River continues forward unperturbed, wading through the water, shortening the serpentine lines of the shoreline. I hurryafter him, feeling the cold wrapping around my legs like ivy. But it’s not only the cold.
You’re sick?!
He just looks at me, his confident lips pursed, and I realize he’s not going to comment. A stale taste forms in my mouth. Incurable diseases. That was part of some farewell letters from the Golden Gate jumpers. But he appears healthy. He smokes, he drinks, he does what he wants.
Maybe because nothing matters anymore, I think. Maybe he’ll die soon and wants to take his own life prematurely.
I stop abruptly, and my eyes involuntarily fill with tears. Tears as wet and real as the fear in my chest.
There are isolated calls again coming from different directions, but I don’t care. Because River always manages to outrun everyone. Because I have a terrible feeling right now.
Are you dying?I type with shaking hands and hold his phone in front of his face.
Now he’s smiling. “Not until the end of summer. Besides, we all die sometime.”
Chapter 12
Iclench my hand, but this time, I hold it up like a threat.Are you terminally ill, Riv? Tell me! You said that sometimes this would be written in the farewell letters of people who jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.I don’t know where the sudden anger inside me comes from. I have no expectations from him, and he never promised me anything. Maybe I’m merely angry because he ignores this serious question. Because I fell in love with him and want him to live forever.
Now he’s looking at me with a forlorn expression, seemingly exhausted for the first time since I’ve known him. He takes a deep breath. “No, I’m not.”
Truth or lie?
“Truth.” Moonlight falls across his cheeks, and he suddenly seems fragile, like a beautiful sculpture that could easily be shattered with a hammer.
Swear it!Funny, I’ve never been one for oaths. That used to be more James and Arizona’s thing.
River kisses his thumb, index, and ring fingers and lifts them in the air.
Pinky swear, I insist, just like Arizona always demanded when something important was at stake.
A tender smile crosses River’s face, and he extends his little finger to me and hooks it around mine. “Pinky swear.”
My heart becomes lighter. I’m certain he’s not lying to me.
“Come on now!” This time, he takes my hand and pulls me further through the water to the other side while footsteps crunch on the gravel behind us.
“We know you’re here!”
“Girl, whoever you are and whatever your problem is, he can’t solve it for you! In the end, you’ll fall in love with him, and he’ll be gone! He just leaves behind shattered pieces.”
All These Glittering Pieces.
I falter.
River looks at me. “Don’t listen to them, Tucks. They think I don’t know what I’m doing, but I do.”
I stand still, so River has to, too. For the first time ever, I have doubts. They said he was sick. He may hear whispering voices in his head.
“I. Know. What. I. Am. Doing.” Every word is a soft, choppy sound in the night. He’s only a hand’s breadth in front of me, and I feel his breath on my face again—warm and smoky.
Do you know what you’re doing? Even if you drive a Porsche over a cliff, balance unsecured on a fifteen-foot-high slackline, or have a near-crash with a camper? Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
But… he saved me. From jumping, from Kensington, and from my lonely life. He says and does the right things at the right times. He doesn’t hear voices, certainly not. He can’t be that sick. I think about the kiss on the line and feel a shiver of happiness, fear, and adventure.
But I also think about him wanting to jump off a highline. He needs help, and that’s exactly why I can’t leave him alone.
I start moving faster than before. Suddenly, I just want to get away from these people who say such bad things about him. Maybe they are wrong. Maybe he’s changed. I don’t know and don’t care.
