“Maybe she experienced something bad. An accident?”
I look to River for help, and he looks at me expectantly. I know if I don’t say anything, he’ll answer for me.
The people of Littlerock are definitely not tactful, though I’m not mad at them. I shake my head again, pulling a pen from my pocket and writing on the napkin because I forgot my notebook.There was a bad event. I don’t want to say anything more about it.I don’t have to write the whole complicated story down for them. Selective mutism, complete mutism.
The two women nod at me somewhat benevolently and pityingly, which is okay. At least they don’t look at me like I’m an alien.
I sit back and watch the action as River continues talking to them. The Knotty Oak consists of two areas: the restaurant and a larger room with a bar, bar tables, and a stage. I even spot a piano. From the conversation with the older gentlemen, I learn that the village band, For Heaven’s Sake, is tonight’s entertainment and that the bearded man’s son is the bass player.
I look from the stage to River and catch him staring longingly at the podium during the conversation.
Of course, he also plays. According to what he told me, he played all night in New Orleans. He hums all day or sings softly to himself while slacklining. He definitely misses it. I have no idea when he last played or why he came back to Cottage Grove. He said he hadn’t seen his family in a long time, but he must have been home just before he met me on Old Sheriff. After all, his father wanted to have him declared insane.
I look at him thoughtfully, seeing him as if he’s in a dreamlike bubble. How he laughs, gestures, and speaks. All sounds andhis words blur together. I’m completely relaxed at this moment, even though I’m among people and have a thousand questions.
I love you, River McFarleyis all I can think, and my heart beats faster at the thought of feeling all of him. Maybe he notices that, and that’s why the air crackles with every furtive or non-furtive glance, as if magic were igniting itself.
After the first singers try to join For Heaven’s Sake on stage, River and I move to a bar table. In front of us, between the bar tables and the stage, teenagers have gathered as well as several couples ranging in ages from twenty to ninety-nine. I like the fact that all ages celebrate together here. A man in his mid-thirties wearing a heavy metal T-shirt is currently belting out “Livin’ On A Prayer” by Bon Jovi. The crowd roars even though he doesn’t hit a single note.
If River finds his singing bad, he doesn’t show it. I just see him occasionally holding his breath or wincing at the wrong note.
During “I Want To Know What Love Is,” a number of couples suddenly start dancing, tightly embracing like newlyweds.
“Come on!” River doesn’t wait for my response and leads me to the dancers. He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me to him, and my hands go to the back of his neck. I feel the warmth of his skin under my fingers and the fine film of sweat because it’s so hot in here. His hair tickles the back of my hand and sends goosebumps scurrying up my arms.
“Hey,” he says roughly, leaning down toward me. His face is close to mine. “Is it okay in here?” His breath breaks against my lips, and I nod, as if paralyzed.
How could anything be wrong when I’m with him? The stars could fall from the sky, and all the volcanoes on Earth could spew lava at the same time; I wouldn’t care. As long as I hear his breathing, his roughhey, and smell his scent of leather, forest, and herbs, I know I’m always in the right place. I close my eyes,feeling his fingertips on the back of my neck, a gentle hand, curved and light. A million magical words flutter through my mind, but they slip away when he kisses me—not as tenderly as usual, but not in a way that scares me either.
And again, I fall into sweet, humming darkness. Into bright light. Maybe I’ll fly, and maybe I’ll die. Everything else is meaningless. I bury my fingers in River’s silky hair and dive into the blackness. The world blurs, and all opposites dissolve. Time and space. Up, down. It’s just me and River and this buzzing in the distance. If I had one wish right now, I wouldn’t want my speech back but for this moment to last forever and never go away.
I only notice that reality is coming back when River’s let go of me, and I notice the silence around me. The song is over, and the audience pauses for a moment of appreciation before clapping. The applause only slightly penetrates my vacuum bubble, muffled by the intoxication of the kiss. As if through cotton wool, I see River splitting the crowd with his hands and jumping onto the stage.
He takes the microphone from the previous singer and peers into the crowd, but he’s only looking at me. A shiver runs through my veins. His hair shimmers in the spotlight, his eyes shining a silvery-blue, like mirrors.
“Hi, Littlerock,” he says in his whiskey voice and receives some cheers for that alone. A few girls in front of me nudge each other with their elbows and put their heads together. “Awesome!” squeals a blonde with an artfully plaited braid.
“Are you ready for a new song?” I hear him ask.
The girls’ encouraging squeals are answer enough. He speaks briefly to the band and comes back to the front of the audience.
What on earth is he doing up there? I thought he played guitar. Is he planning to sing?
Asher Blackwell from Demons ’N Saints comes to mind, but River can’t be Asher Blackwell. That’s absolutely impossible. Why would a famous rock star travel around with a mute girl, trying to fulfill her big five?
And if so?
Nonsense. River is Chester’s brother. You know that now.
I don’t even have time to think any further because River sits down at the piano. For a moment, it seems as if all of Littlerock is holding its breath with me. In this reverent silence, the first notes of the piano sound like a strange magic—a deep magic of dark colors, almost like our kiss on the water.
River looks at me, and I can’t breathe. I recognize the melody from the first night I spent with him at Sylvan Lake. In my mind, the sounds he plays become images, a story, silhouettes of a girl and a boy.
When he begins to sing, a bittersweet murmur passes through the hall like a wave.
You are my truth above the moon
Guess my love, I’ll see you soon
