I remember the night I told him I slept on the kitchen table for a year.
“When I lost June, I did something similar—except I knew she’d never come back.”
That’s what River said, the first concrete reference to Asher, but my subconscious wouldn’t let it through.
He slept on his girlfriend’s grave for a year.
New tears burn in my eyes. Because he loved June so much. Because he lost her. Because I will never be June. And because I feel so sorry for him. I lost the love of my life to the world today, and somehow, I lost Mom too.
Reflexively, I reach into my pocket and pull out the signal generator. Without consciously controlling it, I run back to the well. The security personnel who came to meet me don’t stop me—why should they? I’m leaving voluntarily. As if in a trance, I place the signal generator on the edge, climb into the well, and, dazed by the events, let myself sink back into the cold water. I stare blindly up at the sea god Oceanus and the rushing water features. I feel nothing. My mom will talk to my dad, and if I don’t run away, they’ll send me back to Cottage Grove. I still can’t speak properly, and everything will start again. Chester and his followers—his fucking ridiculous fans—will continue to torment me, and no one will believe me.
I want to dissolve and not be here anymore. Water enters my ears, splashing against my eardrums, and then someone touches my hand. I raise my head.
“Hey, did you know that everyone walking down the street in Elko has to wear a mask?” I hear a voice, unclear through the water in my ears.
I close my eyes briefly. I don’t want to cry anymore. Never again in my life. And I never want to be afraid again. Of nothing.
“Lesson one: stay close by. They won’t search for you there.” Now, I turn my head. River lies in the water next to me, his arms and legs floating lightly on the surface like a raft. “Did you meet your mom?”
I wonder how he can still think about my mom at this moment. Still, I nod and fight back tears. I succeed, but the lump in my throat prevents any words from coming out.
“Did you ask her why?”
I nod again. It’s no longer important. I form letters with my hands, which takes quite a long time, especially because I almost sink, even though the pool is so shallow.
River sits up and looks down at me from above. No—as if Asher Blackwell is looking down on me. Or Tanner Davenport. Only now do I notice that the crowds around the fountain are pushing outside. Security officers shout at each other.
“Nobody can find us here.” River nods and smiles at the stone figures. “The sea gods are watching over us, Tucks.”
Don’t call me that!I want to scream.Never again!
“Lesson two: cell phones off. Which is taken care of. I stashed them in a flower arrangement somewhere near Tivoli Hall. Yours and mine. Lesson three: go back to the scene and toast your success... We’ll wait for that, I’d say.” He leans over, suddenly so close to me that I smell it—the calming scent of summer, plus the water from the fountain. It’s almost like the blue-green river.
His lips hover over mine for seconds when he kisses me. His tongue is cool, and he’s as incredibly gentle as he was the first time on the slackline. I wrap my arms around his neck in desperation, wishing with every fiber of my body, heart, and soul that he had remained River McFarley forever.
“This feels too good, baby,” he murmurs harshly as we pull away from each other. I dig my hands into his hair and put my forehead against his. I never want to go out there into the world again.
“I wish we could stay in here forever,” he whispers as if he read my mind. “But forever...”
Don’t say it!
“We can’t hide forever.” His words explode on my lips. “Tucks. I’m sorry. I never wanted you to know who I am. You wouldn’t have been comfortable. I wouldn’t have been able to...”
Save you?I finish his sentence and lower my hands. I have to ask him so many things.
“You still have to sayI love you.” He tenderly pushes back a strand of my hair, as if everything is the same again, as if there weren’t hordes of his fans around the fountain searching for him, as if none of that mattered.
I want to cry again because, deep down inside, I am completely shaken up. I know I don’t even have the slightest idea what his identity—his popularity—really means.
River kneels down and peers behind the winged horse into the shopping gallery. “Tucks, two security officers are coming toward the fountain,” he says quietly. “Lesson four: dive into the crowd. I’ll find you!” He kisses me on the forehead. I haven’t even gotten up when he’s already gone, but I still hear him saying, “Don’t forget the alarm!”
And then he disappears between all his fans. I only recognize him by his broad shoulders and determined walk and I discover he is wearing a Demons ’N Saints fan T-shirt and a black-haired wig. Where did he conjure up those two things so quickly? Did he leave them on a mythical figure?
I shake my head, grab the black signal generator, and climb over the edge of the fountain just as the security guards spot me. People are being ordered to leave this part of the hall, but I push against the current toward Tivoli Hall without anyone stopping me. Maybe I’ll be invisible without River.
I search for my cell phone among the exotic climbing plants in the flower pots near the shops. I find it in the third one, near the cafe. River must have smuggled it in there before the gig, but I can’t find his.
With trembling fingers, I turn off airplane mode and tap Messenger, glancing around. A few visitors in eveningwear are standing in front of the hall and look as if they are waiting for something.
