I want to scream, to fight back, but it’s as if I’m stuck in the past. I’m paralyzed.
He stares at me without blinking. “Do you know what pisses me off the most about this whole thing? It’s that you chose that freak over me. The freak who only goes on stage in his stupid demon mask like a fucking coward. Yes, he’s Asher Blackwell, but he’s also a sick asshole! The loser that a nation mistakenly cheers. A ruthless egomaniac who only loves himself and no one else. He used you! And you let him use you!” He shakes his head in disbelief, and his fingers tighten around my neck. Panicking, I tug at his arm.
“Put your hands down,” he says dangerously soft as he squeezes even harder.
I do as he says. I can hardly breathe. My throat burns like a thousand fires.
“Girl number three, Betty Dawson? She was just as stupid as you. He almost had her there. She almost got better, but she pinned all her hopes on him. Well... She stuck to him like chewing gum. When he told her that he only wanted to be friends and that there would only ever be one girl for him, shefreaked out and overdosed on sleeping pills. Thirty Valium. That wasn’t a cry for help.” His words make me dizzy.
“She’s dead, Kansas. And it was his fault.” His face is still close to mine. I want to turn my head to the side, but his grip is too tight. His vinegary breath, which stinks of pickles, sickens me. “I’d love to know everything he told you. Everything he promised you.” He presses me against the wall with his body. It’s like before. I can’t get away, and he does what he wants. “Did you think he could save you? Save you from what? Your miserable, pathetic life in Cottage Grove? Did you try to run away from us all?”
I try to swallow but can’t.Stop! Let me go!I want to scream or whisper.
Chester’s eyes glow and darken. They’re so close to mine that they fill my field of vision. Like a black flood that pushes me underwater, suffocating and burying me. “You’re going to regret this, Kans,” he whispers. “All of this. This whole summer. Today and at Kensington.”
At that moment, I realize he doesn’t yet know that I can speak again. James hasn’t told him, and neither has my dad.
Do it! Scream! You can do it!
I open my mouth, but the next moment, he whirls me around, grabs me by the back of the neck, and slams my forehead into the tiles. “Hold still!” Tears well up in my eyes.
He presses me face down against the stall wall with his hand on my neck, and I hear the clinking sound that comes from unbuckling a belt.
Scream!
My throat, however, feels like it’s in a noose. I barely notice what’s happening, only feel Chester’s brutal grip, his body close behind me, and the red panic that divides the moment into sequences.
I’m helpless again, and for a second, I want to let myself fall back into the silence, where everything hurts less, but then I feel something against my leg, on my thigh. It pinches because Chester is pressing me so tightly against the wall.
Oh God!
My heart is racing. Chester is tugging at my pants, and my fingers are groping nervously for the black pendant that I’ve carried with me since River gave it to me. With a strong tug, I pull the metal pin out of the signaling device, and a deafening shrill sound fills the stall so loudly that Chester suddenly releases me.
“Help!” I scream as the noise frees me from my paralysis. “Help! Fire! Help!”
Chester’s eyes widen when he understands. He immediately grabs me and covers my mouth.
“Turn that thing off, now!” he growls as he searches for the pin, momentarily distracted. This is my chance. I kick him in the shin as hard as I can with the heavy-duty hiking boot and shove him to the side. I unlock the door, pull on the handle...
And run straight into my brother.
Chapter 29
Inever had to explain much to James. When we were still talking to each other, a few words were often enough because I never spoke much.
Today, one look is enough, and he knows what’s going on.
“Hey, it’s not what it looks like,” Chester protests loudly over the alarm. He hastily fastens his belt.
James glares at him. He is pale, and his dark eyes blaze like black fire. “Move aside, Kans,” he says unemotionally. For a few seconds, I am terribly afraid. James has never been a thug. On the contrary, he settles disputes with arguments. Now, however, he looks too angry, as if no argument in the world could stop him from beating up Chester.
“James, don’t,” I whisper because I know how much trouble it will cause.
“Move. Aside!” His voice sounds so frightening, I stumble past him into the anteroom as he begins to pummel him. I spin around.
Chester staggers against the stall wall, groaning as a stream of blood shoots out of his nose.
He stares at my brother, stunned. “You’re crazy!Shethrew herself at me, and I pushed her away.”
