Nothing has any meaning anymore. He was right.
And when I understand it, at that exact moment, he pulls back and ends the kiss. “Now you’re safe,” he whispers. “I fixed it.”
That’s what he meant by making it easier. He secured me, and I didn’t even notice. Like before.
“After Betty, you were my last chance,” he says quietly now, stepping back a little.
The finality in his voice alarms me. “Riv, come back with me to the other side!”
Cautiously, he shakes his head. “You don’t have to save me now. You already did.”
“Riv...” I take a step forward onto the web of ribbons as he takes a step back, and suddenly, I’m on the narrow plateau of Lost Arrow Spire again.
“You don’t understand, Tucks. You don’t even really know me.”
I jump onto the rock, finally having solid ground under my feet. “Yes, I do know you!”
He smiles so tenderly it almost kills me. “Oh, Tucks... Ever since I started making music, I wanted the world to love me. It’s in me, this gene. I don’t know why... Then this thing happened with June. I refused to show my face. No one should be able to recognize me; no one should be able to love me. I didn’t want all that money, either. I just wanted to make music. I was always on the run, afraid someone would recognize me. And this summer... we wanted to play twenty concerts and rehearsed like crazy. We made music at night.” He barks out a laugh, and a light wind ruffles his hair. “But then I found out what Betty had done. The girl I wanted to save. In her farewell letter, she wrote that I was the reason she didn’t want to live anymore. I fell into a hole. There was nothing left. I just wanted to die.” He looks so sad that my heart aches.
“You can only save people who want to be saved, River,” I say softly. I have to keep encouraging him to talk, because as long as he talks, he won’t jump. Like the villain in the film who doesn’tshoot as long as he explains his plan to the hero. Maybe help will come soon. I don’t know.
“I got drunk, did coke, and took pills. It was so bad, my friends took me to my parents.” He stands a long way behind the slackline’s anchor.
I nod. “I know. You went to the psychiatric hospital and checked yourself in.”
“I jumped once before and knew I would do it again. But then I met you there, Tucks. You seemed so lonely, so desperate.” He closes his eyes briefly, as if he were remembering that moment. “You were my last chance to keep my promise to June. You were the last thing in my life that I wanted to do right. Do well.” He looks at me. “I wanted to jump, Tucks, that day. You saved me.”
Tears well up in my eyes. My throat feels constricted. “June would never have wanted you to keep that promise.”
He presses his lips together. “You know, sometimes I believe she’s waiting for me above the moon and among the stars. As if she’s waiting for the day I’ll fulfill that promise and be with her.”
Now, the tears are flowing freely down my cheeks. I step forward and wrap my arms around his waist, a desperate attempt to keep him close to me. “You once told me there was nothing in life that couldn’t be repaired.”
“Maybe that was a lie because I wanted to save you,” he whispers.
“Maybe my heart will be irreparable if you jump...” I say, crying. “And then you haven’t really saved me!”
River glances over my shoulder down into the valley. “Let me go, baby.” He says it gently but firmly.
Fear is cold in my bones. “No.” I can’t lose him—not today, not ever.
He strokes the back of my head gently. “You stood at the edge of the bridge and spread your arms. You wanted to fly too, Kentucky.” There’s a smile in his voice. “Don’t cry a river forme,” he whispers and gently releases my arms from around his waist. I realize it too late and try to take another step in his direction, but the leash stops me. It’s connected to the slackline, so I can’t go any further.
“River, no!” I whisper when I realize it.
He takes another step back. For a few seconds, we stand facing each other, him all in black, me all in white. Crane and swan.
Panic flutters around me, and my heart burns darkly. I tug at the figure-eight knot like a blind man, but it won’t come undone. Instead, it tightens. Then I realize it isn’t a figure eight at all but a complex tangle that I can’t unravel quickly. He even threaded the rope through the waistband of my jeans—there’s no way to take the belt off.
“Riv,” I choke out.
“I’m sorry.” Misery flickers in his eyes. “I just don’t want you to stop me.”
I want to sink to my knees. “Riv, you have to let her go. You have to let June go,” I say, choking.
He looks at me, transfixed.
Seconds between life and death.
