Amelia Burns blows out a breath. “Seriously? You raised that high with a pair of tens? I had a pair of jacks.”
Ellery’s smile widens. “It’s called bluffing, Amelia. It’s fun.”
“But you never bluff,” Amelia says. Her blond curls have been slipping out of her loose ponytail all night, but she doesn’t seem to have noticed she’s got more hair down than up at this point. Or maybe she just doesn’t care. It’s hard to tell with Amelia. She’s a single mom to a four-year-old, works as an animal control officer, and doesn’t seem to give a shit what anyone thinks of her.
Ellery shrugs. “I’m trying something new. I think I like it.”
“You aren’t supposed to tell everyone that,” Hailey says as she gathers up the cards and starts shuffling. “Let them think you expected your pair of tens to win.”
“But that would be stupid,” Ellery says. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m stupid.”
“It’s not so bad,” I say. “Emily and Sophie think I’m the stupidest person on the planet.”
Amelia twists in her seat to face me. “Rough day?” We’re in the basement of Hailey’s grandmother’s house. Her grandmother passed years ago, and the family had been renting it out until Hailey moved back to town and took over ownership of the property. It’s my favorite place for our top-secret women-only poker games. A safe place where we can be ourselves without worrying about small-town gossips.
The place changes each week, always at one of our houses. The worst is when we have to go to Lennox Carrington’s house way up in the mountains with no way to get there other than to hike. Which is why Lennox couldn’t make it tonight. She didn’t feel like making the hike. I don’t blame her at all.
“Roughweek,” I say. “I thought they’d be excited about going to Brodie’s wedding, taking a vacation together, but Emily’s been moody and angry at me all week. I can’t say anything right. And Sophie’s mad that she’s going to have to miss the homecoming football game and dance.” I run a hand through my hair. I don’t want to bring the mood of poker night down, but these women are the only people I can really vent to. “Emily and I got into a huge fight before I came over here because she wants to go to some party at the house of a kid I know nothing about. She didn’t even tell me about it until the last minute, and I don’t know if the parents are going to be there. I don’tknowthe parents. And we’ve got to be up early for our flight. Of course, Emily didn’t care about any of that. She just wanted to go, and I’m the bitch keeping her from doing what she wants. It doesn’t help that ourmother would absolutely have let her go, and she knows it. Mom almost never said no to either of them.”
“Also,” Hailey says. “It’s pretty much the job of teenagers to hate everything about the authority figures in their lives. I did when I was a teenager.” I smile at Hailey, grateful for a reassurance that maybe it’s not just me that’s the problem.
Hailey and I have grown apart over the years. She was still away at college when I had to move back to take care of my sisters, and when she moved back here over a year ago, I was too busy figuring out how to be a guardian to my sisters to spend time with her.
It’s hard sometimes to find anything to talk about when my whole world is work, school, and my sisters, and Hailey’s doing all the fun things I wish I had time for.
It’s also possible that I pushed her away because I was jealous, and maybe a little embarrassed. When I left this town, I was certain I had a future as a world-famous artist. Or at least a big-city famous artist.
I failed at that. And not just because I had to quit school for my sisters, but because I wasn’t doing that well in art school. My teachers didn’t think I had what it took to be anything more than mediocre.
Since Ellery started this poker night, though, Hailey and I have started talking again. We aren’t as close as we once were, but we’re getting there.
“I loved my parents,” Ellery says. “I rebelled quietly, but I never hated them.”
Hailey purses her lips and narrows her eyes at Ellery. “There wasno oneyou hated?”
Ellery looks to the ceiling, thinking. “No. I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone.”
“You are an angel,” Amelia says. “The sweetest person any of us know. But you are also one of a kind. I agree with Hailey,Gentry. Emily and Sophie would act this way no matter who was telling them what to do. Don’t take it personally.”
“How can I not take it personally?” I ask, my throat tight. “They’re right to hate me. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I make so many mistakes. I probably don’t even realize most of the mistakes I’m making. I might do damage to them that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.”
Amelia nods. “You are speaking the language of my nightmares, babe. You can drive yourself to the edge of insanity questioning every choice and option, or listening to all the people who tell you only they know the best way to parent, but the truth is, no one really knows how to raise perfect, well-balanced kids. Some of the most amazing humans have come out of the most dire of upbringings, and some of the worst have come from seemingly idyllic homes. All you can do is love them and do the best you can. I know you’re already doing both of those things.”
A tear slips down my cheek. “I’m trying. But it doesn’t feel like it’s good enough.”
“You’re too hard on yourself,” Ellery says. “I’m not a mom, so you probably won’t believe me, but I think you’re doing a wonderful job.”
She’s right. As much as I appreciate her kind words, I don’t believe her.
“You need some moms of teenagers to talk to,” Hailey says.
“I really do. But all the moms around here know my kids. I’m so afraid that if I tell them what I’ve been doing and they think it’s horrible, they’ll call CPS or tell everyone I’m a poor guardian.” I swipe at my cheek as another tear rolls down. “Plus, it just seems wrong to talk about Emily and Sophie’s behavior behind their backs with people who see them all the time.”
“You should try finding a group online,” Amelia says. “I’m in a group of single moms with kids, and I get so many great ideas there. I’ll ask around and see if I can find one for you.”
“Thank you.” I wave a hand. “I’m sorry for bringing down the party. Let’s get back to the game.”
“Fine,” Hailey says, giving me a stern look. “But anytime you want to talk, we’re here. And not just at poker night.”
