It does not feel good. And it relaxes me to know he’s not an actual god in bed. We’re not sexual soul mates. We’re two humans attracted to each other.
“Softer,” I say, slapping at his hand. “And in bigger circles.”
He eases up immediately, following directions better than he ever has before with me.
He follows directions so well, I’m hitting another orgasm before I expect it. It’s like a gentle wave with an impossibly high climax that feels so deliciously intoxicating I wish I could bottle it.
Once I come back down from that high, Garrick pulls out and urges me onto all fours. “Do you like it this way?” he asks.
“I haven’t found a way I don’t like it, yet.”
He doesn’t waste a moment. He grips my hips and thrusts into me, moving hard and fast and at such a perfect angle that aftershocks of my orgasm lash through me over and over again.
He reaches his own climax with a groan and a shout, then rolls us onto our sides while he’s still inside me. He hugs me tight against his chest and I yawn, feeling sleepy and good and protected.
I could get used to this. Which is why I say, “You should probably take care of the condom before we have any accidents,” before I get too comfortable.
“Oh, shit.” His body tenses behind me and my stomach sinks.
“You didn’t use a condom?”
“Fuck. I swear, Blue, I never forget. Never. I’m always careful, but I was so… And you were so…”
He pulls out of me, and I sit up, turning to see him looking truly panicked.
“It’s not all on you,” I say. “I forgot about it, too. I never let a man inside me without making sure he’s wrapped it up.” I was as lost in the moment as he was. I can’t blame him.
I got too comfortable with him, too trusting, and I didn’t think.
He doesn’t relax. “Are you on the pill?”
I sigh. “No. It does horrible things to my brain and body. I had to stop.” I hold up a hand. “But I’m clean, I promise. It’s beenmonths since I’ve hooked up with anyone.” He doesn’t need to know it’s been closer to a year. I don’t want him reading into it if I explain that one-night stands were feeling empty and not fun. He’s not special. He’s just really fucking sexy.
And if I keep telling myself that, maybe I’ll convince myself it’s true.
“I’m clean too,” he says. “I get tested regularly, and it’s been a few months for me.”
My stomach roils as I consider the other possible consequence of unprotected sex. I’ve never even considered kids. I would have to be in a relationship to think about kids and I’ve never wanted a relationship.
I can’t have kids. I’ll be a terrible mother, just like my mother. The poor child’s life will be misery. It’ll be awful, I can’t—
Garrick grabs my shoulders. “Breathe, Blue. It’s going to be okay. Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together.”
I nod, stiffly. “I’m probably fine, right? It’s been like a week since my last period, so I’ll be good.”
Garrick’s eyes go wide, but he lets out a breath and visibly relaxes. “I have no idea. My sex ed class sucked, and I’ve never been in this situation before.”
“It’s okay.” Maybe if I say it enough, I’ll believe it. “We’re going to be okay.”
“Garrick?” someone shouts up the stairs. “Garrick, are you home?”
His eyes go wide again. “Shit. I’m sorry. We have to get dressed. They’re going to be up here in about thirty seconds if we don’t get down there first.”
“It’s okay.” I move off the bed on autopilot. I’m not pregnant. There’s no way I’m pregnant. “Maybe I should run out to the drugstore and just make sure…”
Garrick stares at me, confused. “What?”
“The morning-after pill, Evergreen. I can make sure there’s no unexpected consequences.”
