face fell. “Don’t say things like that. Don’t make this harder.”
“Breaking up is not what either of us wants, is it?”
“No, but…” Paige started to pace across her kitchen. Bianca hopped up on the counter and curled into a ball but kept an eye on Paige. Paige pet her head absently, but said, “You ever feel like, no matter what we want, the universe is trying to tell us this was not meant to be?”
“What are you talking about?” But Josh knew. He knew because he’d been through this very thing once before. It was the feeling he’d had once he’d finally gotten a plane home from Chicago and knew that everything was over.
Paige continued to pace. “I mean, you still have a demanding job. In the time that we’ve been dating, you’ve had to cancel on me several times because of work. And not only that, but you’re working all those hours at a job you don’t even seem to like very much, for the very sorts of clients who would have businesses like the one your sister and I run shut down!”
“And you worked for a bank. What’s your point?”
“I like you, I really do, but you’re too busy, and if my job and other personal relationships are also at stake, I can’t help but think that this is the universe telling us we should not be together.”
“Paige.” Josh did completely understand what Paige was saying, but he disagreed. They could find a way to make this work. Although if Paige was already looking for a way out, maybe it wasn’t worth it. If she was just going to leave the way Megan did, maybe he shouldn’t bother.
No, that didn’t feel quite right. They wouldn’t be feeling this much turmoil about this if they didn’t care about each other. They’d be able to just walk away. Something in Josh was very stubbornly refusing to walk away.
“Let me talk to Lauren,” Josh said. “She wanted to have it out with me, and I haven’t had time to let her. But I think I can bring her around.”
“She’s avoiding me. I called her on it today, and she didn’t deny it. See? It’s already starting.”
“But I think I can—”
“Josh.” Paige pinched the bridge of her nose and furrowed her brow. She looked like she was in physical pain. “I don’t know what to tell you. I hate how I feel right now. I don’t want to say goodbye to you, but I don’t see a way for this relationship to work.”
“We could also just…not break up and see where it goes.”
“I don’t think that’s an option,” said Paige.
“We give Lauren some time to come around to the idea of us together and I keep working until my schedule becomes a little easier. Or I could take the time off my boss keeps telling me I have coming, and we could spend a whole week together. Or, hell, maybe I’ll quit my job. And maybe it turns out that, when we spend more time together, we don’t like each other so much after all, but maybe we do have something really special that is worth fighting for. I don’t know. But I hate not trying.”
“No, don’t quit your job. I don’t know if I can… I mean, it’s such a big risk, and…”
Josh probably should have taken Paige at her word, but he wanted to fight for this. He wasn’t sure if this was love, but it was something, and he refused to give it up. “Let’s not make any decisions we can’t take back right now. Maybe we have dinner together tonight, and then I go home, and then we just see where things go.”
Paige shook her head. “I need some time to think.”
“All right. I can give you that. But don’t give up on us, Paige. I know this puts you in a terrible position, and I do feel bad about that, but I care about you and I want to keep caring about you, all right? And I think that you want to keep caring about me, too, but you’re afraid of the fallout. And I get that, I do.”
Then everything became quite clear to Josh. If what Lauren had told him was true, and based on things Paige herself had said, Paige had been dating a series of guys she met on apps who were all wrong for her. And this was a woman who had the rest of her life together—a job she loved, financial security, a lovely home. Why was she pushing away the one man who had come along whom she did connect with? Because she was terrified. What she was terrified of was not completely clear. Commitment? Love? There were a lot of possibilities here. But Josh felt like he finally had her pegged.
